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Feelings for a friend

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
This person is more than a friend - I help him out with a few projects and stuff. We met on a dating website, but he asked me to help with these projects instead of dating. We have a 10 year age difference, but we get on brilliantly, we talk every day and he comes over and sees me several times a week. But its that age old thing of "will it spoil our friendship" blah blah blah. He's been giving me mixed messages, a mutual friend spotted it and meantioned it, and I said I wasn't sure if they were or not. I've also for the first time in my life I've managed to play it cool, I've not been flirting with him wildly or anything. Although the amount we hang out together it has been asked if we're a couple on a good few occasions.

I love him to bits as a friend, and although I'd love it even more if there was more between us, I don't think I could bare losing him as a friend. But what do I do, keep buring my head? Find someone else to take my mind off of it, or just grin and bare it?

Comments

  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    One persons playing it cool might be seen as another persons mixed messages, and if two people each play it cool then nothing will ever happen...
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    After the first date he didn't give me anything asides from the most spurious of messages, which i think probably weren't there, I was possibly just wanting them to be, but the other night there was definately something (unless I got it totally wrong).
  • littlemissylittlemissy knit chick Posts: 9,972
    The only thing you can do is talk to him. Find out what he is thinking. Ask what he meant by whatever the mixed message was the other day. And if it it's just destined for friendship then you need to forget about the conversation and just carry on as you were. If your friendship is as strong as you think then having the conversation shouldn't affect it.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    If you are very good friends like you say you are, you should be able to move on from that sort of discussion if it turns out otherwise. It just becomes a piece of history in your friendship! If it turned out badly, then you may not be as solid as you think.

    If one of my friends was like that, and I didn't feel the same way, I'd only be concerned about them and want to help them out of it. But if I felt the same way, hell yeah, dive in! :yes:
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I'm also going through my head if I just feel like this because he's the only guy giving me any attention right now. But he keeps bringing me chocolate, pushed me across town to the pub when l was feeling a bit down and stir crazy, he bought me minecraft and helps me with it every night, he bought me ice cream the other week to cheer me up. He's just got lots barriers up, which considering all he's been through I understand, but I want to see if I can carefully peal them back to see more of him other than the version he wants me to see.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Shychick wrote: »
    If you are very good friends like you say you are, you should be able to move on from that sort of discussion if it turns out otherwise. It just becomes a piece of history in your friendship! If it turned out badly, then you may not be as solid as you think.

    If one of my friends was like that, and I didn't feel the same way, I'd only be concerned about them and want to help them out of it. But if I felt the same way, hell yeah, dive in! :yes:

    A few years ago, I told one of my friends that I liked him and this is pretty much what happened. He said thanks; but he doesn't want another LDR and that we should talk. We sort of did; but I think he was doing that more to see how I was.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I told an old friend once that I liked them a lot more than just a friend and they didn't feel the same way. I have to say it was the best thing I could have done because it put my mind at ease and we became closer at the time because of the discussion we had. I think you should tell him how you feel now rather than later.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    He's going away for work this week so I'm going to leave it for a while. I'm going to send him off with a little survival kit (its a big conference and he has panic attacks so I thought some little bits to keep him feeling a little chilled might help), and maybe I'll talk to him about it the next week.

    No idea how to even broach the subject though!
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    He's been talking about this girl he's been talking to on a dating site... I kind of feel that i need to tell him soon, but I'm also worried he's now interested in someone else...and I'll be fucking gutted if he wasn't interested in me, so maybe I shouldn't say for my own sake.

    :/
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Sorry to hear he likes someone else.
    He doesn't know how you feel about him, and you say if you talk to him you might find out he isn't interested in you.. But what if he does like you? What if he gets serious with someone else and then finds out you liked him but can't do anything about it because it's too late? You might regret not telling him.
    Whatever happens we're all here to help you through it.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    If a man talks to you about other women he likes then that's usually a pretty clear sign he just thinks of you just as a friend :(

    Else he's trying to make you jealous :p Anyway, it sounded quite sweet what you were planning to give him for while he's away :)
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Thats what I'm hoping - that he is trying to make me jealous. We're meeting with the other friend tomorrow who said he seemed to be giving me mixed messages and i might talk to her about it if i get a sec.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Ok, rather than starting a new thread - i've made the decision that I'd rather have him in my life but not my lover than not at all. So how can I help him with these projects long term and not got more bat shit crazy that already am?
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    He found out tonight and his responce "i luv ya to bits, but as a friend and a colleage" and went to tell me hes not interested in anyone just wants the business to work...

    blah blah blah fine! I'll move but right now i don't want to speak to him. i'm a bit hurt tbh.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I don't think it's too bad if you confess whatever it is that you're thinking. It's better that way than being too late.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Sorry to hear that :(
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    :( sorry to hear you're feeling hurt *hug*

    It's always hard when someone doesn't want what we do, and it seems like you did a lot for him, helping with projects, sending him a survival kit, being there for him etc. And it also seems like he sometimes gave you mixed messages.
    The good thing is that at least you know now, and you can focus on finding someone who'll appreciate you :yes:
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