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Dealing with terminal cancer

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
Anyone got any experience of this please?

A relative of mine has been told that the tumours on his spine are terminal and he only has 2 years to live. :(

He's had cancer before and was given the all clear and this has just come back. :(

Comments

  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    My Granddad & dad both have terminal cancer, and I'll be honnest nothing I say will be any help for you, we all find our own ways of coping and dealing with it, so what helped for me, won't nessesery help you, but when I found out my dad had terminal cancer, a couple of years ago I was still at school, it wasn't a surprise to me, He'd had it before and he'd been quite old and voulnerable so I just guessed, thats not to say i wasn't destroyed inside, thinking about all the things I'd miss out on, he'd miss out on.

    Then a couple of weeks ago I found out my granddad has terminal cancer, Two years doesn't seem like a long time, but you have two years to make as many memories as you can, I made a book for my granddad, saying all the things he should do, we should do together before he dies, and then filled with memories and quotes and pictures, Unfortunatally he won't be coming out of hospital so what i put about what we should do we won't actually get to so, but when he saw it..he had a smile on his face, and it raised his hopes a little bit.

    Have you visited macmillans website? they have a group chat where you can talk to people in your situation, or those who have cancer themselves, they're full of support help and advice and everyones lovely. You can moan about everything..they're a really good help, if i wasn't on the worlds most slowest computer...I'd link you.

    Sorry this isn't any help.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Emmalee wrote: »

    Have you visited macmillans website? they have a group chat where you can talk to people in your situation, or those who have cancer themselves, they're full of support help and advice and everyones lovely. You can moan about everything..they're a really good help, if i wasn't on the worlds most slowest computer...I'd link you.

    Sorry this isn't any help.

    Good to hear that their group chat is really useful - sounds like a great suggestion for others to try :) Here's the link: http://community.macmillan.org.uk/content/themacmillanchatrooms.aspx
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Thanks. :)

    Emmalee - I am so sorry to hear that. :(
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    His cancer treatment starts today. They're trying to remove the painful tumours he has on his back.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Melian wrote: »
    His cancer treatment starts today. They're trying to remove the painful tumours he has on his back.

    Hey Melian, big hugs - hope you're doing okay *hug*

    Do you know how the start of the treatment went? How are you feeling? It's a lot to cope with and we're here to listen whenever you want to talk about it. Have you been able to give the Macmillan chat room a try?
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Thanks :) Not sure how it's all gone yet. I feel ok; but I don't think it's something that's sank in yet. It doesn't feel real at all.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I saw Granddad on Monday. I can't believe how skinny he's become. He looked well though.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Glad it was ok seeing your granddad, I really hope his treatment goes well. I'm sure he must be really pleased to have his relatives visiting him.
    :)
  • ReenaReena Posts: 1,375 Wise Owl
    Sorry to hear you're going through this.
    My grandfather passed away from terminal cancer, 3 days before my birthday a few months back, so I still feel a bit down about everything.
    It's like Emmalee said, we all need to find our own way of dealing with it. When I first heard he had terminal cancer, I didn't know what to think, I had no idea what to do and say when I was around him. In the end I just tried to be there for him, if he ever needed me for something, to pick up shopping -silly everyday things like that, and spend as much time with him making memories. He loved spending time with his grandchildren and great-grandchild.
    We as a family tried to look at it like he did. When he was told, he said to the doctor shrugging his shoulders, "So should I buy a turkey for Christmas?" With chemo he had another 2 Christmas'. He just kept going, doing the things he always did as if he wasn't ill. So we didn't treat him like a sick person, we treated him like we used to......, well as best we could.
    Don't know if that helps at all, but if you need to talk about it I'm happy to listen. xx Take care.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Spend your time wisely

    Hey hun,
    I'm sorry to hear about your relative. Nothing will make your situation go away, but there are things you can do to make it easier:

    1) Spend as much time as possible with them whilst they are still reasonably well. Try and make as many memories as possible.

    2) Encourage them to create a memory book if they would be happy with it, where they can write messages and add photos etc.

    3) Talk about things to your family. you're all going through the same thing, so discuss it and support each other where you can.

    4) Tell your friends what's going on. They can offer support and distract you if you need it, but will also know when to leave you alone.

    If you want to talk, you can always inbox me :)
    FrogsandRainbows.X
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Urgh. He's now been given 1 year to live and has been told he'll be lucky to see Christmas.

    :(
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    He's going down hill so quick. He's been in hospital since Wednesday. He also has lung cancer and they think he has pneumonia. He's due to have an x-ray to find out what's going on.

    He's due to have a RIG (feeding tube) fitted; as he's not able to swallow. That's why he was admitted in the first place.

    He's now discussing his funeral. :(
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Melian wrote: »
    He's going down hill so quick. He's been in hospital since Wednesday. He also has lung cancer and they think he has pneumonia. He's due to have an x-ray to find out what's going on.

    He's due to have a RIG (feeding tube) fitted; as he's not able to swallow. That's why he was admitted in the first place.

    He's now discussing his funeral. :(

    *hug**hug*
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Thanks Sam. No idea when he's coming home. If he comes home before his PEG / RIG is fitted, he won't be considered a priority to have it fitted.

    Mum also thinks he may have the start of dementia. But it might be the medication.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I maybe too late for this thread but my prayers are with him.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    He's had all kinds of problems over the last few days - he couldn't reach his bell; so had to call his wife to call the hospital to sort this out.

    He had to explain why for the last 3 years, he's not eaten. (He had cancer of the mouth and throat) He's had an infection where his RIG is, which the hospital thought had come out.

    After having enough of the treatment (or lack of) he's had, his daughter went to complain. They then moved him into a private room.

    Still no idea when he'll be home.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    But i still praying for him and hoping he will be recover :(
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Thanks. He's home and decided that he doesn't want to go back into hospital again. He has a number to call if he needs help. The help will be an ambulance with a trained doctor and nurse. He's also made it clear that he doesn't want to die in a hospice.
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