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Struggling
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
I'm not sure if this is the right place for this thread...
I just want someone to talk to, everything is getting worse again.
I got anti depressants about a month ago. I didn't take them, I threw them in the bin. The fact I wasn't taking them was causing problems between me and my boyfriend and we drifted apart, but then weeks later we were amazing again and we're doing okay now.. I'm not sure if it's just in my head or if it's real but I feel like he's being a bit off with me again. It's probably in my head...
We argue, I break down a lot, I cry even when we don't argue yet I feel I shouldn't burden him with my problems.
I've been feeling depressed lately, I hate getting out of bed. I have step kids and have to get up early, sort them out, do the school run. I don't like being around the kids at the moment, not because I don't like them.. of course I do, it's just the mess and the noise and the arguing and the 'can I have this, can I have that?' It makes me feel worse.
I literally have no friends, I did but we grew apart. I dont want to burden my family with anything, I put them through more than enough when they found out about what had happened to me.
I want to self harm, in my head I need to, to cope. I don't know how I've stopped myself from doing it for this long but it's too hard now.. I need pain.
I just want someone to talk to, everything is getting worse again.
I got anti depressants about a month ago. I didn't take them, I threw them in the bin. The fact I wasn't taking them was causing problems between me and my boyfriend and we drifted apart, but then weeks later we were amazing again and we're doing okay now.. I'm not sure if it's just in my head or if it's real but I feel like he's being a bit off with me again. It's probably in my head...
We argue, I break down a lot, I cry even when we don't argue yet I feel I shouldn't burden him with my problems.
I've been feeling depressed lately, I hate getting out of bed. I have step kids and have to get up early, sort them out, do the school run. I don't like being around the kids at the moment, not because I don't like them.. of course I do, it's just the mess and the noise and the arguing and the 'can I have this, can I have that?' It makes me feel worse.
I literally have no friends, I did but we grew apart. I dont want to burden my family with anything, I put them through more than enough when they found out about what had happened to me.
I want to self harm, in my head I need to, to cope. I don't know how I've stopped myself from doing it for this long but it's too hard now.. I need pain.
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Comments
I’m sorry to hear you’re feeling so down. From what you’ve said, it seems like everything’s spiralling down a bit, so it’s great that you’re reaching out here.
You mentioned that you had problems with your boyfriend when you threw the anti-depressants away a month ago, but then things got better. Do you know why things got better? Did you talk to him about how you felt, or did you manage to find some distractions? Could you try something similar this time? It’s hard, but often just talking things out can really help.
It must be really difficult having to look after your step kids when you’re feeling low, not to mention exhausting. Is there anyone else around who could maybe help you out a bit? Any family who could come over and help you look after them for a bit or something? You said that you don’t want to burden your family with anything, but it’s important to look after yourself. What about your boyfriend? Would some help with the kids give you a bit of a break?
You also said that you don’t know how you’ve stopped yourself from harming for so long. It’s amazing that you have – a real achievement. Perhaps you could think about new ways to stop yourself doing it? Have you tried distractions? I’m sure other users around here could suggest some good ideas. If you want to talk to someone who isn’t your family, you could try RecoverYourLife, who have a lot of information and advisors you can chat to. Another good place to try is SANE, who have a helpline (0845 767 8000, 6-11pm) and an email service.
Let us know how you’re doing
JPick
I was bad then which is why I had the anti depressants, but when me and my boyfriend got to that point I realised I definately couldn't cope if I lost him. In my head it's starting to feel a bit like this again. He has problems with depression himself sometimes and I think we push each other away because there is nobody else.
My sister and my boyfriend don't get on at all. That's hard too sometimes because when me and my boyfriend do argue he starts to be nasty about her. I know he does it to hurt me but when we make up he thinks everything is just okay again but it's isn't, not in my head. I don't want to have to choose between my family and my boyfriend, I need them both and I love them both.
My mum and dad are working most of the time when the kids get back from school so there isn't really anybody to help look after them. My boyfriend has had a fall out with his mum so she never helps anymore, she doesn't even ring to ask how they are.
I like lying on the bed under the cover and just listening to the silence, that's what I was doing just now before I came on here. I think maybe tomorrow I'm going to try angry art, probably a bit late for that tonight.
I'm feeling stuck, nothing to look forward to, I feel like the only emotion I have is this desperate sadness mixed with anger and it's taking over me. I can't eat, I can't sleep properly, I can't stop crying. I hate having to pretend I'm happy when I'm not, I feel like everyone judges me if I'm not smiling.
Thanks for the chat site and the helpline.