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How to come out?

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
My parents are very christain and dont believe in gays, bisexual, and lesbians... ive been bisexual, or atleast found out i was a long time.. i want to tell them, but im afraid she might disown me. it happened to my sister, she came out to my mom and she turned her back on her... what do i do?

Comments

  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I hate to say it, and I would never normally say this but considering she has already acted towards your sister in a homophobic way, unless you have the ability to look after yourself physically and financially I would keep quiet. Have you contacted local LGBT charities for some guidance?
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    no i havent but thanks ill contact them as soon as i can, i really apprciate your help
  • *Seany**Seany* Moddin' Deactivated Posts: 51
    Hey littledinosaur,

    That sounds like a really tough situation to be in, especially given that you've seen the experience that your sister had.

    We do have a good article about coming out on TheSite.org, although I appreciate it might not be too much use given the reaction your parents seem to have to LGBT issues.

    Have you told any close friends yet? You might find it helpful to have someone else you trust to support you, if you feel that your parents aren't the people to do so.

    Miss_Riot's suggestion of approaching local LGBT support organisations is also a really good idea. If you're based in the UK, you could try using our Local Advice Finder.

    Do keep us up to date :)
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I'll reply properly when I can, but just to flag the Albert Kennedy Trust as a potential support.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Tell her it's alright because the gays don't believe in her either.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    i decided not to come out to my parents until im 18 then figure out what to do from there, im not finaciaually able to take care of myself if my parents decide to kick me out.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    i decided not to come out to my parents until im 18 then figure out what to do from there, im not finaciaually able to take care of myself if my parents decide to kick me out.

    I think that's a very wise decision.

    How old are you now?
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I was gathering some info for you and I closed the tab by mistake (fail!), but even though you've decided to wait a while, I thought they might be useful in thinking through everything:

    Faith info from GayIndy

    Would Jesus Descriminate?

    Metropolitan Community Churches (LGBT+ affirming), and MCC churches in Indiana

    Gay Christian Network

    I realise you may not share your parents' faith, but in my experience conservative Christians respond better to someone who has really thought through the theological implications of what they're saying.

    A couple of books you might also find helpful:
    Love is an Orientation (the story of a straight, conservative Christian thinking about what it means that he has gay friends)

    Bulletproof Faith: A Spiritual Survival Guide for Gay and Lesbian Christians

    Outing the Bible - a more theological approach

    Living it Out: LGB Christian stories from a UK perspective
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    piccolo wrote: »
    I think that's a very wise decision.

    How old are you now?

    im 16
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Also it's definitely not worth coming out until you're in a stable homosexual relationship.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    grace wrote: »
    Also it's definitely not worth coming out until you're in a stable homosexual relationship.

    I'm not sure how that's relevant.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Not sure about that but agree you're doing the right thing by waiting til you can be more self sufficient. Don't worry, 18 isn't too far away :)
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    grace wrote: »
    Also it's definitely not worth coming out until you're in a stable homosexual relationship.

    I came out years before I had any kind of relationship, stable or otherwise, and it was the best thing for me to do in the circumstances.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Fiend_85 wrote: »
    I'm not sure how that's relevant.

    It's an opinion that I think the op should consider. I guess you think I'm saying that in case the op changes their mind about being gay or something? (I'm not saying that) To me there seems little point in coming out, which would damage their relationship, until it's necessary. Just cross the coming out bridge when you're there and really need to
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Coming out when you need to has nothing to do with being in a relationship.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    well the op should think about if they do need to. If they do decide to get it off their chest as soon as possible then good for them and good luck. but i'd suggest waiting. it's just another opinion for them to consider...
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Ok, suggesting that they wait because they're 16 and their parents might kick them out is completely sensible. Suggesting that they wait because "well, if you haven't been with a girl how can you know" is insidious and unhelpful.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    grace wrote: »
    It's an opinion that I think the op should consider. I guess you think I'm saying that in case the op changes their mind about being gay or something? (I'm not saying that) To me there seems little point in coming out, which would damage their relationship, until it's necessary. Just cross the coming out bridge when you're there and really need to

    The problem with that is that there is a real risk with the parent equating their child's sexuality with that settled relationship and blaming a "predatory homosexual" for stealing their child. There is (at least anecdotal) evidence that in those cases the parents both resent the partner and attempt to end the relationship as a "cure" and it is then even more damaging in the long run when they realise that actually the truth is that their child is gay despite their partner.

    It's a mine-field, but the main thing for anyone is to make sure you come out when you're happy, safe and ready.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    that's my woman... :)
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I'd wait, plenty of other ways to fuck you life up ! That was a joke :)

    On a serious note, I would wait. You're 16, i'm not saying you're immature, but when you have some more life experience and tell them 'IF' it goes wrong you'll probably be able to cope with it better.

    It might be an idea to take a friend with you when you tell them, or do it in a café in public. People are less likely to fly off the handle in front of a stranger. Also do you have any friends who know you're gay ? Some good support would help you if it goes wrong when you tell them.

    Finally, no one has a right to know you're gay/bi/whatever. It's your life and your decision, plus you don't 'have' to tell anyone you are. Very few straight people have had to sit people down and tell them they're straight ;)
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Oh BTW me and pic are quite avid bakers.

    Gay + cake = http://debbiehart.tumblr.com/#/8204189191 :)
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    One of my friends made that rainbow layer cake for our last Big Gay Band gig.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Fiend_85 wrote: »
    Ok, suggesting that they wait because they're 16 and their parents might kick them out is completely sensible. Suggesting that they wait because "well, if you haven't been with a girl how can you know" is insidious and unhelpful.

    That's not what I was saying. I even explicitly said earlier in the thread that it wasn't.
    Well I've given my opinion, I think I'm right, you think I'm wrong, the op can have a think about what everyone's been saying and then decide what to do. There's no point arguing because it won't help anyone.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    RubberSkin wrote: »
    It might be an idea to take a friend with you when you tell them, or do it in a café in public. People are less likely to fly off the handle in front of a stranger. Also do you have any friends who know you're gay ? Some good support would help you if it goes wrong when you tell them.

    If the OP goes with someone, at least if it doesn't quite go right, they do have someone who can help them / comfort them if they need it.

    I think the OP should wait until they're ready.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    i really wanted to come out, but i guess i can wait atleast 2 years so i wont have to worry about trying to find a place to stay, thanks everyone for your help and i read about all the links you sent me
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