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How to come out?
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
My parents are very christain and dont believe in gays, bisexual, and lesbians... ive been bisexual, or atleast found out i was a long time.. i want to tell them, but im afraid she might disown me. it happened to my sister, she came out to my mom and she turned her back on her... what do i do?
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That sounds like a really tough situation to be in, especially given that you've seen the experience that your sister had.
We do have a good article about coming out on TheSite.org, although I appreciate it might not be too much use given the reaction your parents seem to have to LGBT issues.
Have you told any close friends yet? You might find it helpful to have someone else you trust to support you, if you feel that your parents aren't the people to do so.
Miss_Riot's suggestion of approaching local LGBT support organisations is also a really good idea. If you're based in the UK, you could try using our Local Advice Finder.
Do keep us up to date
I think that's a very wise decision.
How old are you now?
Faith info from GayIndy
Would Jesus Descriminate?
Metropolitan Community Churches (LGBT+ affirming), and MCC churches in Indiana
Gay Christian Network
I realise you may not share your parents' faith, but in my experience conservative Christians respond better to someone who has really thought through the theological implications of what they're saying.
A couple of books you might also find helpful:
Love is an Orientation (the story of a straight, conservative Christian thinking about what it means that he has gay friends)
Bulletproof Faith: A Spiritual Survival Guide for Gay and Lesbian Christians
Outing the Bible - a more theological approach
Living it Out: LGB Christian stories from a UK perspective
im 16
I'm not sure how that's relevant.
I came out years before I had any kind of relationship, stable or otherwise, and it was the best thing for me to do in the circumstances.
It's an opinion that I think the op should consider. I guess you think I'm saying that in case the op changes their mind about being gay or something? (I'm not saying that) To me there seems little point in coming out, which would damage their relationship, until it's necessary. Just cross the coming out bridge when you're there and really need to
The problem with that is that there is a real risk with the parent equating their child's sexuality with that settled relationship and blaming a "predatory homosexual" for stealing their child. There is (at least anecdotal) evidence that in those cases the parents both resent the partner and attempt to end the relationship as a "cure" and it is then even more damaging in the long run when they realise that actually the truth is that their child is gay despite their partner.
It's a mine-field, but the main thing for anyone is to make sure you come out when you're happy, safe and ready.
On a serious note, I would wait. You're 16, i'm not saying you're immature, but when you have some more life experience and tell them 'IF' it goes wrong you'll probably be able to cope with it better.
It might be an idea to take a friend with you when you tell them, or do it in a café in public. People are less likely to fly off the handle in front of a stranger. Also do you have any friends who know you're gay ? Some good support would help you if it goes wrong when you tell them.
Finally, no one has a right to know you're gay/bi/whatever. It's your life and your decision, plus you don't 'have' to tell anyone you are. Very few straight people have had to sit people down and tell them they're straight
Gay + cake = http://debbiehart.tumblr.com/#/8204189191
That's not what I was saying. I even explicitly said earlier in the thread that it wasn't.
Well I've given my opinion, I think I'm right, you think I'm wrong, the op can have a think about what everyone's been saying and then decide what to do. There's no point arguing because it won't help anyone.
If the OP goes with someone, at least if it doesn't quite go right, they do have someone who can help them / comfort them if they need it.
I think the OP should wait until they're ready.