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pregnant and dont know what to do??

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
just recently founf out am pregnant, am trying to hide it from my family and the morniing sickness has kicked in. my boyfriends knows but we've both discussed that we are definatly not ready for baby, who do i call or where do i go? really need any help please.......

Comments

  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Hi remorria, I'm so sorry to hear that you've found yourself in such a difficult position.

    If you're under 25, Brook (www.brook.org.uk) provides confidential advice on all matters relating to sex and sexual health. You can call them on 0808 802 1234, or go to the website to find a clinic in your area.

    For information on terminations, or a chance to talk with a counsellor about all of your options, you could also contact Marie Stopes (www.mariestopes.org.uk) 0845 300 80 90.

    The FPA (Family Planning Association) also run a helpline on 0845 122 8690, 9am-6pm Mon-Fri. See http://www.fpa.org.uk/Helpandadvice/Unplannedpregnancy for more information on your options.

    TheSite also has a page on umplanned pregnancies: http://www.thesite.org/sexandrelationships/safersex/unplannedpregnancy

    Best of luck; keep posting if you need support or just want to keep us updated.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Hi remorria,

    Do you know roughly how many weeks pregnant you are?

    Unplanned pregnancies can be really tough. I found out I was pregnant about 3 weeks ago, like you I was starting to worry the people around me would find out as I was suffering really badly from morning sickness. As has been mentioned, you can speak to someone from Brook or FPA, or if you'd prefer your GP can talk to you about what options are available.

    Like you, I didn't feel ready to have a baby. I knew from the moment I saw the positive pregnancy test I wanted to arrange an abortion as soon as possible. I've been drinking a lot lately and am in the process of changing jobs, so I didn't want to bring a life into that mess. The baby's father was really angry with my decision, he already has children and is a quite a bit older than me and very against abortion. Although I've always been pro choice it wasn't a decision I ever thought I would have to make and go through with. You say your boyfriend isn't ready for a baby yet either, has he offered to go with you to appointments if you do decide to have a termination? I think it's helpful to have someone with you or at least the option there, if not him maybe there's a friend who will support you?

    I had a medical abortion yesterday at 9 weeks pregnant. I got a referral to the clinic a week after seeing my doctor and they were able to arrange for me to take the first pill just 2 days later, then the final part another 2 days later. So far everything seems to have gone ok with no complications. I feel a bit low today, not because I regret my decision but guess it's a hormonal thing. If there's anything you'd like to know about my experience I'd be happy to answer any questions.

    Take care of yourself *hugs*
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Hi remorria,

    Do you know roughly how many weeks pregnant you are?

    Unplanned pregnancies can be really tough. I found out I was pregnant about 3 weeks ago, like you I was starting to worry the people around me would find out as I was suffering really badly from morning sickness. As has been mentioned, you can speak to someone from Brook or FPA, or if you'd prefer your GP can talk to you about what options are available.

    Like you, I didn't feel ready to have a baby. I knew from the moment I saw the positive pregnancy test I wanted to arrange an abortion as soon as possible. I've been drinking a lot lately and am in the process of changing jobs, so I didn't want to bring a life into that mess. The baby's father was really angry with my decision, he already has children and is a quite a bit older than me and very against abortion. Although I've always been pro choice it wasn't a decision I ever thought I would have to make and go through with. You say your boyfriend isn't ready for a baby yet either, has he offered to go with you to appointments if you do decide to have a termination? I think it's helpful to have someone with you or at least the option there, if not him maybe there's a friend who will support you?

    I had a medical abortion yesterday at 9 weeks pregnant. I got a referral to the clinic a week after seeing my doctor and they were able to arrange for me to take the first pill just 2 days later, then the final part another 2 days later. So far everything seems to have gone ok with no complications. I feel a bit low today, not because I regret my decision but guess it's a hormonal thing. If there's anything you'd like to know about my experience I'd be happy to answer any questions.

    Take care of yourself *hugs*

    I don't have anything useful to say, I just wanted to write that I thought it was really brave of you to post that as I can't imagine it was the easiest decision to make.

    I hope all goes well for both you and the OP.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Hi remorria,

    Do you know roughly how many weeks pregnant you are?

    Unplanned pregnancies can be really tough. I found out I was pregnant about 3 weeks ago, like you I was starting to worry the people around me would find out as I was suffering really badly from morning sickness. As has been mentioned, you can speak to someone from Brook or FPA, or if you'd prefer your GP can talk to you about what options are available.

    Like you, I didn't feel ready to have a baby. I knew from the moment I saw the positive pregnancy test I wanted to arrange an abortion as soon as possible. I've been drinking a lot lately and am in the process of changing jobs, so I didn't want to bring a life into that mess. The baby's father was really angry with my decision, he already has children and is a quite a bit older than me and very against abortion. Although I've always been pro choice it wasn't a decision I ever thought I would have to make and go through with. You say your boyfriend isn't ready for a baby yet either, has he offered to go with you to appointments if you do decide to have a termination? I think it's helpful to have someone with you or at least the option there, if not him maybe there's a friend who will support you?

    I had a medical abortion yesterday at 9 weeks pregnant. I got a referral to the clinic a week after seeing my doctor and they were able to arrange for me to take the first pill just 2 days later, then the final part another 2 days later. So far everything seems to have gone ok with no complications. I feel a bit low today, not because I regret my decision but guess it's a hormonal thing. If there's anything you'd like to know about my experience I'd be happy to answer any questions.

    Take care of yourself *hugs*
    i am roughly about 6 and a half weeks. my boyfriend has said he would go to the oppointments if i wanted him to. i have found a family planning clinic just near me and have the number, am just a bit nervous as to what i would say?
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Well done for finding a clinic; just give them a call and ask if you need to make an appointment or if it's a drop-in clinic.

    They'll be very used to talking to women in your position, so if you let them know that you're 6 1/2wks pregnant and want to discuss your options, they can lead the conversation and will ask you questions about how you're feeling and what your situation is.

    You might find it useful to write down how you're feeling and any questions you may have before you go, in case you feel nervous and forget what you want to say.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    will i need to say that am going in for an abortion or just ask for an appointment?

    well thanks for the help everyone, feel a bit better now. especially from flibbertygibbert :)
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Initially it's a good idea just to go in for a chat with them. Find out what the procedure will involve, what to expect, what follow-up services they offer (counselling, check-ups etc.). Then if it's definitely an abortion you want, and you feel like you know everything you need to know, make an appointment to go back for the procedure.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Hi remorria,

    As to what to say, my situation was I was referred through hospital for an abortion, so my first point of contact was turning up in A&E really poorly. The 'morning' sickness had got the the stage where I was very dehydrated and had to stay in for a few days. I basically told them from the start I wanted to have an abortion. However, as Butterflykisses has said, FPAs are used to speaking to pregnant people potentially looking to have an abortion.

    It wouldn't hurt to mention if you're leaning towards having a termination, that way they can make sure you get to speak to a doctor who can talk you through what is involved and not just book you in for a scan. The key thing to say really would be you believe you're around 6-7 weeks pregnant and perhaps tell them your age. I wouldn't expect you'll have to wait too long for an appointment. I don't know anywhere that would allow you to just book in for an abortion at the same time as your first appointment, you will need to have a scan first so they can confirm how many weeks pregnant you are and whether or not it's a viable pregnancy. It's not the nicest experience but it doesn't hurt at all and you don't have to look at the ultrasound unless you want. It will only take a few minutes.

    If you do decide abortion is the right decision for you, they will ask if you are sure it's what you want to do. Then they will ask what method you would like, medical or surgical.

    Medical abortion involves taking 2 tablets. I don't want to scare you, but I did think after talking to the first consultant and then going through with the procedure I could have been a bit better informed as to what to expect. I might have been able to prepare myself a bit more. The first pill they will give to you 2 days before you actually end the pregnancy. What this tablet does is block certain hormones, stopping the fetus from growing and making the pregnancy non viable. This doesn't hurt particularly, you may get some slight cramps and bleeding. You have to be certain by this point that abortion is what you want as there's no going back. Then you'll be admitted to hospital 2 days later. You will have to stay in for 6-7 hours and I understand most women do pass all the pregnancy within this time. You will also need to arrange for someone to be on hand to pick you up from the hospital as they don't allow you to leave by yourself or use public transport.

    A nurse will put 4 tablets inside your vagina, it feels a little uncomfortable, but again it is over quickly. This effectively causes you to miscarry. It is the worst part of the process, but you will be offered pain relief for the cramps. In my case, I started to feel the tablets working within about 10 minutes. The pain was bad, it is basically childbirth contractions, but again how much pain varies from woman to woman and for me it was over within a couple of hours. You pass the pregnancy into bedpans (you're allowed to do this in the toilets, so you do have some privacy). A nurse will check these for you. All I will say about this part is try not to look, it's likely you won't be able to avoid seeing some blood, I tried to cover the bedpan straightaway with toilet tissue to avoid seeing anything I didn't want to.

    I don't know a lot about surgical abortion, apart from they give you an anesthetic and it involves syringing and pumping out the pregnancy. I think if you're worried about pain or seeing anything, this may be an option worth discussing. I understand it can also be used further along in pregnancies, so if you're wanting to think about your options for a bit longer this could be a better option. It is done in one appointment rather than two.

    Really hope you manage to stay strong and book your appointment soon. Keep us updated and look after yourself *hug*
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Hi remorria,

    As to what to say, my situation was I was referred through hospital for an abortion, so my first point of contact was turning up in A&E really poorly. The 'morning' sickness had got the the stage where I was very dehydrated and had to stay in for a few days. I basically told them from the start I wanted to have an abortion. However, as Butterflykisses has said, FPAs are used to speaking to pregnant people potentially looking to have an abortion.

    It wouldn't hurt to mention if you're leaning towards having a termination, that way they can make sure you get to speak to a doctor who can talk you through what is involved and not just book you in for a scan. The key thing to say really would be you believe you're around 6-7 weeks pregnant and perhaps tell them your age. I wouldn't expect you'll have to wait too long for an appointment. I don't know anywhere that would allow you to just book in for an abortion at the same time as your first appointment, you will need to have a scan first so they can confirm how many weeks pregnant you are and whether or not it's a viable pregnancy. It's not the nicest experience but it doesn't hurt at all and you don't have to look at the ultrasound unless you want. It will only take a few minutes.

    If you do decide abortion is the right decision for you, they will ask if you are sure it's what you want to do. Then they will ask what method you would like, medical or surgical.

    Medical abortion involves taking 2 tablets. I don't want to scare you, but I did think after talking to the first consultant and then going through with the procedure I could have been a bit better informed as to what to expect. I might have been able to prepare myself a bit more. The first pill they will give to you 2 days before you actually end the pregnancy. What this tablet does is block certain hormones, stopping the fetus from growing and making the pregnancy non viable. This doesn't hurt particularly, you may get some slight cramps and bleeding. You have to be certain by this point that abortion is what you want as there's no going back. Then you'll be admitted to hospital 2 days later. You will have to stay in for 6-7 hours and I understand most women do pass all the pregnancy within this time. You will also need to arrange for someone to be on hand to pick you up from the hospital as they don't allow you to leave by yourself or use public transport.

    A nurse will put 4 tablets inside your vagina, it feels a little uncomfortable, but again it is over quickly. This effectively causes you to miscarry. It is the worst part of the process, but you will be offered pain relief for the cramps. In my case, I started to feel the tablets working within about 10 minutes. The pain was bad, it is basically childbirth contractions, but again how much pain varies from woman to woman and for me it was over within a couple of hours. You pass the pregnancy into bedpans (you're allowed to do this in the toilets, so you do have some privacy). A nurse will check these for you. All I will say about this part is try not to look, it's likely you won't be able to avoid seeing some blood, I tried to cover the bedpan straightaway with toilet tissue to avoid seeing anything I didn't want to.

    I don't know a lot about surgical abortion, apart from they give you an anesthetic and it involves syringing and pumping out the pregnancy. I think if you're worried about pain or seeing anything, this may be an option worth discussing. I understand it can also be used further along in pregnancies, so if you're wanting to think about your options for a bit longer this could be a better option. It is done in one appointment rather than two.

    Really hope you manage to stay strong and book your appointment soon. Keep us updated and look after yourself *hug*

    POTW POTW POTW. Also for flibbertygibbert's post above this one, POTW. And also, POTW.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    well finally got my appointment for the 2nd and this is just for the scan, is this just gonna be a normal scan like putting the stuff on my stomach etc or is it something else? just because flibbertygibbert said it doesnt hurt....confussed :confused:
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    some time when the foetus is very young they can't see it through your stomach so they have to do an internal scan. This means that they put a thing thats a bit like a long pen covered in something that looks like a condom and lots of lube into your vagina - they warm the lube up first as well for you so it doesn't hurt at all.

    I would definately advise not looking at the screen - but i suspect that if they are properly trained the scan operating person will have read your notes and won't be all awww look at the baby as they have to usually turn the screen around for you to get a good view.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    It will just be a standard scan, nothing goes inside you or anything. They'll just ask you to show your belly, they put this warm jelly on you, which does feel a bit weird but doesn't hurt. You can feel the scanner they use pressing against you a bit but that's all. Will all be over in a couple of minutes and as has been mentioned you don't have to look. Good luck
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I don't really have anything constructive to add to this thread, but I just want to say I admire how brave you've been to post your story flibb, and even though you must be scared remorria I think you are facing a terrible situation with the resolve and courage I don't think I'd have.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    It will just be a standard scan, nothing goes inside you or anything. They'll just ask you to show your belly, they put this warm jelly on you, which does feel a bit weird but doesn't hurt. You can feel the scanner they use pressing against you a bit but that's all. Will all be over in a couple of minutes and as has been mentioned you don't have to look. Good luck


    This is most likely. Again, good luck.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Evenstar wrote: »
    I don't really have anything constructive to add to this thread, but I just want to say I admire how brave you've been to post your story flibb, and even though you must be scared remorria I think you are facing a terrible situation with the resolve and courage I don't think I'd have.

    same really. good luck to the OP, it's a difficult position to be in. and flibb, you've been so brave and you seem so thoughtful. all the best to both of you
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    its all over and done with now, quite relieved but still a feeling bit guilty/sad at the same time but it was the right decision for this time in my life.
    just want to say a huge thanks to flibb :) really helped with all your imformation and everyone elses thanks *hug*
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    The only way is for you to tell to your parents
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    At this point is a bit late. The child would be 3.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Leela stop dragging up old threads it fucking annoying.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    leela_e wrote: »
    The only way is for you to tell to your parents

    Did you actually read the OPs post and the rest of this thread ? She had an abortion over 3 years ago and you're telling someone to tell their parents about it now. Post whore or dumb ?
  • AuroraAurora Part of the furniture Posts: 11,720 An Original Mixlorian
    Leela stop dragging up old threads it fucking annoying.

    Tis annoying, but wouldn't it be helpful just to report old threads and when a mod comes online they can remove it?
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    **Angel** wrote: »
    Tis annoying, but wouldn't it be helpful just to report old threads and when a mod comes online they can remove it?

    I have reported them.
This discussion has been closed.