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Dependence

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
in Sex & Relationships
Hi guys.. I'm worried about how much my girlfriend relies on me, it's at a point where she literally cannot function without me around at times, her future plans have altered drastically by her just so she doesn't have to be away from me, she's given up on her dream. Problem is she has difficulty opening up to people and sometimes it's a little too much to handle. I can deal with it for the most part but if I have a down day it can just be too much and it can feel like it's my fault she's giving up. I just don't know what to do and I love her and hate to see her upset like this :( ~J~

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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    What is your gf's dream, and can you maybe encourage her to rekindle the passion for it?

    I give it to you straight, this kind of dependence is - at least in my opinion, but I think many people would agree - very unhealthy and not permanently sustainable in a relationship. I think that this absolute reliance on a person says a lot about self-esteem issues and other similar problems which need to be addressed and solved before you tackle the dependency problem.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Hey meagain

    It sounds like you guys are close and like you care about her a lot, but it can feel quite suffocating being the 'strong' one all the time in a relationship.

    Are you able to tell us a bit more about your/her situation? It sounds like she may benefit from some counselling - is she having that, or has she considered it? Maybe gently encouraging her to give it a try may take a bit of the pressure off of you.

    Our articles on what will happen when I start counselling and How can I open up to my counsellor may help her get her head around the idea.

    Spanner
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I know it isn't healthy, so today we've been talking about it, it was a little difficult to explain because I didn't want to hurt her in any way, but she's agreed to attempt online counselling for the time being as it's indirect so she won't be as uncomfortable with opening up, which seems like a step in the right direction. To respond about her dream, ever since I met her she seemed set on doing Clinical Psychology at uni, and she had it all planned out: A-levels, which course at uni and even which uni's to apply for, but now she's said about giving up on that so she doesn't have to go years without seeing me practically everyday.. Thanks guys :)
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Could you talk to her parents about it? She needs a reality check, she can't come to uni with you, she's going to go for chunks of time without seeing you, and not being able to do that is a big problem for her.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Tbh I don't think telling her parents would do much good going off of my knowledge of them, but yeah I know it's something that does need to be ammended because this time next year we'll be gearing up for uni or whatever
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Well, maybe not, be she's their responsibility in many ways.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I know what you mean :/
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