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Can't stop thinking about them, need some help?
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
To understand, I should probably tell you a briefishy-long description of the events to date..
I online dated someone for about a year, give or take. The relationship didn't start off entirely truthful from their side of things mainly, telling me they were a 17 year old guy who later (8 months after meeting, 3 months into the relationship) told me they were a 12 year old girl. Yeah.. lets just say I was extremely gullible and she used her brothers and his friend's pictures. Even though I was completely devastated that she'd lied not only about who she was but about her entire life, I had no one to talk to as she was quite controlling and dictated who she did and didn't like me speaking to (I'm passive due to my upbringing and previous experiences), so I didn't really have anyone to talk it out with and had to try and learn to love her. Once realising her personality was more or less the same as before, we got on and slowly built up our relationship again. By this time I was 15 and she was 13.
Throughout the whole relationship we helped each other out best we could and went through the highs and lows of not just life, but the complications of dating someone across the seas when you're both rather poor. But things started to break down, she didn't like me talking to anyone else and wanted my undivided attention when she was about and it was as if she expected me to adjust my English sleeping pattern to fit her American one and work around her life. Because I had no real life friends or really did anything in the day, I changed my days to work around her. This made me try and befriend other people online, to which I would succeed, but much to her annoyance. She subjected every friend of mine who was a guy as my "boyfriend", annoying me at first but later I just accepted it and moved on. She seemed to get jealous and say they were trying to take me away from her. They all told me our relationship wasn't good for either of us, but I tried to ignore them because I really did love her a lot at that point. I'm extremely socially awkward and anxious, so if I did go out it'd be hard enough as it was, let alone with her complaining "noo, don't leeeave meeee", making me late for things and more anxious and upset about leaving her.
Now as I said before, she was 13 and lived a looong way away from me. So even though we were in a relationship, nothing of any sexual nature went on. Which was... weird. I befriended one of her old friends and she got extremely agitated by this, saying all he wanted to do was split us up and ruin her life because he hated her. I didn't really belive her, partly because of how controlling she was with who I spoke to, her jealous nature and because of how he acted towards me. Also being the passive person I was and because he was a good looking older teen who seemed to show an interest in me, I continued talking to him (feebish, I know -.-). This got so irritating to her she told me to block him, or lose her. Giving me the ultimatum of my partner versus a new friend who was opening my eyes to the world (giving me advice and helping me to really think about how I self harmed myself and later if I was honestly happy in the relationship I was in). I blocked him for a while, but ended up missing our conversations as I had no one else to talk to when my girlfriend was off sleeping or at school or living or whatever, so re-added him. I didn't tell her and things.... went on. If you get what I mean. We flirted, played truth or dare, one thing lead to another and you can probably imagine the rest. At the time I felt like I was living in two worlds, one when I was with him and feeling happy, though slightly uncomfortable, the other with her, feeling so guilty and wretched inside. Yet it was as if I just couldn't stop talking to him, like an addiction some might say. Soon enough me and her were talking less and I started actually going out a little bit. I was starting to build confidence and after months of thinking about it, I told her perhaps we should have a break form the relationship. I should probably add that in darker times, we'd told each other we'd die if our relationship broke down and we split up. So my decision could've come at great cost. All she seemed to do was spread some lies around a few mutual friends then "officially" end it after about two weeks of the break.
She went her way and I went mine, hers seems to've got more depressive, but I'm actually going out a lot more, feeling happier and more confident in my self and actually making a few friends. Our speaking got less and less over time, at a point I did detest her quite a lot. But we recently started talking again, just now and then and I can't seem to get her off my mind. And this is where my problem lays right now..
I know I can't get into another LDR at the moment and it's definitely not best with her. But that doesn't stop the feelings creeping back or the memories that we shared through some of my darkest times. She knows I like her and I know she likes me, but we both know nothing can come of it. So knowing all the facts and everything, I'm asking myself why I still feel like I want her... I just want her off my mind and let me carry on getting on with my life. I'm conflicting within myself, part of me just wanting to see her and be with her so badly, another just wanting nothing to do with her and wanting to move on. I don't know what to do and need some help, what to you guys say?
I online dated someone for about a year, give or take. The relationship didn't start off entirely truthful from their side of things mainly, telling me they were a 17 year old guy who later (8 months after meeting, 3 months into the relationship) told me they were a 12 year old girl. Yeah.. lets just say I was extremely gullible and she used her brothers and his friend's pictures. Even though I was completely devastated that she'd lied not only about who she was but about her entire life, I had no one to talk to as she was quite controlling and dictated who she did and didn't like me speaking to (I'm passive due to my upbringing and previous experiences), so I didn't really have anyone to talk it out with and had to try and learn to love her. Once realising her personality was more or less the same as before, we got on and slowly built up our relationship again. By this time I was 15 and she was 13.
Throughout the whole relationship we helped each other out best we could and went through the highs and lows of not just life, but the complications of dating someone across the seas when you're both rather poor. But things started to break down, she didn't like me talking to anyone else and wanted my undivided attention when she was about and it was as if she expected me to adjust my English sleeping pattern to fit her American one and work around her life. Because I had no real life friends or really did anything in the day, I changed my days to work around her. This made me try and befriend other people online, to which I would succeed, but much to her annoyance. She subjected every friend of mine who was a guy as my "boyfriend", annoying me at first but later I just accepted it and moved on. She seemed to get jealous and say they were trying to take me away from her. They all told me our relationship wasn't good for either of us, but I tried to ignore them because I really did love her a lot at that point. I'm extremely socially awkward and anxious, so if I did go out it'd be hard enough as it was, let alone with her complaining "noo, don't leeeave meeee", making me late for things and more anxious and upset about leaving her.
Now as I said before, she was 13 and lived a looong way away from me. So even though we were in a relationship, nothing of any sexual nature went on. Which was... weird. I befriended one of her old friends and she got extremely agitated by this, saying all he wanted to do was split us up and ruin her life because he hated her. I didn't really belive her, partly because of how controlling she was with who I spoke to, her jealous nature and because of how he acted towards me. Also being the passive person I was and because he was a good looking older teen who seemed to show an interest in me, I continued talking to him (feebish, I know -.-). This got so irritating to her she told me to block him, or lose her. Giving me the ultimatum of my partner versus a new friend who was opening my eyes to the world (giving me advice and helping me to really think about how I self harmed myself and later if I was honestly happy in the relationship I was in). I blocked him for a while, but ended up missing our conversations as I had no one else to talk to when my girlfriend was off sleeping or at school or living or whatever, so re-added him. I didn't tell her and things.... went on. If you get what I mean. We flirted, played truth or dare, one thing lead to another and you can probably imagine the rest. At the time I felt like I was living in two worlds, one when I was with him and feeling happy, though slightly uncomfortable, the other with her, feeling so guilty and wretched inside. Yet it was as if I just couldn't stop talking to him, like an addiction some might say. Soon enough me and her were talking less and I started actually going out a little bit. I was starting to build confidence and after months of thinking about it, I told her perhaps we should have a break form the relationship. I should probably add that in darker times, we'd told each other we'd die if our relationship broke down and we split up. So my decision could've come at great cost. All she seemed to do was spread some lies around a few mutual friends then "officially" end it after about two weeks of the break.
She went her way and I went mine, hers seems to've got more depressive, but I'm actually going out a lot more, feeling happier and more confident in my self and actually making a few friends. Our speaking got less and less over time, at a point I did detest her quite a lot. But we recently started talking again, just now and then and I can't seem to get her off my mind. And this is where my problem lays right now..
I know I can't get into another LDR at the moment and it's definitely not best with her. But that doesn't stop the feelings creeping back or the memories that we shared through some of my darkest times. She knows I like her and I know she likes me, but we both know nothing can come of it. So knowing all the facts and everything, I'm asking myself why I still feel like I want her... I just want her off my mind and let me carry on getting on with my life. I'm conflicting within myself, part of me just wanting to see her and be with her so badly, another just wanting nothing to do with her and wanting to move on. I don't know what to do and need some help, what to you guys say?
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Comments
I wouldn't necessarily suggest cutting off all ties, but I wouldn't blame you if you did. You come across as a reasonably kind and caring person, and it is wrong of people to use that against you.
There's a lot of tension and even some jealousy between us both at the moment so I'm just trying to stay out of her way and stop talking to her, at least for the moment. Talking to each other will in the long run make things more complicated and worse off for us both. It seems talking to each other just makes us both feel far worse, even if it does give a little comfort.
Thanks for your reply and I think it's best if I do end up cutting off all ties eventually.