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Am I being taken advantage of?
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
Someone in my immediate family keeps asking me for money, there is a long history of this... I thought that because their personal circumstances have changed, that that habitual behaviour of asking for money would cease. Unfortunately not. At the moment they owe me over £200, and are now asking for another £100... it makes me really uncomfortable and sad, because they constantly text/facebook message me/call until I give an answer, and me being me, it is usually yeah OK... and then the usual practice is that they will 'pay me back in installmants...starting next week...'
Now I know that yeah I have a bit of money saved up, and yeah they are my family, but seriously, this brings up shit from the past every time they ask, and I just feel so disappointed in them. They seem to have enough to smoke weed everyday but not to get the food shopping in, or pay the phone bill.
I don't know what to do, if I tell my parents, they will get angry at me and this person and I don't want to risk a fall out. I mentioned it to my MH team and they said something about safeguarding(?).
I'm so fed up of this as it just goes on and on and I never seem to get paid back.
any advice?
Now I know that yeah I have a bit of money saved up, and yeah they are my family, but seriously, this brings up shit from the past every time they ask, and I just feel so disappointed in them. They seem to have enough to smoke weed everyday but not to get the food shopping in, or pay the phone bill.
I don't know what to do, if I tell my parents, they will get angry at me and this person and I don't want to risk a fall out. I mentioned it to my MH team and they said something about safeguarding(?).
I'm so fed up of this as it just goes on and on and I never seem to get paid back.
any advice?
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Comments
As for what you can do, the thing you have to do is also the thing that is hardest to do. You have to tell them to fuck off. Be nice or be nasty, lie and say you have no money, it doesn't really matter. They are exploiting you and it needs to stop; the only way of making it stop is to say no. But be prepared for a backlash if you do, although being realistic they don't have any intention of giving you your money back any time soon anyway.
If they're really stuck give them the phone number for the CAB or the credit union. Or Wonga.
It sounds like this relative is putting you in a really difficult position, knowing that you're unlikely to tell your parents.
I'd go with the advice of the others - do what you can to put a stop to this. You don't have to be mean about it, but you do need to be firm and prove to them that you're not an easy target. They'll soon move on to someone else if they realise that they can't get any more out of you.
If you're worried that telling your parents might ruin your friendship, perhaps you could consider telling someone else - someone neutral? They could maybe help you approach this person to work out how to get back what you're already owed without turning it into a big war.
I thought I'd also post one of TheSite's article's: In debt to your friends. It's aimed at the person who's asking to borrow money, but reading it might shed a bit more light on your situation.
Good luck and let us know how you get on
all i know what to do is ignore the person and hope they get the message...
they have backed off a bit now.. thankfully... hmmm meh
I think at the end of the day though you have to realised it's not a balanced relationship and it's not a pattern that can continue. You need to stop and allow them to make their own way in life.
I wouldn't lend any money to anyone, unless you know that you'll get it back.
Just say "No". If they're not working, tell them to get a job and don't be so d£mn lazy. Just my opinion