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Young, free & single
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
I have been happily single for 9 months now after a horribly abusive 3.5yr relationship exploded in a splendid fashion!! I have been "playing the field" so to speak both in real life and online dating. I'm having so much fun it's fab...
But why do I feel sad that I spend most night's alone bar the company of a foster dog?
But why do I feel sad that I spend most night's alone bar the company of a foster dog?
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Its not even loneliness, its more the lack of companionship. Wanting someone to curl up to, to share times with.
No words of wisdom to offer, just to say I empathise.
I can sympathize, it's not unusual for us to be surrounded and feel alone in the crowd. I myself, am facing with trying to find companionship. Finding someone you can trust and feel that special connection with his a hard endeavor.
It seems twice as hard when you've already been hurt or you ended a relationship. We become subconsciously afraid to open up and show our vulnerability. I broke up with my boyfriend over 5 years ago and I still feel the drained confidence and the need to throw up walls anytime anyone gets close.
I can only say what you should do in my opinion, but note I say this while I myself am still struggling to do so.
For me, after the break up I became a shut in. All my friends moved away and at the time I had no vehicle to go see them so every visit was taxing and an all day task. I began to notice I'd spend hour after hour immersed in the computer games, stories, movies anything to escape the reality I didn't really feel comfortable in.
I took me some time, for a long time I'd have random casual encounters thinking all I needed was something physical. I realize now what I wanted wasn't that, it was something deeper. I wanted a relationship, companionship, someone to hold me tight when I felt down.
Realizing my current habits made this goal far more hypothetical than probable. I thought of how to change my habits to obtain my goal. So I bought a vehicle, and began to go out more often even it was just for a walk on a nice day. I threw myself out there in the real world. Yeah it was scary as hell at first but if I didn't I wouldn't have met so many people who are now my friends and some who I feel there may be that fabled connection with.
My advice to you, is re-think what it is that makes you feel so alone, if its a habit or fear, find a way to overcome in, even if you just need to make baby-steps. Like when someone goes down to drinking one soft drink a day just so they can try to lose some weight, or a shy girl tries to smile more often even though she's terrified.
You said you feel alone at the bar, try inviting a good friend. Having a wingman isn't a bad thing, and if your friend is taken, its likely you can use that to your advantage when your 'playing the field'. Worst case scenario at least you have someone to talk to while you're there. Just remember most people will see you the way you see yourself, so if you see yourself as sad an alone, that's how other people will view you.
Be strong, smile and stand up straight, you're only as magnificent as you allow yourself to be. Next time you see that cute guy/girl glance your way, smile and wave. Hell take a bold step and strike up a casual conversation. Confidence is incredibly attractive to everyone and people catch on to how hard it is to make that first greeting to a total stranger.
Anyways I hope what I said can be of help, good luck and I hope you stop feeling so alone.