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I feel wrong inside?

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
I'm not sure how to phrase any of this and I am really sorry if it doesn't make sense.
But lately I've been feeling really weird, as in I just don't feel real. I feel so disconnected from everything. I think something has gone wrong inside me, I've stopped taking my meds over the last few days as I think they are poisoning me and I don't trust them. I don't trust any of my care team at all.. and I have managed to get out of seeing most of them ever again.

But I've been having memory lapses, I'm sleeping for about 12 hours a day now, I'm having nightmares, eating makes me feel sick and I think my family are trying to get me to kill myself, or leave their lives. I know my family love me, but I have to ttrust my instincts. I can't tell this to my mental health team as I can't talk to them, it's actually to hard and I am to scared they'll lock me up back in the hospital. The last 3 weeks were awful and I was overdosing almost everyday, but it was keeping me safe and here in the present. Whereas now I feel like I am in a dream state.

I'm just really scared and feel so alone, I don't know what to do? I can't ring a helpline, and there is no one I can talk to who I trust.

Comments

  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Hey lovely.

    I have felt this way before. I went to my doctor and it helped. Would you consider this?

    Its great youve posted. Your not alone in this. You have all us.

    Take care lovely.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Hi Ellie

    Well done for posting and trying to explain how you're feeling - it must be hard to put it into the right words, but you've be really open and honest :)

    Feeling so disconnected and like reality is slipping away is scary and isolating. It's understandable that you don't feel able to bring this up with some of your care team, but you say your family love you - is there anyone in your family you could talk to? It really sounds like you need to do this in order to reconnect with the here and now a bit more. Sometimes, just talking about what's going on can put you back in that space.

    As ClaireStephanie suggests, talking to your doctor would be really good for you right now too. Coming off of medication so suddenly can have some pretty serious repercussions and it should really be done under the advice of a doctor so you do it carefully - it could even be impacting on how you're feeling, so getting advice on this could improve your moods.

    I'm not sure that I explained that very well, but there's a good article on TheSite which explains it much better! Here's a passage from the article:

    "The most important thing is to make sure that you reduce your tablets gradually - if you stop them quickly you're more likely to get withdrawal symptoms. "Withdrawal symptoms will depend on the strength of the medication you are taking - tablets with a shorter duration of effect will generally cause more symptoms," says Dr Newman."

    Here's the link if you'd like to read more:

    Coming off antidepressants

    Do keep posting and let us know how you're feeling.
    Take care
    *hug*
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Hi thanks for the responses.

    I have a Doctors appointment tomorrow because my social worker wanted me to get a physiological exam. But last time I was at my doctors, she said to me: "A young girl like you just needs a boyfriend. That will get you back on track."
    She wasn't very helpful. The most the doctors actually do is get the crisis team to ring me, but I can't talk to the crisis team, they don't like me very much and I annoy them.

    I saw my social worker yesterday and she said to me that I am to closed, I don't give her anything to work with. But I explained to her that if I told her about my self harm, like truthfully how bad it's gotten, then there would be consequences. Which there would be, I would be forced to go to A&E and afterwards be assessed for hospital admission, again.

    I just don't know, I think it's the paranoia that's getting to me. I feel so worthless and I deserve what's happening to me. That's what my care team don't understand. But I just can't trust anyone, I annoy everyone I am close to and if I ask for support about mental health from people around me they get annoyed, because they don't want to hear about it.

    Sorry if I don't make much sense, it's just I feel safe on here :)
  • *BananaMonkey**BananaMonkey* Lyrical Poster Posts: 5,427 Part of The Furniture
    Very unhelpful reply from your doctor there lovely. I am sorry this was said to you.

    I am sure that the crisis team don't "dislike" you, they have a duty of care. Nobpdy deserves to go through these feelings, I am so sorry that you feel you can't speak about mental health to people around you, having us online will hopefully benefit you.

    We're always here for you, please keep posting if it helps you :)
    " And everywhere I am, there you'll be, your love made me make it through, oh I owe so much to you "
    " So I say thank you for the music, the songs I'm singing, thanks for all the joy they're bringing, who can live without it, I ask in all honestly what would life be? Without a song or a dance, what are we? So I say thank you for the music, for giving it to me "
    '' It's a beautiful day and I can't stop myself from smiling "
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I told my mum about my paranoia thoughts, she told me I was stupid. Plus my sister hates me, I know she does. She's the person that means the most to me in this world though and the more she pushes me away, the tighter I cling on. She's lost her antibiotics and painkillers, which I have been accused of stealing. So now my family won't talk to me. I'm just really struggling at the moment :(
  • *BananaMonkey**BananaMonkey* Lyrical Poster Posts: 5,427 Part of The Furniture
    So sorry to hear about how your mum responded. Remember we are all here for you.

    Keep posting here. We all care. <3

    Sent from my GT-S5830 using Tapatalk 2
    " And everywhere I am, there you'll be, your love made me make it through, oh I owe so much to you "
    " So I say thank you for the music, the songs I'm singing, thanks for all the joy they're bringing, who can live without it, I ask in all honestly what would life be? Without a song or a dance, what are we? So I say thank you for the music, for giving it to me "
    '' It's a beautiful day and I can't stop myself from smiling "
  • *BananaMonkey**BananaMonkey* Lyrical Poster Posts: 5,427 Part of The Furniture
    Your not stupid at all lovely. I promise you that. :)

    Sent from my GT-S5830 using Tapatalk 2
    " And everywhere I am, there you'll be, your love made me make it through, oh I owe so much to you "
    " So I say thank you for the music, the songs I'm singing, thanks for all the joy they're bringing, who can live without it, I ask in all honestly what would life be? Without a song or a dance, what are we? So I say thank you for the music, for giving it to me "
    '' It's a beautiful day and I can't stop myself from smiling "
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Hey JoJo, thanks for your response!

    I have been under the crisis/home treatment team on a regular basis. I have stayed a few times on the inpatient unit which they run. The problem is I don't trust them and as a result I can't be truthful with them. I think part of the problem is, when my care team asks me about self harm I cannot tell them how far it's gone in terms of taking tablets. There would be to many consequences for telling them the truth. There is no one in this world I trust 100% and I am as a result not talking to anyone, specifically my family about what's going on. They hate it when I talk to them about it. They're response is 'Oh, here we go again.'

    But thank you for your response and I hope you're okay! xx
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