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How do I not come across as too needy?

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
I've met someone really nice and I'd really like to make a go of it, but I'm aware that I can come across as fairly emotionally needy. I like cuddles, I will cuddle up as much as I can. I also like to share when I've had a shit day or a pretty good day, but I'm worried that he might see it as neediness. I don't know whether I should wait for him to text back more often or should I maybe hang back a bit? I don't want to come across as anyone other than me but I really don't want to put him off.

Any tips?

I also realise that I'm thinking about these things like its the first relationship I've ever had not like the twenty something I am...not sure why

Comments

  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I've always felt you should be able to be yourself. I made the mistake of projecting extra confidence and being totally self-assured when Picc and I first got together, but what really made the difference is when I needed her help, it made the relationship more equal.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Wanting to share your day with your partner and wanting to cuddle your partner is not too needy. If your partner is telling you that it is too needy then perhaps you're really not very well suited. I share my day with Dr Roll and she shares hers with me.

    If you're texting him 47 times a day asking where he is and who he's with and "do you still love me?" then that is too needy.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Pretty much what Arctic said.

    Needs to be sharing both ways though, rather than all one direction.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    No he's not saying I'm too needy, I'm just worried I am coming across as such.

    He has bipolar but he's very self aware of what is and isn't good for him so he's wanting to take it slowly and the relationship be based on love not sex (which is exactly what I want too, but when we had been unable to keep our hands off each other it was a bit hard when he said he it best to wait). I just don't want to come across as needing him to be there for me 24/7 or being too moany or anything like that.

    I am very touchy feely and I'm not going to be anything else, but I also know that I do like a fair amount of attention as to be fussed over.

    I just really like him and I don't want to fuck this one up!!
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Obviously I agree entirely with Mrs. Piccolo there ;) But, seriously, if you're compatible and you like each other then keep doing what you're doing.

    Maybe have a conversation with him about expectations, if you think you're ready for that.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Obviously I agree entirely with Mrs. Piccolo there ;) But, seriously, if you're compatible and you like each other then keep doing what you're doing.

    Maybe have a conversation with him about expectations, if you think you're ready for that.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I just miss him.

    I've sent him several messages about when I might come over on the weekend and he's avoided the subject. I'm wondering if he's not as keen as I thought he was.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I'd drop the subject unless he brings it up now.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    It's this stage of the relationship always seems really hard...
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I think I've fucked it up again. :(

    He's sent me messages saying he thinks we're romantically incompatible. I've sent messages saying I disagree but I'm probably fighting a losing battle.

    FUCK!!! :(

    He's the one of the most genuine and interesting guys I've come across in a long time and I really thought we had a lot in common.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Whether someone is "needy" or not is entirely subjective.

    Honestly, to me.....(and obviously i don't know you personally) you seem a little needy. Maybe to this guy you also seem a little needy.

    But if someone is truly right for you then they will want you to need them and so won't think you are needy at all....

    As long as you have been yourself then you haven't fucked it up, you just aren't compatible with this guy. And if you have been yourself, and he thinks you are incompatible, there is no point trying to convince him otherwise.

    Modifying your behaviour to suit someone else will never lead anywhere anyway good IMO
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    What fucked things up was I came on a bit strong and he went with it rather than saying "whoah there" we messed around a little on the first date and now I think he has the idea I want a lot more. I just wanted to get to know him.

    I seem to have a pattern of coming on too strong or just scaring off nice guys and those who have emotional issues seem to flock to me!! I have no idea what to do to sort this out so that it doesn't continue!
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Hi Miss_Riot,

    So sorry it didn't work out the way you had hoped :(

    Dating is not easy, and like you said those stages of relationship can be really hard! Its a very sensitive line to cross in order to get to the other side of having the secure and comfortable relationship. It's good he was honest with you, rather now then later, however it's understandable that you feel upset. As a lot of people have said, sometimes people are just incompatible;
    Neddy wrote: »
    But if someone is truly right for you then they will want you to need them and so won't think you are needy at all....

    As long as you have been yourself then you haven't fucked it up, you just aren't compatible with this guy.

    People do tend to repeat certain patterns and it seems like meeting men with emotional issues has been a recurring thing for you?

    Try not to be too hard on yourself, he seemed to have a lot going on and perhaps wasn't looking for the same things as you *hug*
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I just need to stop doing anything on the first date. I think guys might treat me better then.

    No idea :/
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Miss_Riot wrote: »
    I just need to stop doing anything on the first date. I think guys might treat me better then.

    No idea :/

    Rubbish.

    You just need to find ones that aren't dickbags. How long do you chat to them for before you go on dates?
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