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Who am i? *Possibly triggering*

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
Feeling extremely low. I don't know who i am. I feel as if i have to hold it together but i'm no longer holding it together for me. I want to sleep. At times i don't want to wake up because i cannot go on with this pain. When it comes down to it, i have nobody. I love my parents and i sort of accept them splitting when i was young but that's it. That's all i have. The rest of my family are shit and i have 'friends' who let me down and don't support me.
On top of all this i'm on a comedown from coke and i'm panicing when i'll get my next high.
When i was at work the other day i didn't feel in reality. I know whats really going on. I was drifting and couldn't concentrating.
Will this all ever stop? I'm too afraid to tell my CPN or dr. But i'm fucking sick of painting a pretty picture. Sometimes i feel that i'm living a lie or one to wake up then sleep.
I've planned killing myself i feel it's better for everyone to be without me. i only get in the way.
I am nothing :crying:

Comments

  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    you definitely are not nothing *hug*

    why are you afraid of telling your CPN or doctor?
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Hey brunettebarbie

    Big hugs to you *hug* - like Ella says, you are worth way more than you're giving yourself credit for - on here alone you give support to others and have people who care about you. But it's hard to see the good things when we're really down, and it sounds like everything is a bit of blur for you at the moment.

    Reading your post I began to wonder what is at the root of your troubles? Are you using coke to cope with the way you're feeling, or has taking coke caused you to feel this way? You don't say how much you're using but it sounds like you may have some kind of dependency on it if you're panicking about getting your next high. Cocaine is highly addictive and can seriously affect your mood and personality, so it may be worth exploring the options of how to get help with giving up - I know that probably sounds scary but it could be a really positive move for you?

    If you did feel able to explore these options then you could look on the Addaction site to see if they run any services near you. Also, our Local Advice Finder may list some useful services.

    What do you think?...
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    ella! wrote: »
    you definitely are not nothing *hug*

    why are you afraid of telling your CPN or doctor?

    That's kind, Ella.

    I feel if i say too much i may be digging myself a hole. I don't want to go into hospital if things are out of control.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    spanner wrote: »
    But it's hard to see the good things when we're really down, and it sounds like everything is a bit of blur for you at the moment.

    Reading your post I began to wonder what is at the root of your troubles? Are you using coke to cope with the way you're feeling, or has taking coke caused you to feel this way? You don't say how much you're using but it sounds like you may have some kind of dependency on it if you're panicking about getting your next high. Cocaine is highly addictive and can seriously affect your mood and personality, so it may be worth exploring the options of how to get help with giving up - I know that probably sounds scary but it could be a really positive move for you?

    What do you think?...

    Yeah everything does feel a blur at the moment. I use coke to escape.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Yeah everything does feel a blur at the moment. I use coke to escape.

    Stay safe :heart:
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