my wits end

Former Member · March 2013

i seriously need some guidance right now, anyone to talk to. to vent to rage. i feel like im going to snap and its all because of this dysfunctional relationship, and i cant seem to let go. i need someone right now.. i really really need someone..

**helen** · March 2013

Hey big *hug*

The best thing you can do right here on TheSite is let it all out...as much detail as you feel comfortable with. A problem shared is a problem halved :yes:

Former Member · March 2013

its like im playing a losing game, ive been in various relation ships, mostly flings. the longest ive been in lasted two years, mainly girl from my age group, and the thing is most of us are still good friends. but as much as i hate to say it, for once i have no idea what to do. im 17 and ive been with this girl for about 7 months now, she's all but 15 and turning 16. ive had my hesitations of getting into a relationship with her, all because of her age difference, but i was enticed , i truly felt something great. we went through the all love and hearts, cupcake phase. but now i dont feel any love, i give 120 % and get 0% back ' make me happy' she says or ' try harder' , constantly threatening to kill herself, her attitude and jealousy has completely cut me off from my friends, her lies and manipulations have got me wondering if some of her problems are even real, i dont know what else to do, i do love her but my life is crumbling , so much is happening around me and she just demands more. i can barely sleep as i wonder if she's okay. this sad cruel resentment fills me, because i saved her from herself and now she's destroying me. she hates herself, calls herself ugly, wants to die, she has gained weight, and ive never pushed that in her face, i try getting her to work out with me but she refuses, she does nothing for school and is going to flunk and then blames me, ' why dont you help me' and when i do i get blown off ' im dumb, i cant do it' , she gives me deadlines , telling me if i dont fix it all she'll end her life, i truly feel like im at my wits end.. and even so there are so many details left out because of my haste and anger.. my sentence structure is laughable but i cant seem to express myself correctly.. i dont know what to do..

Former Member · March 2013

Out of interest, how long have you been in "the dating game"?

I ask because you say you're 17, and you have an awful lot of life ahead of you yet. I do tend to get saddened when I see people getting so worked up over relationships at a young age. All I would suggest, is that whether being in a relationship or not, be happy with yourself and try to enjoy your life.

Former Member · March 2013

G-Raffe wrote: »

Out of interest, how long have you been in "the dating game"?

I ask because you say you're 17, and you have an awful lot of life ahead of you yet. I do tend to get saddened when I see people getting so worked up over relationships at a young age. All I would suggest, is that whether being in a relationship or not, be happy with yourself and try to enjoy your life.

I agree. I'm not saying 17 is too young to feel love. But it's too young to get wound up about being in a relationship that's the last one. I'm 27 now and I think I've probably found it, but if I'm wrong (again) then I've still got time, even now.

Former Member · March 2013

sigh, ive been dating at the age of 14. the basic judgemental remark would be it was too young or whatnot, and i could agree. but maybe i just dont know how to deal with things, ive lost so much already and i feel bitter at life, and i dont want to lose someone else to self harm. ive had a great friend of mine, claire pass away after abuse from her stepdad, then roy from prostate cancer at the age of only 16. i could list so many more friends or loved ones i lost, and i concept of happiness is to make others happy, and im not making her happy, and she isnt making me happy, i just wish i could do something before its too late, i already feel like i have blood on my hands.. i already feel like i dont do enough in life, id love to be the generic guy with no troubles, but ive been constantly surrounded by people with issues, and i try to help i always do, but now im in a situation where i have no answers, where i try to fix things, and this person just keeps demanding more.. but if i turn my back and walk away, and if she does kill herself.. what then.. i didnt do enough, i let someone else die without doing enough..

Former Member · March 2013

If she killed herself, it would be her decision. You can't make yourself miserable because of these threats, whether she means them or not.

It's hard, but perhaps you could say to her parents "I'm breaking up with your daughter, we're not happy together, but she's said these things and I want someone to look after her". Because it's her parents job, not yours to take care of her.

Former Member · March 2013

her mother is suffers from cancer in her large bowels, her father is a schizophrenic but is locked up for drug trafficing and left her at an early age, her stepdad is a hatefull man. and i wish i could push it away like you tell me to. i keep telling myself its what i have to do, but i have no one to support me, wich is the reason i found myself here. i dont know how to feel about this.. i wanted a spark of happiness in life, someone that doesnt want to hang themselves, or put a bullet through their head. the last tragedy happened when a french (male) exchange student that loved freediving, got violated by the captain of the boat he lives on. he ended up diving further than he ever did with a lead weight, and by the time i found out, even tho we barely had contact.. i feel guilty for these things and i dont know why.. maybe its because ive been through it a couple of times.. but i just feel like i have to do more

Former Member · March 2013

These things are not your fault. And it's not your job to fix them.

If you didn't cause the pain, you don't need to feel guilty for it being there.

You're only 17, you're not even an adult yet, you're not trained, you're not qualified and you shouldn't be trying to deal with these issues alone. Have you thought about getting some help for yourself?

Former Member · March 2013

sigh i feel like a broken record, im wired like this and im sorry for sounding so stubborn.. but what if i did manage to help.. i couldve prevented atleast three of these occurrences.. and no ive never thought about getting help myself, im not the one thats supposed to be weak.. or atleast thats always what people tell me

Former Member · March 2013

Why is getting help weak? Why aren't you allowed help?

Former Member · March 2013

moments like these make me doubt everything around me.. ive always been the one to give help and there never seems to be time for my troubles, they're either considered dramatic or unimportant.. and thats how i start viewing them.. i barely share feelings like this to others. the only output i get is when i go to the pound where i work as a volunteer and sit in the back cage and cry my heart out with one of the german shepards that are kept there... i dont know i just dont know

Former Member · March 2013

You haven't really answered the questions, but I think you need to think about them.

If your friend who killed themselves had got some serious professional help (and maybe they did), but if they'd done that, instead of killing themselves I don't think you'd call them weak.

Admitting you need help is a major act of bravery, and a lot of people can't face doing it because of what people would say.

Former Member · March 2013

i do need help..

lbrum · March 2013

Hey *hug*

Sorry to hear that you feel sometimes there’s no time for your troubles. You said "i wish i could push it away like you tell me to. i keep telling myself its what i have to do, but i have no one to support me"

Here at TheSite.org there is always time to listen and be heard, I’m glad that you’ve found us and have been able to talk about what’s happening in your relationship.

It can be hard to admit when we need help, especially when it seems that other people in our lives have bigger things going on. However we can only begin to help other people when we are at our best so it’s a great step that you’ve realised you’d like some help coping.
Fiend makes a good point:

Fiend_85 wrote: »

These things are not your fault. And it's not your job to fix them.

If you didn't cause the pain, you don't need to feel guilty for it being there.

You're only 17, you're not even an adult yet, you're not trained, you're not qualified and you shouldn't be trying to deal with these issues alone. Have you thought about getting some help for yourself?

As a close friend and partner, it can feel like our own responsibility to help those close to us but please remember that there's only so much you can do to help someone before your own wellbeing is compromised. And with your own wellbeing being compromised you may not be able to offer the help you'd like in the best way possible.

Do you have any close family or friends you’d feel comfortable talking to about what’s happening at the moment and how you feel? As **Helen** said, talking about a problem can help and it may help you to know that those close to you are aware of the things that are concerning you.
It’s not clear whether you’re based in the UK or outside? If you could let us know we’ll be able to pass on some helpful places to go that could support you further.

Take care,

Laura

Former Member · April 2013

Try not to think about this. It's a great time for you to go out with friends and meet new people. No one is irreplaceable so look at the things from the bright side. Think for this like as an opportunity not as a problem.

my wits end

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