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26 male and never had a girlfriend.

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
Hi,

I'm brand new to the site, great information available. I was wondering if you could help me with a problem. As the thread suggests I'm 26 and have never had a girlfriend, I've had encounters with women but nothing really meaningful.

Since being 16 I've suffered massive depression but feeling a lot better the last few years. I never really wanted to be in a relationship carrying my own problems and landing them on someone else.

I feel I'm in a better place at the moment and feel empty without someone to share life with.

Would the fact that I haven't had a girlfriend put women off?

I've been trying to meet new women over the last few months but I'm not doing very well.

Any help or comments appreciated.

Thanks for reading.

Comments

  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I'd hazard a guess that women will or at least should appreciate you for who you are, not what you might or might not have managed to achieve in the past. There are a lot of people in life who flitter around in numerous and short term relationships never feeling completely satisfied. You and a potential future partner will know when you have met the right person, and its all about how you click together, not whether you have clicked or not with other people in the past.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    There's no need to tell people you've never had a girlfriend. Let a relationship develop on its own merits, there's no point bringing up the past unless the other person asks.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I think the fact that your haven't had a girlfriend partly due to not wanting to land your problems on someone else shows a really good level of self awareness and respect for others. I wouldn't have an issue with someone who hasn't had a girlfriend before - particularly on those grounds. I think it shows that you care for those around you.

    Have you tried online dating? It can be a bit of trial and error but it can work.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Miss_Riot wrote: »
    Have you tried online dating? It can be a bit of trial and error but it can work.

    I think offline dating can be a bit trial and error as well. People tend to measure success with wholly offline and online dating differently. Say you met someone at a bar/social event/around town and you suddenly click, what about all the times you have walked around and not clicked with someone? People tend to forget about that when they do online dating as they often judge their sucess on how many messages or profile views they get. It might be easier to hide behind a fake profile as well, but there are plenty of people in the offline world who pretend to be who they are not.

    For the original poster, I'd say give online dating a shout as its quite good for being able to take a bit of time to react to a response, rather than feeling pressured on the spot. That way I have always found it easier to build up a bit of rapport with people. Hope it all goes well for you.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Thanks for the great replies, appreciate it!

    I've never tried online dating but might give it a shot, nothing to lose!

    I get the impression from certain women that it's a problem. One woman said to me "what? you've never had a girlfriend?" and kept going on about it, I barely knew her! :chin:
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Simon86i wrote: »
    Thanks for the great replies, appreciate it!

    I've never tried online dating but might give it a shot, nothing to lose!

    I get the impression from certain women that it's a problem. One woman said to me "what? you've never had a girlfriend?" and kept going on about it, I barely knew her! :chin:

    I think in situations like that, its down to there being some kind of misguided notion in society that you have to be with someone to be happy. People can indeed feel a bit miserable if they are single, but it's often down to being single and believing this "I have to be in a relationship myth".

    Relationships can be deeply fulfilling, but whether you have been in several relationships up to this point in time or none at all, it doesn't change the fact that you are single in the here and now. Therefore your past shouldn't effect any future potential relationships. Unfortunately there are a few shallow people out there, but if your situation really does bother people then its probably a good sign that they're not the kind of people you should want to be getting into a relationship with in the first place.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I think if you bring it up early as a massive issue then women are more likely to go "what the fuck?", at least a bit. Honestly there's no need to bring up exes at all until you've got some level of connection, certainly I've never asked about exes (and by implication the lack of them) with someone on a first or a second date. Really it's just not necessary.

    I think if you make a big deal about your lack of experience then you will find that women will also make a big deal about it, but if you're fairly laid back about it all then they will be too. When you have a strong connection with someone it really doesn't matter whether you've had no previous partners or whether you've had fifty.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I know it is cheesy, but with the right person it won't matter a single bit what your past romantic life has been like. If someone thinks it is a big deal or weird, then they are obviously not the right one for you or, to be honest, worth the effort of talking to really. Do you have many female friends?

    Maybe try and get out and join some new clubs/ start some new hobbies and just get used to starting random conversations with people you have never met before? Often the first introduction can be the hardest, but once you are used to that then hopefully you can open yourself up to approaching more women you are interested in. You never know, someone you meet doing a new hobby could turn into a romance themselves, and you will have a mutual interest to talk about to start with, rather than having to talk about your past and make it an issue.

    In my personal experience, the best relationships start as friendships, or by meeting through friends, as you have something in common and it isn't as nerve wracking. Perhaps just work on developing relationships in general, then even if you don't find a partner anytime soon, you still have people to trust, have fun with and just help you feel fulfilled and happier? Love isn't something you can rush, it is just being patient and being open to finding the right person. For some people that happens at 16 and some 30- there is no shame in it either way.

    Good luck with online dating if you do give it a try!
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Whowhere wrote: »
    There's no need to tell people you've never had a girlfriend. Let a relationship develop on its own merits, there's no point bringing up the past unless the other person asks.
    This. I have a friend in his 30's who was a virgin up untill recently and never had a girlfriend. The problem just got worse the longer it went on and the more he thought about it untill he recently met a girl who he became really close friends with first, the sex and relationship came later after he was so relaxed with her he didnt care what she thought about him never havinghad a GF (she actually thought it was quite sweet)
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Don't worry to express yourself. Don't hesitate to ask some girl out or make her a compliment. Girls appreciate the sense of humor and good manners. Wish you luck and don't worry, you will meet someone special. Just think positive and believe in this.:)
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