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Recovering Passion

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
I know I wrote here maybe five months ago... I wrote that in the past year I have had disabling depression and that I felt like I'd lost six months of my life and also lost most of my friends... My social situation has improved, but I still feel in a funny place right now and was wondering if anyone can empathise....

I'm in a job I really dislike. The work is monotonous, we sometimes get aggressive clients (I was threatened on Friday), we are unrecognised for anything and things are getting worse... I have applied for a Masters to get out of London (I am starting to hate it... too many people, too expensive, too impersonal) and I know I'll be leaving in August....

But the past year I've lost not only people in my life, but passion. I used to be very passionate, care a lot, but I spend my days in work clock watching and time outside work either dreading going back, or watching Netflix.

I find the gym helps and I've started helping at a community garden and growing my own food...But I just don't feel that spark anymore and I kinda wonder if it was part of the "highs" of bipolar and now I'm medicated, I am actually a very boring person...

More so, I don't feel I have anybody to talk to about anything not work or relationship based. I do most things alone and hardly talk to anyone outside of work, apart from maybe once a month socialising...

The only time I have felt a spark in the past year was exploring Amsterdam (alone). Everything else just bores me shitless... I kinda worry that I may still be bored and lifeless when I start uni again, but really, I want to feel something... Now...
Can anybody relate to this and does anybody know a way out?

Comments

  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Actually, when I think about it, my job is a huge part of it. Think I'm gonna look for a temp job until I can move to university.

    I am dreading going back on Tuesday... I may ask to change teams as well. I can't deal wih screaming children and other people's anger issues any more. :(

    I am sure my workplace is he very thing that nearly hospitalised me before and which triggered me to be bipolar.

    I
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I don't have anything useful to say but I'm just curious what your job is?
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Hm, it sounds like you are in a tough situation. When you say that you don't feel that spark anymore, I can relate in a way (but my experience is not connected to medication). I was betrayed before and I felt like I lost my innocence and ever since I haven't really been the same. Its like my light was extinguished and ever since I'm wondering how to spark it again. Why don't you like to socialize with other people? :(
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Ballerina wrote: »
    I don't have anything useful to say but I'm just curious what your job is?
    I can't say I'm afraid.... But it's public sector.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Alex23 wrote: »
    Hm, it sounds like you are in a tough situation. When you say that you don't feel that spark anymore, I can relate in a way (but my experience is not connected to medication). I was betrayed before and I felt like I lost my innocence and ever since I haven't really been the same. Its like my light was extinguished and ever since I'm wondering how to spark it again. Why don't you like to socialize with other people? :(

    Shit... sorry to hear of your hurt. Betrayal cuts so deep, it's as if they've taken time as well as hurt and betrayed. :-( Was it long ago?

    I don't dislike socialising, but I have so few people in my life with similar interests. It's just a lot of my mates left London as well, or are really busy. That and we're all trying to save money.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Yeah. Its hard for me to find people with similar interests as well. I have such odd interests that could get ridiculed. What are your interests?
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Alex23 wrote: »
    Yeah. Its hard for me to find people with similar interests as well. I have such odd interests that could get ridiculed. What are your interests?
    Sustainability, human rights, current affairs, Buddhism, social justice, sexuality and gender ect

    You?
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I like current affairs, sexuality and gender, scientific discoveries, photoshop editing, and others. You said the only time you felt life again was when you went to amsterdam alone. Why don't you try traveling again?
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Ah if only you could just come and be West Country based and help me set up my accessible permaculture garden and stuff! I have had the same thing with my physical illness and series of shitty friendships and relationships - it's so hard dealing with the here and now that you have no passion left for anything else in your life. I personally found that getting myself out of London made a huge difference to how I felt mentally. But I also found that because smaller towns don't have all of the social activities of london i became a little bit isolated. I don't have a huge amount of Advice but I do empathise with how you feel. I think it's very important to give yourself plenty is structured me time-so that you feel like you're actually getting something out of it.

    Let me know how you get on
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I know how you feel, I'm mostly stuck in Plymouth until September, I haven't made many close friends, I've made friends but no one I have much in common with. I enjoy what I study but I don't feel totally fulfilled, I don't have a burning passion for anything in my life right now. It sucks.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Alex23 wrote: »
    Why don't you try traveling again?
    Money and travel.. I'd give up my job tomorrow, but need to work until August so I can afford my Masters and have a money buffer.

    I just don't feel safe... I don't want to go in to details as legally, I can't even criticise my departent online (they have been known to read work Emails and snoop on Facebook).. But a lot of changes are coming and I feel like it's only a matter of time before I get physically injured.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    On the physical safety side you need to talk to your manager and see if you can be placed in a different role or if there's safeguards they can put in place.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Miss_Riot wrote: »
    On the physical safety side you need to talk to your manager and see if you can be placed in a different role or if there's safeguards they can put in place.
    Yeah... But I got moved to that team because I could literally not physically do the workload on the previous team (I was working 8:45 -7pm and through my breaks), so not sure if they can do it again. My team is desperately understaffed as it is and people don't wanna work on it because it's a high workload.

    I am gonna try anyway. Or at least see if I can get half a day in a different area. I have worked so hard to get functioning with my illness and finally feel "normal" outside of work. I don't want all that work undone by stress.
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