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Recovering Passion
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
I know I wrote here maybe five months ago... I wrote that in the past year I have had disabling depression and that I felt like I'd lost six months of my life and also lost most of my friends... My social situation has improved, but I still feel in a funny place right now and was wondering if anyone can empathise....
I'm in a job I really dislike. The work is monotonous, we sometimes get aggressive clients (I was threatened on Friday), we are unrecognised for anything and things are getting worse... I have applied for a Masters to get out of London (I am starting to hate it... too many people, too expensive, too impersonal) and I know I'll be leaving in August....
But the past year I've lost not only people in my life, but passion. I used to be very passionate, care a lot, but I spend my days in work clock watching and time outside work either dreading going back, or watching Netflix.
I find the gym helps and I've started helping at a community garden and growing my own food...But I just don't feel that spark anymore and I kinda wonder if it was part of the "highs" of bipolar and now I'm medicated, I am actually a very boring person...
More so, I don't feel I have anybody to talk to about anything not work or relationship based. I do most things alone and hardly talk to anyone outside of work, apart from maybe once a month socialising...
The only time I have felt a spark in the past year was exploring Amsterdam (alone). Everything else just bores me shitless... I kinda worry that I may still be bored and lifeless when I start uni again, but really, I want to feel something... Now...
Can anybody relate to this and does anybody know a way out?
I'm in a job I really dislike. The work is monotonous, we sometimes get aggressive clients (I was threatened on Friday), we are unrecognised for anything and things are getting worse... I have applied for a Masters to get out of London (I am starting to hate it... too many people, too expensive, too impersonal) and I know I'll be leaving in August....
But the past year I've lost not only people in my life, but passion. I used to be very passionate, care a lot, but I spend my days in work clock watching and time outside work either dreading going back, or watching Netflix.
I find the gym helps and I've started helping at a community garden and growing my own food...But I just don't feel that spark anymore and I kinda wonder if it was part of the "highs" of bipolar and now I'm medicated, I am actually a very boring person...
More so, I don't feel I have anybody to talk to about anything not work or relationship based. I do most things alone and hardly talk to anyone outside of work, apart from maybe once a month socialising...
The only time I have felt a spark in the past year was exploring Amsterdam (alone). Everything else just bores me shitless... I kinda worry that I may still be bored and lifeless when I start uni again, but really, I want to feel something... Now...
Can anybody relate to this and does anybody know a way out?
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I am dreading going back on Tuesday... I may ask to change teams as well. I can't deal wih screaming children and other people's anger issues any more.
I am sure my workplace is he very thing that nearly hospitalised me before and which triggered me to be bipolar.
I
Shit... sorry to hear of your hurt. Betrayal cuts so deep, it's as if they've taken time as well as hurt and betrayed. :-( Was it long ago?
I don't dislike socialising, but I have so few people in my life with similar interests. It's just a lot of my mates left London as well, or are really busy. That and we're all trying to save money.
You?
Let me know how you get on
I just don't feel safe... I don't want to go in to details as legally, I can't even criticise my departent online (they have been known to read work Emails and snoop on Facebook).. But a lot of changes are coming and I feel like it's only a matter of time before I get physically injured.
I am gonna try anyway. Or at least see if I can get half a day in a different area. I have worked so hard to get functioning with my illness and finally feel "normal" outside of work. I don't want all that work undone by stress.