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Difficult situation - not sure what to do
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
My mum has an abusive boyfriend who is very controlling towards her - and can occasionally get aggressive/violent towards her, me, and my younger siblings. I'm very worried about my family's safety, and was planning to collect evidence of what he's doing and report it. The only problem is that she wouldn't testify against him because she loves him and refuses to believe that what he's doing is wrong. So would I have a case?
The other problem is that she's threatened to tell the police about the time I hit her once, a while ago, if I try and do anything about her boyfriend. It was when he was round and was acting very angry and violent - I got worried and tried to call the police but my mum tried to take the phone off me and I freaked out and lashed out at her. I have problems with anxiety and felt threatened and scared, which is why I lost control.
I'm terrified that if she goes to the police about this I'll end up with a criminal record and it'll ruin my future, but at the same time I don't know if I can cope with her boyfriend anymore. It's making me feel almost suicidal, and I'm worried that I'll relapse into depression again, even though I'd been getting better. This whole situation is just too much to deal with, but I don't feel as though I can tell anyone because I'm worried about what she'd do.
The other problem is that she's threatened to tell the police about the time I hit her once, a while ago, if I try and do anything about her boyfriend. It was when he was round and was acting very angry and violent - I got worried and tried to call the police but my mum tried to take the phone off me and I freaked out and lashed out at her. I have problems with anxiety and felt threatened and scared, which is why I lost control.
I'm terrified that if she goes to the police about this I'll end up with a criminal record and it'll ruin my future, but at the same time I don't know if I can cope with her boyfriend anymore. It's making me feel almost suicidal, and I'm worried that I'll relapse into depression again, even though I'd been getting better. This whole situation is just too much to deal with, but I don't feel as though I can tell anyone because I'm worried about what she'd do.
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Comments
Firstly the police are very very very unlikely to give you a criminal record for hitting your mother - unless you hit her so hard she was seriously injured.
Secondly I think that you are really really brave, have you contacted any support groups in your local area for help?
Really sorry to hear about what you are going through at the moment. It must be distressing and upsetting. It's really brave of you to post about it here and to take some control of this scary situation. *hug*
You may find this article helpful about female victims of domestic violence.
There's some practical tips in that article, for example calling 999 or to report any injuries to the GP so there is a record. It might always be worth telling someone you trust about this; like another family member or a friend.
Your initial question was about having a case against your mum's boyfriend if your mum won't testify. I don't know the answer to this and might be a matter for a lawyer to advise you about; if that's the route you want pursue.
However, you can call Refuge who support women and children who are victims of domestic abuse. They would probably be able to answer your question, as well as give you support. Their number is 0808 2000 247 - this is a 24 hour phone line and is free to call.
Hope this helps.