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Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
My god I don't really know where to start, sooooo much has changed for me over the last few years but especially this last year, I'm in a relationship with a great guy,( relationships before we're all wrong) I have guardianship for a wonderful little girl(unable to have kids of my own) & I have a lovely home( lost my previous home due to moving in with total turd of an ex& then had to live with family) so why do I feel so lost? I feel terrible for feeling like this as I feel like I have it all but I feel so lonely. I have had an unsettled childhood & went onto self destruct through drink & alcohol for a while but pulled my head outta my backside & made a better life for myself but in the process I have had to rid myself of "friends" that chose to remain in that mindset. Everyone thinks that I'm strong & I know I am but because of this people wrongly assume that I'm fine but even when I'm not I say I am! I've spent so long being everyone else go to girl that there is nowhere for me to go. I'm sorry if this seems self pitying or rambling but I could do with letting of some steam x

Comments

  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I know exactly how you feel, I always used to be the person people came to for advice. I spent all my time thinking about their problems and trying to help them that I forgot to check in on my own life and see if I had any problems. The loneliness is just depression, like you're surrounded by people but nothing makes you feel like you any more so you feel alone. I find it hard to be 100% honest with people when talking about how I feel, and I protest that it doesn't help, but it does. It feels like such a weight has been lifted, even if it is only for a week or so. It'll get better, just stick with what you're doing now, don't lose that little girl or the great guy! You just have to wait it out. x
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Thanks for reply creeves x I really appreciate it. It's not that I don't think it helps to talk but the crazy way in which I was brought up was "that you don't chat your business" & tbh I was more of a "parent" than my mum & my older brother ever was. My mum used to drink & become violent so I just became used to "keeping quiet" I find it almost impossible to be honest about how I feel to others as I recognise being the strong one is my role if you like. X
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Hey Fannybygaslight :wave:

    Well done for posting here, it can be hard to put things into words sometimes can't it? It sounds like you've done an incredible job of turning your life around, despite a pretty rough childhood and some difficult times since. Don't underestimate the strength that can take and what an achievement it is.

    It's easy to beat ourselves up when we feel low even though we have good things in our life. It sounds like you really appreciate those good things, but they alone won't take away feelings of depression and deep-seated trauma from childhood.

    From reading your posts, it sounds like you feel the need to create the impression that everything is ok, but admitting that you're not doesn't make you weak or make you love your partner and child any less.

    Have you opened up to your partner at all? Maybe just admitting to someone else how you're feeling could help to unravel things a bit? Also, have you ever had any counselling? It could help you to start dealing with those things in your childhood.

    Big hugs to you, I hope that opening up here is a first step for you *hug*
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    maybe you'd benefit from some sort of counselling?

    Are you close to your partner? Do you have good communication with him?
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