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I'm going to go to bed at about 10 and if I can't sleep I'll call the Samaritans again, because my friends are being shit about the whole thing. I called my best friend the other night and he told me to go away because he was too tired.
My employer texted me today asking when I can return to France. I don't want to think about that either but I have to. I don't want to be so far away from home and the people I love, but the funeral might not be for another week or more, though if I were in France I'd definitely return for that.
It's natural to not know how you feel straight away when someone passes away. It's also natural for different people to have different reactions. It sounds like your Mum's approach would be to keep busy and get back to work asap but if you feel you need some more time then try to be honest with yourself about that.
Perhaps you could say to your employer that you should find out in the next few days when the funeral will be and then you can make a decision?
It's really positive that you've been talking to the Samaritans and it sounds like your sister was a good person to chat to for distraction as well as comfort.
Big hugs *hug*
I'm really not sad at all at the moment, which is kind of worrying me because I should be. I can't sleep though.
My godmother said she wanted me to be here, so I told my employer I wouldn't be back before sunday. I think I'm going to lose my job and flat, but I don't really care. It's more important that I be with her if she needs me, I can get another job but I can't get another family
A very good call, well done.
Grief takes many different forms and at its most profound can feel nothing like sadness at all. That doesn't mean you're heartless, or unaffected. This factsheet from Cruse is really good for the basics on how grief affects people. If Cruse exist in your area, you might find a phone call or face-to-face appointment helpful, too.
Just on this point - It's ok not to be sad...sometimes other feelings and emotions happen first. In my experience, I'm more sad now about my Dad's death than I was when it first happened a year ago.
I'm glad you're with your family for the time being...*hug*
Keep posting - you've got a good base of peers on here who will have some understanding of what this is like.
Funerals are never easy but they are kind-of necessary. It's such a cliche, but they do give you that opportunity to say goodbye, but also for the whole thing to sink in.
Often, when people have been ill we are so wrapped up in that that we don't have time to properly realise what's happening - our brains go into coping mode.
Then, there's that limbo stage in-between the person dying and the funeral when everyone is busy making arrangements and pushing their grief to the back of their minds.
Sometimes the funeral can be a bit of a relief as you're finally allowed to address your feelings. Just try to go with however you're feeling. There are no rules to grief - everyone does it differently and you have to do what's right for you.
As for the reading, try to do it for your godfather, no one else. Rehearse out loud on your own first and take deep breaths before you start. You can do it! Oh, and laughing is a very common reaction to death. It's because our minds don't know how to process such bad information (or situations) so they panic and do something inappropriate. Most people have laughed at really bad news at least once in their lives, so try not to dwell on that too much.
*hug*
Just wanted to see how you're doing? How did the funeral go and was your reading ok?
Hope you're ok
*hug*
It's only hit me within the last few days just how dead he is. I want to badly to ask him advice about what I'm doing with my life, because he's the only person that's always listened to me properly. But I can't, because he's dead.