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Feel like it was all my fault
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
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0
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
Comments
Was it a bad decision to get off your head? Yes, 100%.
Is someone taking advantage of you in that situation your fault? No, 100%.
No relation between the two.
Yeah agree with this.
You made a couple of bad decisions during the evening, but that doesn't give the bloke the right to do things to someone who is not fully aware of where they are/what they are doing. He's in the wrong...not you.
That said, I sadly agree with you that there's nothing you can really do about it except learn from it....and maybe let a few people know that he's a ****!
hope youre ok
It's definitely not your fault, I'd be tempted to say it's not his fault either. Like you say, you were both smashed - you stopped it before things went too far and I suspect you'd think different before doing the same thing again.
Hugs.
Have a shower, get over the hangover etc and put it down to experience.
You are entitled to a "dude, inappropriate!" but try not to dwell.
I didn't get any of that. And it turns out he's not gay - just camp hence the mistake.
As for what happened, it isn't your fault at all. I'd also agree that it probably isn't his either, it's human nature to try it on. Even more so when you're drunk and he's drunk and everyone is misreading the signals. Was he actually awake? I've been told I can be cuddly bordering on gropey when I'm fast asleep.
However, most important thing is that it wasn't your fault in any way.
Not saying that tehyll rape you or that it means youre asking for sex, but most people will be wondering whether youre expecting them to try it on, or whether its a come on, or basically theyll spend the evening in turmoil wondering what to do.
Obviously there are exceptions to the rule, but id suggest that its giving an unclear signal that you might be interested. If you do, then i suggest making it clear that you DONT want sex and that this is platonic. A gentleman would offer to sleep on the floor if he didnt think something sexual was appropriate.
I think with the increase in platonic friendships this line is often blurred, but i think its dodgy ground.
This isnt me saying that anything is "your fault" but i do think it was naive, which is different. There is nothing to be at fault for. he tried it on with you, you didnt want him to. It stopped. You both went to sleep
Im not going to tell you whether to report or otherwise because it is up to you. What I will say is the fact you considered the police shows you how far across the line you believed his behaviour was. Forget the myths - there is no grey area in rape or sexual assault. Only informed consent or not.
As for "dont get into bed with men you don't want to sleep with" that is a cr** piece of advice. It doesn't matter how you phrase it, you're still saying that women should expect sex because if they climb into bed with someone they are sending out "signals". Want to know what signals I send out when I get into bed with or without someone? "Sleep" Climbing into bed isnt an invitation to molest us in our sleep.
Ballerina, you're not stupid for trusting him to respect you and your boundaries and it certainly was not your fault.
Hugs if you want them