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Essential support for under 25s
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I'll just say that my limited second-hand "experience" with babies shows that the first couple of months are almost constant panic, and things calm down somewhat afterwards.
You may not see that so clearly at the moment, but as far as I can tell you're doing great.
The Health Visitor reckons it's colic so going to try some drops.
I didn't end up going to the breastfeeding group. Spent an hour trying to get him in the right position in the ergo carrier. His head kept lolling forward so his chin touched my chest even with the infant insert inside. He was pretty much wheezing and I adjusted and readjusted the straps constantly but still couldn't get it right. Disappointed cos I really wanted to go but was just too hot and bothered by the end of it and so was he.
He's three weeks tomorrow. We have a musical chair that vibrates. Not sure the name for it but he is reclined in it and much prefers it to his moses basket. But if he finds being on his back painful because of the colic I guess that makes sense.
I have a v-shaped pillow and he does seem to find being on his chest the comfiest- have also tried laying him on his tummy when he's lying across my knees and rubbing his back. Sometimes he likes that. I'm just so fretful about cot death etc.
Goodish news.. Had a bath with him this morning and it was lovely. Probably going to do that rather than use the fancy changing table/bath thing.
Thanks for the replies again.
Argh, I hate that! My normal response was to snarl 'yeah, well, it's MY back!' back at them.
Just a note about chest sleeping - be careful that they can't roll off you, cause colicky babies can be squirmy babies! With F I used to take the cushions off the back of the sofa and lie alongside, but tilted towards it, so he couldn't wriggle off in either direction, and there were no soft surfaces for him to get trapped against.
When they give you the bit on safe sleeping, you have to appreciate that a lot of people are idiots, so they probably go a bit too far the other way. If you are smart enough to see the dangers in stuff, do whatever you have to (safely, obv) to get a bit of kip.
Remember that early parenthood is less about rule books and doing things in certain ways. Its about your natural instincts as mama. You do have these instincts, and the panic comes in when we somehow feel that these arent good enough. We're just mammals, trying to rear even smaller mammals and we have quite a good survival and protective maternal instinct if we just listen to it. Its all about getting to know your little boy and him getting to know you, and tbh, as long as youre feeding him, feeding yourself, and keeping yourself and him reasonably warm, dry and clean, the rest is just details and will come later.
Babygroups - great if you can get there. If you cant, no worries. Housework - pah. Itll still be there later.
Colic is a variant of normal, and can be linked to having wind (hence the drops), but the baby is otherwise healthy (just very screamy!). They do grow out of it, and pretty fast.
Reflux is where the opening to their stomach is weak, and the stomach acid rises up their gullets. This is not normal, but is treatable. They also tend to grow out of it, but over a longer period. Refluxy babies puke a lot (F could notch up 5-6 pukes after every feed - generally at least one that was reasonably projectile), squirm, get the hiccups a lot, don't sleep or feed well, and can struggle to put on weight cause feeding hurts. If he screams and arches his back, especially after a feed (classic symptoms), ask your doctor about it. Superbaby had reflux but was a 'happy spitter', so we were covered in vom most of the time, but she was never bothered by it, we never treated her, and she grew out of it. F was miserable with it, and he's now on ranitidine which has made a huge difference.
So yeah, if it's colic, it's just a case of getting through it. If it's reflux, things can be done!
I'm to ring the health visitor on friday to update her on potential colic. Hopefully if it doesnt work she could pop over. Mehhhh.
SCC you're right i need to read less and just go by instinct. Confidence is growing but ever so sloooowly
First of all, massive congratulations on the birth of baby Baxter! It sounds like you're doing an amazing job so far - those first couple of months are a blur of tiredness, love, confusion and a huge reality check too! I remember thinking "this is it, there's no going back to my old life"!! And much as you don't want to, it's such a huge change that it's scary as hell.
Everyone else has said pretty much everything already, but I wanted to add that I think it's quite common to have a bit of a wobble around the time your partner finishes paternity leave. Like you said, you've had such amazing support while he's been off and you're in a bit of a bubble too. Then they go back and the reality - and enormity - of the situation hits you. But after a few weeks you'll be much more accustomed to everything. All those things (like sorting the sling out) that take forever to start with soon become second nature. I'm not saying everything becomes easy, but it does get a lot easier with time.
Also, it sounds like your partner is really busy working, so (like someone else suggested) it might be an idea to try and schedule some time in when he takes Baxter. Not only will it give you a well-needed rest it will also help them to bond.
My first had collicy symptoms and the first three months was hard work. At six weeks I decided to give myself a break and we started giving her one bottle at bedtime. It was a godsend - it gave me some time to relax at the end of the day and my boyfriend built such an amazing bond with her - I'm sure it had a lot to do with that. I'm not saying that you should do that (the supply/demand thing is definitely something to consider first), just that it is possible to combine feed as time goes on - I carried on BFing her until six months with one or two bottles a day combined.
Spanner
IMHO, the best thing any prospective or new parent can do is burn all those damned advice books. All of them. It's all based on theory and generalisms which just increase insecurity for all parents whose baby doesn't fit the "type". It's bollocks. There's no such thing as a perfect parent or perfect baby.
The only book which is any real use is one about childhood illnesses and even that should be kept on the top shelf.
My first two had colic. It's stressful. The biggest lesson I learned then is just how easy it can be for a parent to just "snap" one day and shake baby. Obviously we never got to that point but it gave me a much greater sympathy will those parents.
Being responsible for a new life is stressful, you will make mistakes. At times you won't really know what you are doing but you should (as SCC says) trust that gut instinct, it's rarely completely wrong and you *will* learn how *your* baby reacts.
Best advice I was given, that I actually listened to is to do the checklist when baby cries: Hungry, Windy, Dirty, Tired? Cross those off first and you'll find that you take care of most situations.
Oh and "making a rod for your own back"? It's true. You will. Meh.
Swathes and swells of Internet love to you and yours x x x.
thanks guys again
josh gets home at a reasonable time tonight so he's gonna take over for 3 hours ish.. armed with a bottle of formula milk and nappies! i'd rather express but i never express enough milk to satisfy him.. only managing one bottle so far. the things we do for sanity :razz:
not so sure if it is colic now because he didnt have an episode last night. does it have to follow a set pattern?
slartibartfest- following that checklist to a t! it's just when it's none of those things that shit gets scary :shocking:but it isn't happening very often.
scc that's kinda my mantra at the moment. im trying to keep things simple by telling myself he just needs to be fed, warm and clean. (as well as eye drops 3x a day. poor crusty eyed baby..) and i'm doing those things as well as learning to trust my instinct. i thought his bum looked a bit red so applied a thin layer of sudocrem, whereas before i would be googling the crap out of nappy rash. it's a big step for me but i'm getting there
When Josh gets back and has him for a few hours, I would do best to give baby a boob feed then hand over without formula. See if Josh can keep him entertained, or jigged to sleep by a walk in a pram, or drive in a car seat. Then feed him again if he wants it after you've had your three hour nap/break.
Even the specially designed teats are different enough from boob to maybe cause problems by introducing mixed feeds before the breast has been established.
Check but,even if he's hungry the whole three hours away from you he shouldn't come to any harm, and if he gets too distressed, Josh can always bring him to you.
My thinking behind this plan is that you and your boobs get a rest,the baby doesn't get used to easier flowing formula, and after a few hours apart his nuzzle scent and cry as you put him back to the breast will trigger a strong milk let down, and a successful sustaining feed from a refreshed mother.
It has been a very long time since I did any of this so there may well be a better accepted modelgoing around at the moment- disclaimer. Oh, and only do what you want to do, no matter who is trying to give you 'helpful' advice!:D
Tell me about it. Been there, worn the puke covered T-Shirt and got the grey hair to prove it. No-one said that being a new parent is easy, but it really is so rewarding IME
That's what we used to do. My husband would keep baby downstairs from something like 10pm-1am or 11pm-2am and just rock him back to sleep in the pram while I slept, and then bring him up to me after 3 hours when he was hungry.
We found that it was difficult for me to settle baby on my own because with me he always wanted to feed and did not want to be put down away from the boob, but with my husband he was content to be cuddled and then put down because obvs there were no boobs involved. Josh may find that he can settle him ok.
Also, if baby is away from you for 3 hours and then fed, he will hopefully feed properly rather than snacking. I am certainly not one to talk about this, my 5 month old is the king of snacking and I am just now starting to teach him that he CAN last a bit longer!
Those ideas are good but at the moment he is barely going an hour without wanting another boob feed. I really would like to stick to breastfeeding ideally but if I didn't give Josh the formula there is no way I could get 2 or 3 hours sleep uninterrupted. But at the same time I can imagine this might be confusing for Baxter. I feel like we've established latching etc so not too worried about that but it's really obvious he doesn't like the formula milk. He chugs away at it, spills it all down himself and then shrieks.
Suggested wearing the sling to Josh this morning but he was pretty grouchy :P. Will try again tonight. We just need some strategies in place.
SCC - I call him Bax too
we have some swaddle blankets but i still need to practice folding. josh is the expert of swaddle!
agree that fresh air is great for babies and children but i don't think i'll be leaving him outside in the cold just yet
its his baby too! Hes also got to learn to run on less sleep
Bit of a weird question but do you folk know when breast milk stops leaking everywhere? I'm using breast pads but at night it just leaks through the pad because it moves and also soaks the nursing bra. Bit trivial in the scheme of things but it's a pain in the arse.
saw this and thought of you.
A lot of people are beginning to think that we should actually count babys first 3 months as kind of the 4th trimester, as they still need to be so close to you and dont really have any concept of independence or being alone or waiting till youre less busy to be fed.
Those things arent things that you necessarily need to actually teach them or train into them. They just just need them less and less in their own time
that was a really lovely article and makes a lot of sense
he's also getting frustrated when feeding (maybe his tongue tie.. maybe colic..) and detaches himself, flails about and screams. i'm burping him a lot and he calms down but then starts again. boo.
taking him to get his tongue tie sorted tomorrow, poor little chap. i'm hoping all of the stress and frustration he's going through is due to the tongue tie and it resolves. hate seeing him so upset. i'm just so shattered.
the good news is he likes the baby carrier so i waddled around the house for half an hour with him in it asleep. gave me a little break.
Hope the tongue thing tomorrow makes him (and the rest of you as a result) feel better.