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I give up
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
I would happily give up on life right about now. My store manager hates me and I don't blame him. Think he wants me to leave. My degree is down the drain along with the £1000s it cost. No career plan. No direction. Friends who have disappeared, not that I can blame them either. I'm done now. I've had it. I actually cannot live like this anymore and I know the reasons in this post are pathetic reasons but they aren't everything. Some things I just can't explain.
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I am sorry to hear how things are going with you, you can talk to me anytime. My PM box is always there.
Don't give up on life, you are amazing and you WILL get through this. Do you have anything you can do as a distraction from your feelings?
Find something to focus on to keep you going, I am totally feeling the same, I want to give up, but I can't cos I can't do that to my little sister and nephew, they need me to be around for when they are growing up. I have to be strong, you can be strong too.
The reasons in your posts are not pathetic at all, your expressing yourself which is good. I often think my posts are stupid and not worth writing but they are, cos the people on here are a community and they have helped me so much, you have helped me so much too. Hold on to that. Nothing you say is pathetic I promise you.
Degree is not completely down the drain. The best of us take slightly longer than planned to get degrees.
http://utterlycray.blogspot.co.uk/
I hope things get better and start to seem less pointless.
I'm sorry to hear about your recent set-backs - I know it was a shock when you didn't get what you needed for your last unit and it's understandable that you feel like you've let yourself down. It's positive to see you are considering a break though - the positive impact of such a decision shouldn't be underestimated. Sometimes when there are extenuating circumstances in our lives we convince ourselves that we can manage a range of tasks with different pressures because it feels like they are positive distractions - and we want to feel fully capable and purposeful. If those things just keep ticking over, then everything can be normal, right?
In reality, the strain of everything does tend to catch-up meaning that we start to lose the ability to make effective judgements in relation to what we realistically have the mental capacity for. This doesn't mean that we suddenly become less intelligent or capable, it just means we need to give ourselves the space for healing and taking care of ourselves before we can get back to working at our full potential.
Does this make sense?
As Scary says, try not to see these set-backs as the end of the line - they are bumps on a trail that will start to go upwards again because you are have shown yourself to be so determined.
How are you feeling today? Remember you can always free your thoughts here, no matter what. *hug*
Things just kind of felt like they came to crunch point last night after a shocking week and it felt like no-one understood.
Helen - :yes: it does make perfect sense and was a justification in my own mind of why I made the decision to take a break.
I'm a little up and down because I feel like only 13 months ago my life was perfect and I was where I wanted to be; yet, within a week I lost both my potential career path and my Dad and since then it has felt like one massive spiral downwards and I feel a little out of control if I'm honest.
Hey again,
This is really sad and tough because what the last 13 months probably means is that the illusion of a perfect life has been shattered - rather than that it existed in the first place. It felt perfect because you perhaps thought that the direction of things was within your control and OK and you felt you were where you wanted to be. Perhaps really - through no fault of your own, you were unable to grasp a true insight into where things were at in relation to your family situation and maybe a few other things?
What tends to happen when you experience such a profound loss is that you are catapulted into reality with such an extreme force that you are forced to 'grow-up' to the extent that any possibility for seeing things from a normal and protected perspective are (at least temporarily) lost. The counter to this is actually, that with fuller knowledge does come more control. You get to dictate your reality now because you have so much more insight into your true reality and what you can do for yourself to build a new foundation that means there is hope and there is strength and there is life.
I feel really, really sad typing this because it's such a difficult circumstance to come to terms with. Growing up and facing a new truth is heartbreaking.
You CAN do it though - we all have faith in you, we're all behind you and we all can see as I said before that you think hard and you work hard - these things are really important. *hug*
I've noticed it in a fair few of the people I know recently. In 15-35 year olds (and yes, the range is I think actually that wide) you get a split. Those who've been forced to realise that actually there are major aspects of the world that are truly shit; and those who've had the fortune to never really have to deal with any of that.
I can think of two things that really forced me into growing up - and a grown up realisation that actually, not everything is ok in the end. Neither were fun experiences, and the 'scars' from both of those will always be with me. But I've definitely learnt from them. My outlook on pretty much everything has changed as a result - but not in an entirely negative way.
I can relate to what I think Helen is saying. Since I got forced to grow up, I've made far more choices. Life used to tick along, in the grass is green and follow the yellow brick road mode. There was a well trodden standard path to Oz, I was on it and I never questioned it. The version I'm on now is more like an OS map, that I've never seen before, and that all the place names have been deleted off. Far less simple, but so much more rewarding.
You can get through this. How you've managed everything so far makes me really confident in saying that. Give yourself a break, let yourself catch your breath, and give yourself a shot at just being you for a little bit. It can seem easier to keep going when you're constantly busy - and there will likely be some low patches as the true reality sinks in, but you can start building a new life for yourself again. And I mean new life, not rebuilding your old one. There's no going back, but there's plenty of going forward.
I hope for your sake that getting there doesn't involve a weekend on your own in an empty flat, in a city you've only just moved to, curled up on the sofa in a blanket while a storm rages outside, in a mixture of misery and fear. Been there, done that, and it wasn't fun - but looking back that was probably when my new grown up life actually started.
Hugs.
:yes: thanks for this additional illustration of my babblings! I love your use of metaphor.
I'll also echo what Helen and Scary have said far more eloquently than I could today
In terms of what I called my "Perfect Life" ... I know that life is never perfect...maybe I used the wrong phrase. I worked extremely hard to get to a point where I was in a job I loved, working towards a degree that would support my career and I was genuinely happy with the social aspects to my life. You could say I reached a point where I never remembered being happier and to me success is based on happiness...not job title, material things, etc. In terms of the loss of career plan - it literally came out of nowhere and even the management directly impacted as a result had no more warning than I had, had. In terms of family - hindsight is a wonderful thing and I wish I knew then what I know now. I guess I wasn't as grown up then as I am now but I got where I was through pure dedication and hard work.
I've spoken to uni this evening and it has left me feeling totally confused and even more overwhelmed. I feel like I'm trapped and I don't know how to get out of the situation I'm now in.
In terms of staying busy - it's what I do best - I know I have to deal with whats happened but staying busy means I have a focus - a reason to keep going. Never have I ever felt this stressed out...I've been put under a lot of pressure before but this is different...I already feel like I'm on the verge of cracking. I feel like I'm being pulled in ten different directions with everyone needing me for something.
I really am struggling to keep going - with everyone demanding something from me - I just can't do it anymore.
Go back to your doctors and well - I found bursting into tears on them really helped!