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Suicidal feelings
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
I've been really depressed for agers and 2 days ago tried to kill myself 
it didn't work and i woke up the next day feeling ill and horrible. I went to see me counsellor then and talked about it, but i still feel so bad. I tried to do it again tonight and i dunno what to do i just don't want to be here and it feels like me only escape I dunno what to do. If i tell me counsellor i tried it again she will refer me to hospital and i don't want that, i can't admit to everyone im not okay, but i feel at the end of it now. I dunno what to do ><
it didn't work and i woke up the next day feeling ill and horrible. I went to see me counsellor then and talked about it, but i still feel so bad. I tried to do it again tonight and i dunno what to do i just don't want to be here and it feels like me only escape I dunno what to do. If i tell me counsellor i tried it again she will refer me to hospital and i don't want that, i can't admit to everyone im not okay, but i feel at the end of it now. I dunno what to do >< 0
Comments
Big hugs to you... so, so sorry to read how low you are *hug*
Telling your counsellor was really brave, it must be hard to talk about. What did they say? Did they help you with ideas of how to cope if you do feel suicidal again?
I know it's scary thinking about hospital, but if you're repeatedly having suicidal thoughts then you need to try and get as much help as possible to deal with them. It doesn't sound like the counselling is helping as much as it should be - of course hospital is a last resort, but if you've attempted suicide twice in one week then maybe it's time to accept that it could be what you need?
And, of course (as I'm sure you're aware) there's always the option to call, text or email Samaritans to talk things through when you're feeling this way. Tel: 08457 90 90 90
Let us know how you're doing today
I just don't feel like i can go to hospital, but it scares me i have to give someone me pills to stop me taking them
Worried about the weekend cos i will be alone till monday at least now and its harder to stop myself when im alone ><.
I just want to reflect on what Spanner says that even though it is a scary option that maybe the hospital can help you in some way of getting the right support that you will feel comfortable with. Maybe you can ask more questions and research more of how a social worker can help you and express how it worries you?
We are here for you and here to support you so you are not alone over the weekend *hug*
Please keep talking to us on your thread and let us know how you are
purple_rain
These days seem so long and lonely. Don't see the point no more..
I've been there a couple of times, and probably more so for overdosing. They're non-judgemental and really understand if you give them the time of day. I remember being taken in to hosp when I was 15, and I had a nurse sit with me for around an hour.
It does seem scary at the time, you don't know what will happen or what they're thinking, but they're there to help, not judge.
If you're talking about psychiatrist wards, they're not as bad as everyone makes out for them to be, although I was only in more half the day and overnight, it's basically the same as a hospital, part from you'll always have someone watching you, and you're free to talk to them whenever you want.
If you did go to hospital, for whatever reason, they may ask if you want to talk to someone on the crisis them (if you have them in Jersey). It's nothing to overwhelm yourself with, they just want you to feel as comfortable as you can.
Being honest with your counsellor can get you through this, telling her you feel suicidal will help a lot. I open up to my CAMHS worker about everything, I told her last week I have more pills and if anything happens I'm going. But she understood why I did, and didn't phone anyone for the sake I told her we won't be friends
If you're honest with your counsellor and engage with her, she will be able to help you. If you sit there expecting everything to get better by not saying anything, it won't, and she won't be able to help.
I'd really urge you to tell her exactly how you're feeling if you can, I know it will help you.
''Turn your fears into faith'' <- you can do it.
I told her everything and gave her the pills i had on me, which at the time helps a bit i guess, but then i leave and go back to it and am alone for such a long time and its too much.
All i want is something like a friend who will talk to me or just be a normal friend don't want someone who will use me or hit me. Feel so alone ><
Really sorry to hear things haven't improved *hug*
What did your counsellor advise you when you spoke? Do you have any coping strategies or have you tried calling any of the helplines?
Please don't feel you're alone in this everyone here wants to help you,
dp