If you need urgent support, call 999 or go to your nearest A&E. To contact our Crisis Messenger (open 24/7) text THEMIX to 85258.
Options
All time low, mentions self-harm
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
Since last week I've been feeling pretty rough, I've been phoning Becki and telling her my mood has be dropping, all the way down to a two, and for her anything below three is the 'warning zone'.
I went and tried to do good (feel free to delete the thread) which resulted in me slamming the door, and being searched for by the police. After they found me, I told them I was heading home, that I didn't want anything to do with them, and that I just wanted to go home. Clearly my mood was a three around then. They took me back to the flat, and I had already told myself I'd self-harm. So that's what I did as soon as I walked in through my door.
About an hour later, the police turned back up from someone overeating and calling them. After opening my door, and telling them I'm fine when they clearly saw I wasn't... they took me to the interview room. They asked me if I had previous attempts of suicide, being in a shit mood I was like yep. Then he asked if I would have attempted that night. I was like yeah, but I gave all my stuff to my worker. He clearly didn't take that as an answer and then went on saying ''if you had pills in your room, or anything would you have taken them?'' I said yeah, and then I got given two options.
Either go and talk to someone at hospital, or spend the night in a police cell, cos he wasn't letting me stay on my own. I told him I'd rather go in a police cell cos I've never been in one. He sighed. I agreed to go to the hospital, never thought I'd meet paramedics that where more hyper then tigger.
After been checked out and everything, I walked back home and apologised as much as I could to the woman that was on shift, she's actually amazing. She phoned me earlier asking if I'm okay, as she hasn't seen me all day, told her I was, as you do.
I've realised everything has just got worst, and I know it will keep getting worst. I don't even know how to tell Becki anything that happened without having a ''piss off and leave me alone'' moment. I know if I keep carrying on like this, I'm more than likely going to end up sectioned again. I'm just lost. Isolated. I have no one, and with everything going on, I couldn't careless if I didn't wake up tomorrow, even though I wouldn't know anyway.
Sorry, blabbed.
I went and tried to do good (feel free to delete the thread) which resulted in me slamming the door, and being searched for by the police. After they found me, I told them I was heading home, that I didn't want anything to do with them, and that I just wanted to go home. Clearly my mood was a three around then. They took me back to the flat, and I had already told myself I'd self-harm. So that's what I did as soon as I walked in through my door.
About an hour later, the police turned back up from someone overeating and calling them. After opening my door, and telling them I'm fine when they clearly saw I wasn't... they took me to the interview room. They asked me if I had previous attempts of suicide, being in a shit mood I was like yep. Then he asked if I would have attempted that night. I was like yeah, but I gave all my stuff to my worker. He clearly didn't take that as an answer and then went on saying ''if you had pills in your room, or anything would you have taken them?'' I said yeah, and then I got given two options.
Either go and talk to someone at hospital, or spend the night in a police cell, cos he wasn't letting me stay on my own. I told him I'd rather go in a police cell cos I've never been in one. He sighed. I agreed to go to the hospital, never thought I'd meet paramedics that where more hyper then tigger.
After been checked out and everything, I walked back home and apologised as much as I could to the woman that was on shift, she's actually amazing. She phoned me earlier asking if I'm okay, as she hasn't seen me all day, told her I was, as you do.
I've realised everything has just got worst, and I know it will keep getting worst. I don't even know how to tell Becki anything that happened without having a ''piss off and leave me alone'' moment. I know if I keep carrying on like this, I'm more than likely going to end up sectioned again. I'm just lost. Isolated. I have no one, and with everything going on, I couldn't careless if I didn't wake up tomorrow, even though I wouldn't know anyway.
Sorry, blabbed.
0
Comments
How are things for you today? It sounds like you've had a pretty tough time lately, I'm so sorry that things have taken such a dive *hug*
I'm a bit confused about some of what you say above - do you live in supported housing? Or is the 'women who was on shift' that you mentioned at the hospital? I'm only asking because if she's someone you could have more regular contact with, it might be good as she obviously helped you a lot.
Have you spoken to Becki about what happened yet? I know it's hard dragging it all up but it is her job to help you through these things, especially if you're worried about being sectioned. She'll know how to help you put some support mechanisms in place to try and prevent this from happening.
Big hugs to you, really hope you're getting some more support today.
Spanner
I'm in emergency accommodation until I've been accepted for supported housing (I'm on a waiting list) The woman was here, and she was last night, but I still couldn't get myself to go and talk to her -.-
Not yet, I see her on Wednesday, I honestly don't know what to even tell her. She knows I've been keeping a lot quiet, and I guess it just all exploded out.
Big hugs back.