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Clingy boyfriend
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
Hey
I've been seeing this guy who i care alot about. We both have our own issues and thats fine. I tried to make it clear that he has to wait for sex as for reasons i'm not gonna jump into bed with him. Hes really sweet but is texting/calling slightly obsessively- wanting to see me all the time. It's really annoying.
Am i being harsh? I do really like him but i would like things to be less intense 'cos i can't handle the clinginess.
I'm not sure what to do....Advice please!!
I've been seeing this guy who i care alot about. We both have our own issues and thats fine. I tried to make it clear that he has to wait for sex as for reasons i'm not gonna jump into bed with him. Hes really sweet but is texting/calling slightly obsessively- wanting to see me all the time. It's really annoying.
Am i being harsh? I do really like him but i would like things to be less intense 'cos i can't handle the clinginess.
I'm not sure what to do....Advice please!!
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Comments
Hmm, I'm rubbish at relationships. How often is 'all the time'? How long have you been seeing him?
We've been together bout 3 months but inbetween that we had a break.
Do i look like a dickhead right now?
So what do i say?
You do need to be honest with him. Work out whether you actually want to be with him?
i think the point is that if he is texting you four times a day and you are replying each time so you're having a text chat then that's perfectly normal and nice and not really clingy, but if it's a case of him texting your four times a day asking to come round after you've said no, or a constant 'what are you up to?' then for me that would be too much. i think everyone has their own idea of what is clingy. early on in a relationship texting each other fifty times a day might seem fine but later on it might seem a bit over the top. i would just have a chat with him about it and explain that you feel crowded, if he really is being too clingy then he should be able to accept that and calm down a bit.
This. That's how it is.
if it was a different guy, but he was equally as clingy, would it be different? (is it the clinginess that is the problem or the guy himself?)
I went out with a guy who after a month or so started the whole "hey, how are you? how has your day been?" every single blooming day. Guaranteed when I turned my phone on after work the message would be there. And the whole "what are you doing tonight?".... me: "chilling with my housemates"... him "oh well can I come round? I miss you"... me: "you saw me yesterday and we are seeing each other tomorrow... I'd like the evening to just hang with my housemates."... etc etc
I can't stand clingyness. Like seriously, he came around to my house once and I went upstairs to get my phone saying I would be back down in 2 seconds... just need to get my phone, and turned round and he had followed like a little dog.
Despite me saying I have a fierce independent streak and like my own space, and that I dislike texts always saying "hi, how has your day been?" he never did get the message and along with other stuff, it got too much and we lasted only a few more months.
I think it is worth saying that you are not a fan of the clingyness, in case he is doing it as he thinks you'll appreciate all the affection... and if he doesn't get the hint maybe reconsider if you can be with him without it driving you mad!
:yes: Completely how it is. I wanna say, can't i have a fucking bath in peace?! Shall i just drop my phone out the window?!
I'm not sure right now and thats got me worried.
Like AR said though, are you getting stick for not texting back? I went out with a guy recently who was sooo clingy, texting me soon as I got up at 5.30, telling me he loved me after 2 weeks, then the first time I didn't text back for more 12 hours I get called a cunt.
I think keep going with him, and let him know how bad he is being, maybe he doesn't realise?
:chin:
Hey BB,
it sounds like it's still early days for you guys and it can take a while for couples to meet in the middle when it comes to communication style - whether it be texts, calls, emails, Facebook - the whole she-bang! Finding a balance is tricky for lots of people.
While the niggling feeling you're experiencing has led to a questioning of the relationship - and you say you're now feeling a little worried - try not to let it cloud your perception of the bigger picture. If as you say he's lovely and you are getting on when you see each other face-to-face, then there may be some techniques you can try to bring you closer to the same page when it comes to these text interactions. Do you feel as if it's worth trying that?
You asked earlier on: "What do I say?"
You may want to write some things down in this thread to try them out and get some feedback? Sometimes it's easy for conversations where you are challenging the way someone is to be either negative (the person ends up feeling more criticised than you intended) or too positive (the person doesn't take the request seriously)
Consider what you'd like to happen in an ideal scenario and then we can help you to come up with some words/an approach that could help?
You may find it helps to revisit our communication as a couple article too -
http://thesite.org/sexandrelationships/couples/lifeasacouple/communicatingasacouple
Keep us posted on how you're feeling
:yes: this.
Advice?
Are you able to get anyone else to be with him. Youre not obliged to be in a relationship with someone, and if youve both got MH problems it can be really hard
I think you've made your mind up but you need to do it gently. I'd agree with randomgirl, if he is hospital already then now is probably a good time to do it. He won't like it, it may well make him worse, but he's in a safe place and that's as far as your obligation towards him goes.
Yes preferably face-to-face.