Home› Sex & Relationships
If you need urgent support, call 999 or go to your nearest A&E. To contact our Crisis Messenger (open 24/7) text THEMIX to 85258.
Options

Is he mentally ill or just a d*ck?

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
in Sex & Relationships
I didn't know whether to put this here or in sex and relationships, so please feel free to move it mods :)

Basically, if been with this guy a couple of weeks. I've known him for 4 years, and always kinda fancied him, so when I split up with my boyfriend of a year me and this guy (let's call him B) started to get closer.

Anyway... I've always known he has quite bad anxiety and is often very socially awkward. When we first started high school he was a really quiet shy kid. He looked quite "emo" and never really spoke much.

When we got to the end of year 9 he stopped coming into school, recently he's told me it's because he doesn't like the rules/being told what to do, but his friends have told me it's because he got bullied and was too scared to speak up about it. Since he left in year 9 I only saw him a couple of times throughout the next year, and it's only really since September we've been getting close again.

As we've got closer I've noticed he lies, a lot. Nearly everything he says is a lie, and even when I know it's a lie- and he know's I know it's a lie- he'll still lie to me. I've confronted him about it a couple of times, and he says he doesn't know why he does it and it's just "a habit".

Another problem he has is he gets very paranoid. We do some drugs, but I don't think the paranoia is caused by them although they probably make it worse. He's told me before it's got to the point where he'll be in his room, and he'll hear people outside and think they're talking about him, or plotting to hurt him.

He's not the nicest person to be around any more, the lies really hurt me, and recently he's started ignoring me for hours for no reason at all, and then talking to me again like the ignoring hadn't happened. He's also a "skinhead" now, there's a whole group of them in my town, and he goes around being really... dickish... with his skinhead friends. But he's admitted to me before that isn't how he really is, and I think he just gets caught up in it all.

He says things without thinking all the time, like racist comments etc, and as soon as I question him on them he realises that he's being a total dick.

Now... Is he ill? Or is just being a typical idiot 16 year old? It's things like the paranoia and anxiety, pretending to be someone he's not that make me think he's ill... but then I look at the lies, and broken promises, and think maybe he's just being an idiot? :confused:

Comments

  • Options
    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I'd add severe self-esteem issues to the off the cuff analysis, and say while he's not ill he's not doing it on purpose.

    I'd also say you probably need to back away, even though that's not in your nature.
  • Options
    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    This might sound a bit harsh, but it sounds more like he's a bit of a dick rather than ill, and I think your trying to make excuses for it by saying 'oh well he's got x, y, z so it's not his fault he's like that'. I'd steer clear if I were you, he sounds like too much of an asshole to be bothered with
  • Options
    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Just spoken to him on the phone, and I said "You're just playing mind games and trying to fuck with my head aren't you?" and he said "yea whatever"

    Another failed relationship, well done me
  • Options
    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Yes! well done you for spotting it, and acting on it.

    I'm sorry it happened, better luck with the next one
  • Options
    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Carriage Return wrote: »
    Yes! well done you for spotting it, and acting on it.

    The thing is though I wont... this will carry on for months, I know it will. I don't want to end it, I don't want to be alone. I don't cope well alone :(
  • Options
    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Broken-Angel wrote: »
    I don't want to end it, I don't want to be alone. I don't cope well alone :(

    I hope someone has ideas for this.
  • Options
    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Just a dick - but I'd be worried the paranoia being an early sign of a mental illness which the drug taking might just set off at a later date. Most 16 year old boys are dicks though, don't waste your time. And being alone is far better than putting up with someone elses shit for the sake of not being on your own. You're a strong girl - why would you need a dickweed like that to lean on? And I think I've said this before but you're WAY too young to get caught up in boys and messy relationships. It's really not worth the grief.
  • Options
    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    What ballerina said. You don't need to be with someone, and you certainly don't need to be with someone who will ultimately make you feel worse about yourself. Also, try not to see it as a 'tally' and 'another failed relationship', it's not a race or a competition, and you're way too young to get involved in all that mess, I feel like I am and I'm nearly 23 xx
  • Options
    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Agree with what others have said.

    I was with someone for over a year who I still dont know was into either mind games or just very. very ill. He said he heard voices too and accused people of conspiring against him. Either way he was just very troubled. I think this may be the same with the guy you are talking about.

    Even if he is troubled, he doesn't sound like the type of person who is ready emotionally to confront it yet. He's lucky to have a supportive girlfriend and doesn't know it and in all honesty, probably wont know it until years later. None of this is your fault and it really does sound like you can do better.
  • Options
    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Lexi99 wrote: »
    What ballerina said. You don't need to be with someone, and you certainly don't need to be with someone who will ultimately make you feel worse about yourself. Also, try not to see it as a 'tally' and 'another failed relationship', it's not a race or a competition, and you're way too young to get involved in all that mess, I feel like I am and I'm nearly 23 xx
    Aye - it's not a race. I'm 23 and have only ever had 1 decent relationship. Friends are starting to get mortgages and settle down and get engaged and I still think I'm too young for all that lark. I was terrified of being on my own when my first bf left me, especially as we got together when I was going through a tough time and battling depression and anxiety. He was my rock and suddenly he was gone and I had my final A level exams looming. I really didn't think I could do it without him and was convinced I'd mess up and not get into uni - but I did and even did better than anyone predicted. I also passed my driving test and got a job in the following months. It's amazing what you can do when you realise it's only you that can do these things and no one else.
    Girl power and all that!
  • Options
    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    a dick is a dick, even if theyre a mentally ill dick. Youre not obliged to babysit someone while they sort out their issues that they dont even know theyve got. Hes acting in a really strange way and I cant see how you can have a relationship with someone who lies so much. How can you have any trust.
    Dont make the mistake of being too forgiving of the guy just because youre still feeling bad about the last one. Too easy to do
  • Options
    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Being a dick and being mentally ill are not mutually exclusive. I work with enough people who are dicks who also happen to have mental health issues as well.
  • Options
    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    There are two types of people in this world. Those that know theyve got issues to sort out, and those that dont.
  • Options
    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    sounds like a lost boy struggling to define his identity, didn't like and couldn't admit to bullying as an emo so he's constructed a hardman persona as a 'skinhead'. a dick he may be, but at least let him know that look went out of style about '83.
  • Options
    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    SuzyCreamcheese wrote: »
    There are two types of people in this world. Those that know theyve got issues to sort out, and those that dont.


    This! Doesn't matter of the background but if someone is behaving like a dick, he either chooses to sort it or not. If he's a not right now, there is nothing you can do.
  • Options
    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Well I saw him yesterday... I don't know what to think. He was really lovely. When we're alone he's really lovely.
    I don't even know what else to say really... I know I should leave him, I know he's no good for me, but yea :( Sorry for posting!
  • Options
    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    He's taken a shit ton of acid, even though he promised he wouldn't. I've told his mum. This drug thing is getting out of hand now.
    Also, I split up with him. Can't decide whether to get my dog to piss on his clothes of mail them back to him in tiny little cut up pieces...
  • Options
    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I see so much of myself when i was 16 to be like this..
    People really don't understand how being bullied really does fuck up your head, and you expect everyone to bully you be a cunt etc.
    Doesn't mean you have to put up with it though.
    When he finds his place, he'll get confidence and settle down.
  • Options
    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Shikari wrote: »
    I see so much of myself when i was 16 to be like this..
    People really don't understand how being bullied really does fuck up your head, and you expect everyone to bully you be a cunt etc.
    Doesn't mean you have to put up with it though.
    When he finds his place, he'll get confidence and settle down.

    I spoke to him about the bullying thing, and he told me he was never bullied he just hates school and he said he was bullied to get out of going.
  • Options
    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Broken-Angel wrote: »
    I spoke to him about the bullying thing, and he told me he was never bullied he just hates school and he said he was bullied to get out of going.

    so pretty much just a loser then?
Sign In or Register to comment.