If you need urgent support, call 999 or go to your nearest A&E. To contact our Crisis Messenger (open 24/7) text THEMIX to 85258.
Options
Internet dating
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
Hi,
Just wondered if anyone has done this and how did you find it ?
A couple of questions :
Thinking of using either e harmony or match, but not sure if one is better to use than the other or if they are much of a muchness.
Also when sending messages what is likely to be the best approach ?
For example should you say send a friendly 'hi, how are you?' or is it generally better to comment on their profile and things that you have in common ?
I've never really tried internet dating, but think it's worth a shot as I don't meet that many young singletons.
Just looking for advice/thoughts on how to go about the world of internet dating.
Thanks
Just wondered if anyone has done this and how did you find it ?
A couple of questions :
Thinking of using either e harmony or match, but not sure if one is better to use than the other or if they are much of a muchness.
Also when sending messages what is likely to be the best approach ?
For example should you say send a friendly 'hi, how are you?' or is it generally better to comment on their profile and things that you have in common ?
I've never really tried internet dating, but think it's worth a shot as I don't meet that many young singletons.
Just looking for advice/thoughts on how to go about the world of internet dating.
Thanks
0
Comments
Don't bother with paid services. Okcupid and plentyoffish will be perfectly adequate.
I'll try and get some more down in the next few days. In the meantime I'm sure I've rubbed off on this lot enough to start you off
I tried it, as I found it hard to meet people with similar interests to me... My experience is most of the people I met lied about their age, intension, hobbies, or were just plain needy.
One I kept in touch with on a friends basis, as she's cool... But no idea why she changes her age a lot.
That said, is it any different to meeting somebody at a bar? Everybody wants to impress, some wish to inspire, some wish to manipulate or are lonely.
I don't know if I'm up for trying internet dating again, but if I moved cities, I may try it for friends and/or to get advice on cool places to hang out.
I'll get some tissues.
Wait for me!
Sent from my whyayePad using Tapatalk
they await in hope of Julian Grey gracing their inbox perhaps? lol
I just thought it might be a way of meeting someone. I don't think I've met that many young women in social activities I've engaged in during the last few years and when I have met someone I like the look of they always seem to have a boyfriend.
I do go out to bars occasionally, but so far I've not had much confidence in going up to women - I just thought this might be slightly easier than that approach, but I don't know.
I think if you go into it hoping to get out of the house for an evening you'll be fine. Anything else is a bonus. That's the only healthy way of looking at dating.
Generally you need to show your best qualities: kindness, empathy and humour. You need to be cheeky.
Thanks for the replies. I definitely got the impression that the girls on these sites would get a lot of messages. I'm signed up on OK cupid and Plenty of Fish, but not sent that many messages, but 0 replies to the ones I've sent.
So with internet dating I guess you just have to have very low expectations if the girls are receiving a hell of a lot of messages.
Would you say speed dating is a better way to go than internet dating or the other way around ?
I decided to put a line at the end of my profile saying that if they got that far then then to put the name of their favourite animal in the title so I'd know they'd actually bothered to read it. It certainly made sifting through the time wasters easier. I did have one or two dates but I began to notice a pattern that I seemed to be a rebound/tester date for guys that thought they were over their ex but decided to go on a few dates to check that they actually were (and it always turns out they're not) or just plain wanted to get laid but tricked me into thinking other wise. I've never used a paid site however as I can't justify spending the money, maybe they're a bit better. But generally I found if you're my age (early 20s) then it's mostly a waste of time if you're after more than sex. But that's just my experience, I haven't bothered with it for over a year and a half now as I found I didn't have the patience to sift through the bullshitters and time wasters. I think the experience varies greatly depending on your age and gender though.
For some reason, I mostly get matched to bicurious women with boyfriends or PHD educated bondage freaks... The latter appeals more.
I've had two long term relationships off okcupid, and although its a bit brutal I still think its worth it!
However I've found in my personal experience that I'm sending far less messages using OKcupid than on any other site in the past. You could spend all day playing the odds and hoping that you get messages back with sending out loads yourself. I'd suggest putting in quite a lot of effort into crafting or sculpting of messages, take your time with them. Only send messages to people who really do make you think wow after reading their profile. Remember that you might think wow at them, they might think eugh.
Yet with all this talk, I'm being rather classy and going for an eggnog latte with someone on Saturday, just a couple of hours chat before I have an evening out with a group of friends for a birthday party. We have not yet, we have talked loads. Our online meeting was due to someone reading my blog and they told one of their friends about it, the friend they told actually knows me well and thought that if my mindful rumblings didn't scare someone off, I should treat her to a brew. It may not work out, but highlights how things can happen with a guise of complete randomness, regardless of how much effort (or not) you out into Internet dating.
Sent from my whyayePad using Tapatalk
Haha. That's definitely OKCupid right down to a tee. Especially the bondage.
I keep getting high matches with the educated subs too. But that might be because I'm a kinky bugger too :angel:
Taking the time to read through the answers is worth it for people who attract your attention. Will give you a better idea of whether you're wasting your time or not and will give you a better idea of what sort of message they'd appreciate. For instance I don't even bother messaging anyone who says they don't like children, as I have a ginger gobshite who follows me round.
Though I might be feeling optimistic today because I have two dates lined up :eek2:
Sent from my whyayePad using Tapatalk
In terms of what I say to them I think it's best to read over their profile and write a few paragraphs in relation to their profile and it dovetailing with my own interests.
Sent from my whyayePad using Tapatalk
I might well have got the wrong end of the stick from what you posted and I really hope I have. I'm writing this more aimed towards other people that may come in looking for similar advice. You have to sell yourself, asking what kinds of films someone likes is a question you ask once you have had two way conversation. Unless you fit it in as a question amongst talking about your love for film and things that you have in common.
I've just been asking questions about her profile and her interests that I believe tie in with mine, but as I'm a novice to it I'm not sure how I am doing.
But hey at least she replied which is a good thing as many won't reply.
As with anything, you either click or you don't. It can't really be forced. And you don't always click in the same way.
Was reading a book (Love by Numbers by Luisa Dillner, a doctor who did an agony aunt column based on empirical evidence in the Guardian) that said New Year sees a spike in people using dating websites. Apparently people feel getting a new partner is a resolution.
This is really absolutely true. I went on dates and stuff and never clicked with any of them really. To the point where I had run out of things to say and they had and we were just looking at our shoes. I thought I was broken or something / a really boring date, but with current girlfriend we just *clicked* straight away and that was that.
The thing with dating sites is you need thick skin. I personally found the effort required for the few women who did go on dates with me (and it being dull), and the emotional/mental toll of all your messages being ignored really shit on my self esteem for no benefit.
I think if you take the time to craft a good profile, are fairly photogenic and so on you could get some decent results from it. As is I just went on there with the 'honest, this is me' approach and it obviously didn't pay any dividends. Also I've read for messaging, the optimum is to spend around 2-3 minutes crafting an initial reply / glancing at their profile. The fact is most messages aren't replied to, probably a significant proportion aren't even read, so spending too long writing messages will only make it more difficult.
For a first message a paragraph should do well enough. More than that and people probably won't read it all and probably won't reply to something they've not read. And proving what an inexact science it is, a date lined up messaged me first with one line: what's your twitter name?