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I'm a complete loner.....why am I ok with it?
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
Been wanting to write something for days but couldn't think what to write or where to put it....but after a few drinks this seems as good a place as any.
It's dawned on me lately just how "by myself" i really am. Over the last couple of years people have slowly drifted out of my life to the point where I only have one friend who i see/speak to outside of my workplace/house on a regular basis. Just going through my facebook friends there are 10-20 people that i think i could socialise with if i tried to, but i don't.
Some of those people I simply don't miss. Others I don't think particularly miss me and I am not going to bust my hump forcing a friendship that doesn't really exist.
When i am "forced" into social situations, ie through work, I grin, bear it and usually can't wait to be by myself again. I guess the bottom line is that I just don't have the inclination to have a social life and 95% of the time I am totally fine with it.
But right now is the other 5% of the time when i wonder what the hell is wrong with me....and whilst I am "ok" will i ever be truly happy if i don't make the effort with people?
I read alot of posts on here about people who think that they are just unlovable. I don't feel that way about myself despite a lot of disappointments in the past.
Or at least i dont think i do.
Do i have some deep seated, long held fear of people that I am just not facing? Have I given up because its the easiest thing to do? Is not trying with people just a self defence mechanism?
Sorry for rambling, I'm just hoping that the next time i feel like this (probably soon given the time of year) i can visit this thread and try to make some sense of things.
It's dawned on me lately just how "by myself" i really am. Over the last couple of years people have slowly drifted out of my life to the point where I only have one friend who i see/speak to outside of my workplace/house on a regular basis. Just going through my facebook friends there are 10-20 people that i think i could socialise with if i tried to, but i don't.
Some of those people I simply don't miss. Others I don't think particularly miss me and I am not going to bust my hump forcing a friendship that doesn't really exist.
When i am "forced" into social situations, ie through work, I grin, bear it and usually can't wait to be by myself again. I guess the bottom line is that I just don't have the inclination to have a social life and 95% of the time I am totally fine with it.
But right now is the other 5% of the time when i wonder what the hell is wrong with me....and whilst I am "ok" will i ever be truly happy if i don't make the effort with people?
I read alot of posts on here about people who think that they are just unlovable. I don't feel that way about myself despite a lot of disappointments in the past.
Or at least i dont think i do.
Do i have some deep seated, long held fear of people that I am just not facing? Have I given up because its the easiest thing to do? Is not trying with people just a self defence mechanism?
Sorry for rambling, I'm just hoping that the next time i feel like this (probably soon given the time of year) i can visit this thread and try to make some sense of things.
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Comments
love yourself and have lots more fun in your own company then with others so you don't see the point.
I myself only feel the need of one person in my life, the one I want to love/have sex with and that's about it.
I think it's normal, we are all different and there's nothing wrong with that
But you can just enjoy your own company and find being round people all the time quite tiring, but i do get sometimes its just like maybe i do wanna go see someone.. but theres not really someone there.
Have you considered there may be a deeper reason why you like to be alone? cos since i got depression social situations have been one of the hardest things for me.
No point fighting it. Go with it. Its about learning who YOU are, and what you need to get through life
That's always been how I've felt. I am at my unhappiest when i try to be social, so most of the time I'm not and I am content with my own company.
That said going forward I wouldn't mind having a few more friends to hang out with on a one on one basis or to talk things through with. I know I have lost one or two friends just because i haven't contacted them for so long. I'm also very aware that am unlikely to meet someone "special" if I don't socialise more....
Catch 22. I am reasonably happy with the person i see when i look in the mirror....but at the same time am i holding myself back by being so introverted?
no youre not. Its like in this society we really promote the idea of the extrovert, when theres no need to. We are who we are.
http://greatergood.berkeley.edu/article/item/the_benefits_of_introversion
This above is something I have been struggling to put into words for years. I would say it isnt quite as extreme as you have Mr IWS, but it certainly rings true.
I guess what I am really wondering is if I am genuinely happier being by myself or if I am just so bad at forming relationships I have decided to trick myself into believing I don't really want them.
Any shrinks in the house?! :crazyeyes
Sounds like there's a lot on your mind at the minute. It can be difficult to build lasting friendships. Lots of people face similar challenges. Have you had a chance to read some similar stories other people have shared on The Site? Here's one I found that I thought you might find interesting http://www.thesite.org/sexandrelationships/askthesiteqandas/relationshipsqandas/lonelylife
Have you ever spoken to anyone about how you are feeling? If you want to speak to someone directly, you may want to ask a question to our AsktheSite service for some one to one advice from an expert.
Glad you made the move to chat to us.
Heather
Just remember that because you don't hang around with others and you don't tend to mind, it doesn't mean your a loner. It's good to be by yourself sometimes. Everyone needs there space. Some more than others
I can relate to the original post a lot. I just spent Friday night and the weekend alone reading, cooking, watching films and working out alone. I've never felt loneliness, I love being by myself.
Some people are just like that and some scientists reckon there's a chemical reason too (will pull out some research later).