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Suicidal thoughts
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
.So I'm really not sure what to say here. but I feel literally really crap.
I feel really suicidal and its hard. I'm really scared. Self harming has become worse, again, infact I don't remember a time it was THIS bad. On the way home today I just sat and cried for the full journey because I felt so low. I search tumblr with the tagline "Suicide" and it brings up loads of pictures, I normally save the ones I relate to and then add them to a secret facebook account that my friends and family don't know about. they I get to look through them and it allows others to know how I'm feeling too.
I've developed a really negative attitude "Nobody cares about you Emily" "Nobody would care if you left" "Everyones waiting for you to give up" and "You're the most worthless peice of crap in the world you don't deserve to be alive"...you get the picture.
I take anti depressents and I've been to see my doctor...I just cant flipping take it anmore I feel so stupid. Stupid stupid stupid.
I don't want to feel like this anymore...but i just feel everyones better of without me..I don't have a purpose in the world...
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Comments
Well done for posting about this, how are you feeling this morning? I know in your other thread you mentioned that this time of year can be particularly hard for you so it's worth remembering that and that things can pick up again and your feelings can change.
It's also really positive that you recognise this..
Like you say, the negative thoughts and attitude seems to have taken over at the moment so I wonder if you could find the strength to fight it a bit over the next few days.. start a new mantra in your head "This is a tough patch but I will come out of it. I am important and I deserve to be happy. I do have people that care about me"
You've really made loads of friends here on TheSite and we all genuinely do care. How would you feel about making an appointment with the doc and letting them know how things are at the moment? You've had a lot to deal with this year with your Dad and the loss of your friends and it can take time for our emotions to sink in and settle down.
I know you're not a big fan of the Samaritans so I wonder if you've tried Sane? They have a helpine and an email service that you could try.. they also offer something called textcare where they can set up supportive texts that will be sent through to you to get you through this tough time. We work with Sane a lot and they're really friendly
Let us know how you're getting on and don't forget chat's on this evening with LauraO :thumb:
Sorry to hear how you are feeling *hug*
Did you check out the links that Jo had provided?
purple_rain
Well done for having the courage to send the email! *hug*
purple_rain
How are you feeling at the moment?
It's good just to get it out on here which you know you will be listened to :thumb:
I noticed you have changed your avatar, do you like Jessie J?
purple_rain
I'm OBSESSED with Jessie J...litreally I have 83 posters of her on my walls..
I'm sorry to hear that you're still feeling low and to hear that the time of year is stirring up lots of unhappy memories from previous Christmases. Christmas is a really difficult time for lots of people, it's not some kind of guaranteed joy fest like we're often led to believe.
I know that doesn't necessarily make it any easier to get through, but it might help to know you're the not only person finding it tough at the moment.
Do remember what Jo said as well. TheSite is here whenever you need to vent how your feeling, to rant about your brother's behaviour and just to ask for a virtual hug.
I saw your other thread too about reasons for recovery. Your little sister looks absolutely adorable! It's really great that you've got something to hold onto when it gets tough.
Do keep checking in to let us know how you're getting on.
Will *hug*