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Engaging in fetishistic activity - is this cheating even without any sex involved?

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
Let's say you have a 'kink' that you have never been able to admit to anyone you've had a relationship with including your current partner.... but you meet someone who finds out and is eager to indulge you in certain kinky games that do not involve sex or sex acts by any standard definition...

Your other half has no idea, you can explore a fantasy you couldn't otherwise and there's no actual sex or emotional attachment involved...

Cheating, or not cheating?

Comments

  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    If you're getting sexual thrills or something out of it then I'd say cheating especially because you feel you can't tell your partner what you're doing, but then I'm sure some people will say it's not.

    I think you should look at why you feel unable to tell your partner about the fetish, is it embarrassment or something else? Do you know for sure they wouldn't want to try it?
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I think cheating is mostly about what your partner would think. If they'd be hurt or angry if they found out, you've probably got your answer.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Fiend_85 wrote: »
    I think cheating is mostly about what your partner would think. If they'd be hurt or angry if they found out, you've probably got your answer.

    This. A lot of people would be deeply hurt by it. It doesn't matter if it's anonymous sex in a club, or sex with a prostitute, it's still looking for sexual intimacy elsewhere. She would probably wonder why you couldn't talk to her about it.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I met a guy online a good while ago who used to like to play the sissy but couldn't tell his girlfriend and I felt like it was cheating. If its similar then, yeah it's cheating. Why not just talk to your girlfriend? If she doesn't want to do it, then fair enough you either drop it or drop her. Or continue but on your conscience be it.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    cheating if she doesnt know.
    How has this person found out if you cant even talk to your gf about it?
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    much easier with a relative stranger, conversation led that way and I was completely off my tits at the time.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    i think this is gonna be a crisis time.

    If youre in a monogamous relationship and shes right for you, then you really need to talk about it with her because she might be totally up for the stuff youre into. She might be openminded and be prepared to experiment and see if she likes it.
    If shes not, then she may be prepared to open the relationship up a bit so you are both free to get those needs met that the other isnt up for meeting.
    Or she might decide that she doesnt want this in a relationship at all, but at least she will be able to make that decision with the right information.
    Honestly theres not much point in a relationship if you cant even tell your partner about your kinks, let alone ask them to play. Its not something to be ashamed of.

    Id probably be very wary of a girl that was all eager to get you to cheat behind your girlfriends back though. I really would.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Honestly theres not much point in a relationship if you cant even tell your partner about your kinks, let alone ask them to play.

    It could be a 'phase'...analysing myself, I reckon it probably is.
    Id probably be very wary of a girl that was all eager to get you to cheat behind your girlfriends back though. I really would.

    Why?
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    because even in the BDSM scene and open relationships, there is usually a kind of code of conduct about everyone involved being aware. Fucking around is one thing, but if your girlfriend believes the relationship to be monogamous, and it isnt, then thats not fair on her.
    Im all for open relationships and kinky shit, but fucking around behind peoples backs makes me shudder.

    why not just see if your girlfriend wants to explore it with you? You obviously like her enough to be in a relationship with her, so be honest.
    If she was getting her arse spanked by another dude, would you feel it was much different to if she was fucking someone else?
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Hi Spliffie,

    It seems like you are unsure about whether this consists as cheating or not. Some people would say that taking part in any secret activity is cheating, while some would say as long as it is not sexual or emotional it's ok. As some people mentioned, perhaps asking yourself how she would feel if she found out can help evaluate the situation better - or even how you would feel if she did this? Cheating means different things for different people, so could be worth finding out what she thinks.

    On another note, there seems to be a wonder here as to why you feel the need to hide this fetish from her? Maybe talking to her and starting to open up more about what you like could help you as a couple?
    Have a look at our article on Communicating as a couple.

    Do let us know how you get on :)
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    yes.

    either tell ur partner, or brake it off before u do it.
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