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Bit trivial but...I fancy my son's teacher!

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
REALLY fancy him.

He's around my age, new to the school, from my hometown so has the accent that reminds me of home...and has been so patient with me regarding my son (who has possible autism - I have to ask the teacher to give my son reminders quite a lot, etc).

As far as I can tell, parents HAVE dated teachers of their children before..I'm fairly sure the guy doesn't like me anyway but if you were me and you fancied a teacher of one of your children...how would you talk to him? Keep it strictly professional or be flirty/friendly...?

How can I tell whether he likes me or not?

Feel about 12 writing this but I don't care :flirt:

Comments

  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I guess first to find out if he is married or not
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Yep, which is why I posted here...I'm not going to ask him outright, just want a few subtle tips on how to slightly flirt or find out if he's attached/interested etc.

    You know the stuff, it's just I'm clueless about that kind of thing and just blush and scuttle past him with my head down every morning...
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Just be reeeeaaallly brave. Next time you see him, hold eye contact for about 3 seconds, and flash him your best smile. I would say if that goes well then do the look over your shoulder at him as you walk away but maybe wait to see if he responds in any way first
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Right...I'm really thick when it comes to this stuff so you really need to spell it out for me :blush: - what response from him am I looking for?

    I take my son into school every morning at 8.30 because he has a maths catch up thing, then I have to stand for 15 minutes by the reception class gates (near the main gate) - just as this teacher comes out to unlock the main gate to let the kids in, I have to go round the opposite side of the school to the nursery to drop my daughter off.

    He stands at the main gate until 8.50am which is right on the road so I have to walk past him on my way home, but by then it's almost tie for him to lock the gate so can't stand chatting or anything - a smile I could do obviously, but he's kind of paid to smile back, right?

    The only other time I see him is pick-up time with obviously other parents around, and I have a meeting booked with him next week (no children around) but it's only 15 minutes long and I'll be there to discuss my son's progress in school so can't exactly be hitting on the teacher then! Can you think of any signals he might be interested in me that I can look for during the meeting, or something flirty/more personal than school stuff I can slot into the conversation at some point during that meeting?
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    if youre not seeing any signs that hes interested in you, then he probably isnt.

    does he seek you out to talk to? does he seem pleased to see you, or does it seem formal?
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    It's hard to tell...

    About a week into the new term he called me into a meeting after class so I could fill him in on my son - as I said he was a new teacher to the school this Sept. I said I always get nervous talking to teachers (I was giggling and couldn't make eye contact - stoopid me!) and he said he wasn't scary, just a person behind the teacher label (that seems to be his favourite saying, hehe). A bit later on I mentioned something about my accent and not liking it much and he said he was from my home town too, then said "do you know the clocktower? (I nodded but didnt have a clue where he meant really!)...I'm in a flat over the shops by the clock". I also said that I had been bullied at school a lot because I look the way I do (just came out, didn't mean to say it and he did a face that was either "what are you talking about...there's nothing wrong with you" or "why are you mentioning your looks when we're meant to be talking about your son" it was a fleeting reaction and I quickly changed the subject. At the end he said to meet with him regularly to discuss my son's progress,when I asked how often he meant, he said "once a week or so?" but those meetings never materialised.

    I thought I caught him looking at me when I walked past him on the way to the school office a couple of times, but when I looked at him his eyes darted away, unless I was imagining it...

    He went through a stage of seeming to belly laugh with the other parents a lot - almost every day he would have one parent or another (male and female) chatting to him and he'd be paying them attention, laughing as I said and looking really pally...but when I talked to him he seemed more distant/colder and wouldn't really make eye contact much; he'd be looking just past me 9 times out of 10. We had another meeting on Weds and since then he's been a lot more friendly, when I go to talk to him he smiles and says hi - he did that before but somehow the smile seems more genuine and just a bit warmer now, if you know what I mean?

    What else...oh - we had a meeting booked for Tues but he had to cancel last minute due to a doctor's appointment, then the next day I was late picking up my son and he said I could come in for that chat now if I wanted. We sat on the teeny tiny chairs at one of the tables, he was on the end of the table at the corner, I was on the chair just round the corner (you know) and one leg (the one nearest me) was facing towards me, the other one though was pointing quite awkwardly away in the opposite direction. Hard to explain but I thought that meant he was uncomfortable around me. He wasn't as jokey/informal in that meeting as the first one we'd had, he kept to the subject in hand and just spoke about my son, was polite and friendly but not overly so.

    The next morning was when he was doing the 'warmer smile' thing as I mentioned previously.

    Oh, and today I asked him if the next meeting we had could be more planned in advance so I could sort childcare, as I didn't feel I got my points acros the day before as I was too focused on watching the children and not really taking in what he had said, he asked when I wanted the next meeting then said "after class I'll get my diary out and arrange a date in the next week or two". He forgot in the end, so I had to remind him and he asked when I picked my daughter up from nursery, I said 11.45am and he chose 11.30am for the meeting. I figure if he liked me, he'd have given me a bit longer than 15 minutes :p

    So that's about it, nothing too major to report but I just keep thinking I feel 'something' then other days reckon it's just wishful thinking.

    He's always seeming keep to please when I ask him something, never brushes me off or makes me feel like I'm wasting his time, always tells me not to worry about asking him too many questions, but he's paid to say that isn't he - and a new teacher so wants to make a good impression on everyone.

    What do you think?

    Is there any room for somehow making even a tiny opening to finding out whether he might like me or not? Is it appropriate for example to chat about stuff that isn't school related? Mention my plans for the evening or something..I don't know.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    My mum is a primary school teacher, and I know she likes to keep parent/teacher relationships professional... there are some parents she'll have chats with about things other than their children, but it's generally mum's who she's taught 2 or 3 of their children over the past few years, so she knows the family quite well.

    I'm not saying it wont happen, but from a teachers side of things it can get confusing when school life mixes with personal life. Mum dated another teacher at her school once, and that got very difficult when they split up, especially in meetings etc. Imagine if you dated him for a while, then split up, but you still had to have parents evenings with him?
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I know, there's no way I'd start anything while my son was in his class, but obviously after July he won't be.

    I more interested in just sort of somehow letting him know I like him in a really subtle way (so he knows, but no one else can tell) to open up the possibility that something could happen in future, once my child have left the school even, maybe.

    Explaining badly, but hope you get my meaning.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    from what youre saying, it sounds fairly normal parent teacher relationship. I really wouldnt look too much into it. He will be advised not to have relationships with pupils parents too
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    True, but then again however much teachers are advised not to have relationships with parents, it does happen - I know this as a friend did it a while ago, managed to keep it quiet as she was the teacher and the parent was a divorced dad of 2 children at the school and now she's quit and started at another school.

    Not looking that far ahead obviously, I was just thinking maybe he might have been slightly attracted to me and a bit of flirting or friendly banter might not have harmed, but I'll keep things professional if you guys think it's best :)

    Thanks for the advice.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    i dont know. I just think if youre not sure and you dont really know him, just that he is maybe physically attractive and he talks to you about your son. Id be more concerned that hes wanting to have weekly meetings about your son. Does he have special needs? Id try and concentrate on that rather than whether hes hitting on you, because otherwise you might miss some really important stuff. If you get on, and theres a connection, then thats great. You can use it to benefit your son. I love it when i feel that ive got a good rapport with my childs teacher, but if youre turning it into a sexual thing then youre missing the point
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    He's being assessed for autism, but academically is doing fine - the meetings aren't weekly; that was suggested my the teacher originally although I'm not sure why, however they never materialised as I said.

    The reason I wouldn't pursue anything (if there were anything to pursue) while my son was is his class is precisely because I wouldn't want anything compromising my son's education. It's a good school and this teacher has been brilliant, taking in my viewpoint on how hard my son should be pushed (as he's bright and I didn't want my son being treated any differently just because he has slight problems concentrating in class.

    I was just wanting to figure out if the teacher was interested in me in another way than just a parent, for future reference - as I said, to possibly open doors to something else (maybe) once my son is no longer in his class.

    But as I said, I'll give it a miss :)
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Also...when you say I don't really know him, that was kind of the point of my post - to find out how to start getting to know him.

    I'm not sure how 'friendly' it's considered acceptable to get with teachers, he told all the parents he's a 'joking around', lighthearted sort of person so I don't know whether to start dropping in the odd few bits of 'out of school' type topics of conversation - my friend suggested to ask what he does after work for example, but I thought that WOULD be coming on too strong and make me look a bit weird.

    I didn't mean flirting as in trying to bed him and being really full-on, just wanted to start getting a bit friendler with him and if anything developed in a year or two then great, if not then also fine.

    That's all :)
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