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In love with my sister

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
I need advice please don't judge me. I am a 22 year old male and my sister is 18. We are very close. Recently we have become even closer and we kissed each other passionately. Too cut a long story short my sister says she loves me and wants to be in a sexual relationship with me, I also feel this way. I want to know what the risks are of having sex with my sister. If we do it we will use contraception, is this enough?

Comments

  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Assuming you're in the UK, incest is illegal. If you are reported and convicted you could face 2 years imprisonment.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Fiend's right, relationships with immediate family are illegal in the UK.

    We have an article all about fancying a family member that you might find useful to read here: http://www.thesite.org/sexandrelationships/familyandfriends/family/fancyingafamilymember
    Only you can decide on the next step, of course, and much will depend on your circumstances (such as whether the other person is aware of your affections or feels the same way). If it's a crush then be clear with yourself that it is just a fantasy and even enjoy the feelings it brings. It won't last long, especially if you focus on meeting people outside the family. If it is something you feel unable to resist be sure to avoid making any decision in the heat of the moment.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Also, you are likely, when your other family members find out, to experience a lot of rejection.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Fuck the haters :')
    Had a giggle at the tittle, not going to lie. Didn't know whether serious...
    But genuinely if you like her and she likes you, go for it. But for the love of god, don't have children. Like others have said expect huge amount of rejection and problems, if it is known that you're brother and sister.
    Be safe, have fun and all.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Shikari wrote: »
    Fuck the haters :')
    Had a giggle at the tittle, not going to lie. Didn't know whether serious...
    But genuinely if you like her and she likes you, go for it. But for the love of god, don't have children. Like others have said expect huge amount of rejection and problems, if it is known that you're brother and sister.
    Be safe, have fun and all.

    Worst advice ever.

    Don't go for it. She Is Your SISTER. Forgetting for the moment that any kids you have are likely to have webbed feet and congenital heart defects, something has seriously gone wrong with the hard wiring in you both if you have started finding one another sexually attractive.

    What happens once you've had sex? What then? You do realise you can't just be together as man and wife don't you? What about when your parents find out?
    You really need to think this through.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Is she your sister by blood or a step sister?
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    dunno, run away to another country, change your names. Dont tell anyone
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    When I read this first, I thought it was a Troll.
    But, if you're serious think about it again. As most of the people have advised and told you here it is illegal and you may have to face dire consequences.
    Even if you hide from world and get into relationship with your sister, are you sure your conscience is going to allow that? You sure you wont be guilt ridden all your life for you actions which you took at spur of the moment?
    This may be what you say in the moment thing, you'll get over it. The best right now is to ignore and stop thinking over it. Keep yourself busy with other thing, like friends, work college, etc.
    And, I guess you can get a gf. Try meeting other girls, who are not your sister.
    If you need to fulfill any emotional void you've friends and your parents.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    id advise trying someone elses sister before your own
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Whowhere wrote: »
    Worst advice ever.

    Don't go for it. She Is Your SISTER. Forgetting for the moment that any kids you have are likely to have webbed feet and congenital heart defects, something has seriously gone wrong with the hard wiring in you both if you have started finding one another sexually attractive.

    What happens once you've had sex? What then? You do realise you can't just be together as man and wife don't you? What about when your parents find out?
    You really need to think this through.

    I don't see what's really stopping them from being man and wife? They've already got the second name, they don't even need the wedding ><
    Incests a money saver!
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Thank you for your replies everyone. Most of you have been quite negative but some of the advice has been useful.
    Fiend_85 wrote: »
    Assuming you're in the UK, incest is illegal. If you are reported and convicted you could face 2 years imprisonment.

    I didn't know it was illegal. I can't believe I could go to jail for doing something which doesn't hurt anyone, that's like going to jail for being gay.
    Whowhere wrote: »
    any kids you have are likely to have webbed feet and congenital heart defects

    Is it illegal for people with heart defects to have kids? If having a heart defect is genetic then it must be illegal, otherwise people with heart defects might have children with heart defects. Is it only illegal to have sex with family due to the risk of genetic defects or does it apply to everyone? There should be a eugenics program so the government can choose who can have kids.
    *simba* wrote: »
    Even if you hide from world and get into relationship with your sister, are you sure your conscience is going to allow that? You sure you wont be guilt ridden all your life for you actions which you took at spur of the moment?

    Why should I feel guilty? I'm not hurting anyone. Should people feel guilty for being gay? Should they feel guilty when they masturbate?
    dunno, run away to another country, change your names. Dont tell anyone

    This has been the most useful advice. There are countries where incest is legal such as Spain, we could go there. We won't tell anyone we are related, although we look alike.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Right, you are going to face a world of problems. Even where incest is legal, it is rarely acceptable. You are going to lose everything if you go through with this. So whatever happens, make sure that you are completely certain. There's a reason you asked us not to judge you, there's a reason you've asked for the opinion of a forum. It's because you know that overwhelmingly, people aren't going to be ok with this relationship.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Is it illegal for people with heart defects to have kids? If having a heart defect is genetic then it must be illegal, otherwise people with heart defects might have children with heart defects. Is it only illegal to have sex with family due to the risk of genetic defects or does it apply to everyone? There should be a eugenics program so the government can choose who can have kids.

    You've missed the point; the chances of passing on genetic defects are hugely increased when you are closely related by blood (even cousins, but more especially if you share both parents) and that's the point. No, we don't legislate in other cases on risk of passing on illness, but the risk to the child in this case - should it come to that - would be huge.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I'm also sure that if you got into a sexual relationship with your sister, that it would forever change the relationship and bond that you have between you two. You do that, you can never go back to the way things are.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Is it illegal for people with heart defects to have kids? If having a heart defect is genetic then it must be illegal, otherwise people with heart defects might have children with heart defects. Is it only illegal to have sex with family due to the risk of genetic defects or does it apply to everyone? There should be a eugenics program so the government can choose who can have kids..

    It is illegal if it's through incest. The reason why we're gentically wired to not be attracted to immediate family members is to prevent genetic deformity.
    That said, if you ever did spawn anything you'd both be locked up, baby would be removed and chances are you'd never see it again.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Is the OP in the UK?
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I didn't know it was illegal. I can't believe I could go to jail for doing something which doesn't hurt anyone, that's like going to jail for being gay.

    And you know that's still the case in some countries around the world, some including the death penalty? :impissed:
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    JavaKrypt wrote: »
    And you know that's still the case in some countries around the world, some including the death penalty? :impissed:

    And that makes it okay?
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    There's a whole philosophical debate about whether incest should be illegal (as a liberal I say no), but this isn't the place to have it.

    Think long and hard before you do anything. I'd say don't, even then. But if you do, be prepared to lose all your family and friends and be forced to move a long way from home.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    You got some issues stan...
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Genetc mutation results in dominant and recessive changes. Given how long evolution has been polishing our geneome it's in pretty good shape, so most random changes will be detrimental.

    When close relatives (parent/child, siblings) have offspring there is a very high chance of multiple recessive changes being expressed in the child, and this means it is likely that there will be problems. It's also possible it turns out your mutations are all beneficial, and you get a child much better than the norm - but that's like rolling a whole bunch of dice and them all coming up sixes - I wouldn't want to bet a a childs quality of life like that.

    So having children is a no-no, for fairly good reasons - but you've said you wouldn't do that. However - do you really want a loving relationship where you have to be on the guard against having children - it is very likely that a time will come when you want to have children - and while you can use a donor, having to stop "nature" from taking its course could be painful. Ask yourselves, are you both ready to be sterilised before taking this course of action? if you're not, think very hard about why not. Are you ready to support each other through several abortions - even with sterilisation and contraception, it's likely that it will be necessary.

    It's been pointed out this will fundamentally and irrevocably change the relationship you have with your sister, but that's true whenever you take that extra step in an existing relationship. It's a lot to lose, so think hard about it.

    A big concern with incestuous relationships is they are often abusive relationships, based on a power difference - it's entirely conceivable you could have been "grooming" your sister since she was ten, and it's this possibility that makes it something society can't accept. You will have a lifetime of hiding and lying, and you will almost certainly lose your family.

    The cost of acting on this feeling you think is love is huge, and one that will put a lot of stain on your relationship. But I'm not saying it wont work, I'm not saying it won't be worth it.

    I'd strongly, strongly suggest you make sure you're both lived away from home (and not together) for at least a year, to let that part of "growing up" happen. If you still want to risk it all, then you're going into it with your eyes wide open, which is the best way of making any relationship work.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Carriage Return has expressed everything that needs saying. I agree wholeheartedly.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Pretty much what carriage return says.

    It's one of those pretty much irreversible decisions with ever lasting consequences. Neither of you is going to disappear, I'd suggest waiting a year or two, and if ypure both still feeling the same then think again.

    There's a lot riding on developing emotions and hormonal decisions if you leap too soon.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I need advice please don't judge me. I am a 22 year old male and my sister is 18. We are very close. Recently we have become even closer and we kissed each other passionately. Too cut a long story short my sister says she loves me and wants to be in a sexual relationship with me, I also feel this way. I want to know what the risks are of having sex with my sister. If we do it we will use contraception, is this enough?

    I personally think that whether anything like this is a wind up trolling post, or a serious one, due to the nature of thesite we should always be prepared to give sound and frank advice. Otherwise people may feel uncomfortable in coming here if they have a problem or issue they want to discuss, which is relatively taboo. As for people who search for advice and never post, those are the people that will see advice on similar matters and perhaps use it without any of us ever knowing it.

    However, there is another pertinent point which could be even more important. As difficult or as harsh as it might sound me saying this, if you come on asking for honest and frank advice, then it's a bit untoward if you complain about getting the very frank and honest advice you asked for. Sometimes people can come on here asking about a problem, and get more upset about the advice they are given rather than the problem they are facing. Sometimes this happens because people may have already made their minds up and are trying to use thesite.org to justify their decisions, and when people don't agree with them (for legitimate reasons), the person with the issue can often take it as a personal insult when its not meant to be. In other cases when people ask for help with their problem, they can be genuinely shocked by having their eyes opened to wider issues which they may have been innocently ignorant to before discussing their case.

    Either way we should always aim to give frank and honest advice in a caring and considerate way, however for those who come here to discuss problems, be aware that you might not always like what you see. Pretty much most of the time this isnt down to people being vindictive or nasty. In this case I honestly think most of the board is leaning towards a similar view and most of the issues raised by the OP have been discussed. So, unless there is further fresh evidence/info/questions from the OP, I can only see this thread going round in circles and the OP feeling persecuted, despite what most people see to be as an issue the OP shouldnt explore.

    Just my 2p
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
  • ReenaReena Fanatical Poster Posts: 1,375 The Mix Regular
    It sounds like you and your sister have a strong connection, could it be you're both mistaking what you feel?
    I have heard of stories where siblings develop complexes, like a little sister having a crush on her big brother, looking up to him, believing no other man could compare. Or where they are drawn to each other because of strong emotional bonds- that can leave them confused and believe it's something more than sibling's affection.
    Sorry if I seem negative, but legally and morally it isn't something you should continue with. If you look into history, such as the ancient Egyptians and the Incas who both had a culture of marrying siblings, we now know of the problems those unions caused, and should learn from them.

    As for the health issues, if you were to have a child, I know of a true story about an artist who fell and broke both legs as a boy, and because his parents were 1st cousins they never properly healed. He grew up with a type of dwarfed sized body because his legs were still at the size of when he was a boy. Imagine the complications for a child with parents who are siblings.
    Also there was an Egyptian pharaoh who lived with many health problems, including having to use crutches to walk, who later died young.

    Anyway you look at it, it wouldn't be right. Does your sister know of the consequences? If you love your sister, would you want her to suffer, to feel pain and loss. She will face rejection and isolation from society, friends and family.
    What do you think it will be like in the future? What if you or she come to resent the other because of all the obstacles you will have to face?
    And what if you have a sexual relationship and then break up? Can you go back to being brother and sister again? Would you both risk losing that relationship?
    xx
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I know two people who are first cousins who are married (which is perfectly legal) And 2 out of 3 of their children have serious congenital defects, and their first daughter died as a toddler from them, but they dont think its because theyre related :rolleyes:

    Not that ive got anything against disabled kids, but if you did have them, then the chances are theyd be completely grossed out and fucked up as they got older when they found out and disown you
  • **helen****helen** Mod malarkist Posts: 9,235 Listening Ear
    Genetc mutation results in dominant and recessive changes. Given how long evolution has been polishing our geneome it's in pretty good shape, so most random changes will be detrimental.

    When close relatives (parent/child, siblings) have offspring there is a very high chance of multiple recessive changes being expressed in the child, and this means it is likely that there will be problems. It's also possible it turns out your mutations are all beneficial, and you get a child much better than the norm - but that's like rolling a whole bunch of dice and them all coming up sixes - I wouldn't want to bet a a childs quality of life like that.

    So having children is a no-no, for fairly good reasons - but you've said you wouldn't do that. However - do you really want a loving relationship where you have to be on the guard against having children - it is very likely that a time will come when you want to have children - and while you can use a donor, having to stop "nature" from taking its course could be painful. Ask yourselves, are you both ready to be sterilised before taking this course of action? if you're not, think very hard about why not. Are you ready to support each other through several abortions - even with sterilisation and contraception, it's likely that it will be necessary.

    It's been pointed out this will fundamentally and irrevocably change the relationship you have with your sister, but that's true whenever you take that extra step in an existing relationship. It's a lot to lose, so think hard about it.

    A big concern with incestuous relationships is they are often abusive relationships, based on a power difference - it's entirely conceivable you could have been "grooming" your sister since she was ten, and it's this possibility that makes it something society can't accept. You will have a lifetime of hiding and lying, and you will almost certainly lose your family.

    The cost of acting on this feeling you think is love is huge, and one that will put a lot of stain on your relationship. But I'm not saying it wont work, I'm not saying it won't be worth it.

    I'd strongly, strongly suggest you make sure you're both lived away from home (and not together) for at least a year, to let that part of "growing up" happen. If you still want to risk it all, then you're going into it with your eyes wide open, which is the best way of making any relationship work.

    Another thumbs up for this post - take note spiceweasel. There's a whole range of useful perspectives here that I hope you'll benefit from. Going to close this as I can see it going down the debate route and as Arctic quite rightly points out, this isn't the space for that kind of debate.
This discussion has been closed.