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Too many children and young people don't have decent role models these days...

**helen****helen** Deactivated Posts: 9,235 Supreme Poster
Discuss. :)

This was inspired by a conversation with a friend. Mainly interested in your views related to the following:

1) Did you feel you had a decent role model when you were a child, if so, who?
2) Do you feel you have one now?
3) What are your observations about your peers and their role models?

Comments

  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    **helen** wrote: »
    Discuss. :)

    This was inspired by a conversation with a friend. Mainly interested in your views related to the following:

    1) Did you feel you had a decent role model when you were a child, if so, who?

    Yes, superman.
    2) Do you feel you have one now?

    Not really.
    3) What are your observations about your peers and their role models?

    I think the concept of a role model is important, but its heralded as more important to childrens development and aspiration than it actually is. I would say we are far more aspirational now than 50 years ago, and doubly so from 100 years ago. We are literally at the peak of aspiration right now.

    The problem isn't kids growing up and not caring what they they want to be, but the problem is rather there are no obvious routes to get there. In the 50s and 60s lots of people had a (relatively) affluent lifestyle compared to their parents, in no small part from social reforms and also global economic growth. The new industrial powerhouses of China and South America meant that every household could afford luxuries that previously were only for the (small) middle class. In a generation or two the landscape of what you could aspire to vs your parents changed dramatically.

    Fast forward to today and the middle classes of China and other industrial countries are expanding rapidly, meaning that increasingly there are less opportunities to import but more opportunities to export. In addition to this an aging population mean those 'baby boomers' who got wealthy off the back of global growth are now not paying into the system, but instead taking out - meaning that the pension pot and the NHS are being stretched and services are being cut.

    So if you are growing up today what does this mean? What do you aspire to? To have a good job and live with two cars, foreign holidays, a nice house and garden like your parents / grandparents had? Unfortunately, no. Prices are increasing, wages are dropping, and benefits and social provisions are not expanding to cope with increased demand. In places like Italy this happened 10-15 years ago and people simply coped. It's also happened in Spain and Greece. People have to just get by with what they have and make the best of it - and there's no shame in that at all, in my opinion. The name of the game is getting on with the hard grind and just putting the hours in, in the hope that one day it won't be so bad, but with no guarantees.

    Idols and role models are great, but they dont reflect reality for a lot of people now. If we don't want a generation of disillusionment we have to stop selling the American dream - it doesn't exist now, and it never really did in the first place.

    (Unlike for me, where I really did learn how to fly and save the world.)
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    My role model is my mental health nurse. She is an amazing woman, and has really inspired me- so much so that I want to become a CAMHS nurse. I've thrown so much at her, been such a difficult patient... and she's always calm, she always says the right things, and has quite honestly kept me alive. She's really gone out her way to help me. There honestly aren't enough people like her in the world.

    Sadly, when I was younger I looked up to my abusers and latched on to them. I didn't have anyone else, I was quite a lonely child... but thankfully I've got Jo (my nurse) now, and she is honestly an inspiration. (I even wrote a note on one of my CAMHS forms saying how awesome she is so the boss would see it)
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    1) Did you feel you had a decent role model when you were a child, if so, who?

    Possibly my mum. I grew surrounded by peace activists, feminists and many lefty arty politically active people, but none of my childhood role models were actually very good role models - some took drugs, ended up in prison for political direct actions, one even ended up commiting suicide. But I think they all gave me a very good moral base which has put me in fairly good stead (if not made life some what uncomfortable at times for believing in unpopular things).

    2) Do you feel you have one now?

    No, and I would really like one! I'm in a very transitory point in my life and I have tonnes of ambitions but not a huge amount of direction.

    3) What are your observations about your peers and their role models?

    Many people of my age seem not to have a role model - I think many people have seen past the illusion that people create around someone they view as role model when they are young. There are many people I admire but I wouldn't call them role models and I think many people my age feel the same.
  • Starry nightStarry night Posts: 674 Incredible Poster
    I have lots of role models and people I admire. My father is one. Although, the majority of my role models are fictional characters or historical figures so....
    I agree there is a lack of modern role models for people. Although, because people are more connected and have greater access to the internet/books and all other sources of culture I think it easier for people to connect with things/people. For example, singers in bands or particular artists.
    My top 5 heroes are ( not ordered)-
    Sir Edmund Hilary, T.S.Eliot, Charlotte Bronte, Charles Darwin, Dylan Moran.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    My role models(s) growing up and still now are my mum and dad.

    On this site sometimes i feel like i dont want to stay stuff about my family life because other people i know have different situations and may be worse off, but my mum and dad are a solid, stable support for me. We have a nice house, enough money to get by and can afford the odd indian meal here and there but are by no means rich. When i was very young they were broke and had to count pennies when buying groceries. They've worked hard to get where they are now and have taught me and my sister to work for what we have and also not to take things for granted.

    My mum also has a bit of a feminist stance and has taught me to stand up for myself in relationships and not be downtrodden or treated like crap. I know i wouldnt be who i am without them and i know that im incredibly lucky to have what i have.

    I dont think there alot of famous figures these days that can be seen as 'role models'. In my eyes, alot of celebrities are people who will do anything to be on tv and get their 15 minutes. Off the top of my head i cant think of anyone who would be a suitable role model for youngsters, at least not in the media
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Lexi99 wrote: »
    I dont think there alot of famous figures these days that can be seen as 'role models'. In my eyes, alot of celebrities are people who will do anything to be on tv and get their 15 minutes. Off the top of my head i cant think of anyone who would be a suitable role model for youngsters, at least not in the media

    Going back to what I said earlier - do you think there ever were lots of celebrities who were held up as role models? Its oft-touted that the youth of today are failing because they have no aspiration or role models but, my query is this; did they ever? Or has every generation thats ever come and gone just done their best to get by? If anything now young people have more time to figure out who they want to be, its no longer a case of '15? off to work until you die now, thanks'.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Yea true. Every new band/singer that has ever come along has been seen as unsuitable for young people (im thinking the rock n roll era, then along came punk). so even though todays adults see them as the suitable ones, the kids arent interested in them, they want the newest fad. also, there was probably this same question asked with every new generation: they need a kick up the backside, they dont do any work, theyre not motivated enough, this country wlll go downhill blah blah, it doesnt get better, it just changes into a different problem
  • Indrid ColdIndrid Cold Posts: 16,688 Skive's The Limit
    I can't remember ever having a specific role model. Not right now either; I'd say my role model is myself as I'd like to be.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    1) Did you feel you had a decent role model when you were a child, if so, who?
    I used to look up to the various vets on the TV programs. Loved the idea of helping the animals and owners, especially the ones that worked in the RSPCA vets (Vets was called Harmsworth if I remember correctly, presented by Rolf Harris) where they made sure money wasn't an issue. I thought it'd be amazing to be just like them! (I later did work experience at a vets and changed my mine when I fainted...) But yeah, they were role model I guess.

    2) Do you feel you have one now?
    No, don't think so

    3) What are your observations about your peers and their role models?
    When I was at school (was a girls school) most people seemed to look up to singers, celebrities etc as their role models. I think the thought of being famous, pampered and rich appealed to a lot of the girls at school!
  • **helen****helen** Deactivated Posts: 9,235 Supreme Poster
    ShyBoy wrote: »
    Idols and role models are great, but they dont reflect reality for a lot of people now.

    This is interesting because it sounds like you have a set idea of who role models are perceived to be. It assumes who the role models are. On the contrary I think B-A's example is really interesting because she highlights someone who absolutely reflects reality. Which 'role models' are you referring to?
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I guess it depends what you mean by role models.

    I don't think I've ever had any one where I could go 'I want to be like them' however I definitely had people around who were what you might call good influences.

    When I was a little kid my dad was a site engineer, and now I think I'd like to do that. I've worked with some really good people, and I have definitely found myself thinking that I'd be happy if I was doing something like them in x years time.

    The main thing though is I had what has always felt to be good parents, who provided a stable environment to grow up in and had a family life that gave me a really good (and arguably cushy) impression of what 'normal' was.

    To me that seems to be what's missing in a lot of kids lives these days. My parents both worked, dad full time, mum a variety of full and part time, they valued education, they supported our interests and activities, we were encouraged to do sport, we played outside, we had limited and very supervised (like in the middle of the living room) access to computers/computer games, we were expected to look after ourselves, to participate in household chores, we were expected to work hard at school, but also have a life outside it, and we didn't go out for meals/get take away much because treats got 'saved up' to be had on holidays. It was very much a culture of value what you have a live within your means.

    I always assumed this was standard behaviour, but have discovered it's really not the case for a lot of kids.

    So in a way, I think you might call my parents my role models - and in which case I definitely had role models and they were good ones. Is that kind of role model missing for a lot of kids today? Very definitely yes. We seem to be reaching a point where there are kids who's parents didn't do much with school, didn't see any benefit in education, and have lived off credit/benefit and they've got no idea that there's another option out there. There aren't really any role models of that kind in the 'celebrity' category either.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    **helen** wrote: »
    1) Did you feel you had a decent role model when you were a child, if so, who?

    I had several growing up but I think that is because as a child you are always trying to adapt and change yourself to fit with the "crowd" your currently associated with. I would say my main role model was my Dad - he was always supportive and encouraging of anything (as long as it wasn't bad!) and I have his work ethic instilled in me. He also taught me to aim high because anything worth having is worth working hard for. I also admired my sister but I think that was because we are complete opposites and ten years apart - I always wanted to grow up and be happy like she was. I also learnt a lot from her in terms of standing up for yourself and for what you want/believe in but doing it in the right way.
    **helen** wrote: »
    2) Do you feel you have one now?

    Yes - I have always believed in the following;
    "To succeed, you need to find something to hold on to, something to motivate you and someone to inspire you"
    In this instance, my role model would be my manager. My career is massively important to me and she has taught me a lot about the job, what sort of person you need to be and similar to my Dad, she has also taught me the importance of working hard for what you want. She is also passionate about what she does and that to me is important.

    The second role model would have been my first counsellor - similar to B-A and her MH Nurse - it never mattered what I said, how I behaved or just how stubborn I was, her "unconditional positive regard", her empathy, her passion for the job and her general caring nature meant I felt safe, understood and like someone genuinely wanted to help me, rather than doing the job for the paycheck at the end of the month. In that profession, I think thats essential - and if there were more people like that in everyday life, I think the world would be a generally nicer place to be. I also would like a career in counselling at some point and I would like to hope that I could be as caring and as passionate about the job as she was.
    **helen** wrote: »
    3) What are your observations about your peers and their role models?

    Alot of my friends are obsessed with the "rich and famous" lifestyle, which I don't think comes down to role models a such but more the way in which the media publicise the lifestyle and create a hype around it. I also think a lot of people put happiness down to how much money you make; IMO money makes things easier but it certainly doesn't buy you happiness. I think as adults we are now less likely to refer to people as role models - I probably would never have really considered my manager and my counsellor to be role models until the question was asked. But I think that comes down to a stereotype; whereby, people assume you mean a celebrity, fictional character, etc rather than someone who really exists.
  • **helen****helen** Deactivated Posts: 9,235 Supreme Poster
    But I think that comes down to a stereotype; whereby, people assume you mean a celebrity, fictional character, etc rather than someone who really exists.

    :yes: Definitely!
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    **helen** wrote: »
    This is interesting because it sounds like you have a set idea of who role models are perceived to be. It assumes who the role models are. On the contrary I think B-A's example is really interesting because she highlights someone who absolutely reflects reality. Which 'role models' are you referring to?

    Someone you can aspire to be like. I think people figure out on their own a lot of the time who they are without needing to have an idol to follow.

    As Scary says there are a lot of people in our lives who influence us but its different things about different people, rather than one person...
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    ShyBoy wrote: »
    As Scary says there are a lot of people in our lives who influence us but its different things about different people, rather than one person...

    :yes:
  • **helen****helen** Deactivated Posts: 9,235 Supreme Poster
    ShyBoy wrote: »
    Someone you can aspire to be like. I think people figure out on their own a lot of the time who they are without needing to have an idol to follow.

    I'm not sure 'role model' and 'idol' are the same thing. I think if your expectation of a role model is that they have the same impact on someone's decision making as an idol, then you're bound to question their relevance/importance.

    By wikipedia's definitions -

    Role model: Person who serves as an example, whose behaviour is emulated by others

    Idol: traditionally/historically there's obviously a religious element but essentially in modern understanding the latter half of the definition is most relevant "...any person or thing regarded with blind admiration, adoration, or devotion."

    So I'm sure you'd agree that to regard anyone with 'blind admiration' is problematic. However, if we assume that the person who is a role model serves as a positive example, then what do you think, if anything, is their value in a person's life? And what do you think is the potential impact (if any) if young people don't have easily identifiable role models to look to?

    :chin:
  • **helen****helen** Deactivated Posts: 9,235 Supreme Poster
    We seem to be reaching a point where there are kids who's parents didn't do much with school, didn't see any benefit in education, and have lived off credit/benefit and they've got no idea that there's another option out there. There aren't really any role models of that kind in the 'celebrity' category either.

    Does anyone else feel this is the case? Are there any non-celebrity options for young people in this situation to consider?
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    **helen** wrote: »
    Does anyone else feel this is the case? Are there any non-celebrity options for young people in this situation to consider?

    There are plenty of non-celebrity people for young people to consider; for instance, teachers. But what about the "celebrities" that aren't considered "famous" because they aren't in the newspaper 24/7 falling over drunk and getting high on god knows what....e.g. olympians; paralympians; athletes; founders of charities such as, Chad Varah (Samaritans), Bryn & Emma Parry (Help for Heroes), etc; entrepreneurs such as, Richard Branson & Sir Alan Sugar; Authors such as Roald Dahl - whose life was filled with tragedy, yet he never gave up; Soldiers who put their life in danger every day to fight for our country....the list is endless - just these people aren't recognised enough and clearly don't get as much room in the media because they aren't involved in some scandal...Lance Armstrong is a classic example - how many people really knew who he was before the latest scandal surrounding him?
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    What bothers me is the lowest common denominator. My nieces and nephews are good kids, and want to be artists and scientists and raf even wants to be an engineer so he can invent a lightsaber.

    But, kids saying that they want to grow up to be a footballers wife... What kind of aspiration is that? I want to be defined by who I'm married to? Rubbish.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Fiend_85 wrote: »
    But, kids saying that they want to grow up to be a footballers wife... What kind of aspiration is that? I want to be defined by who I'm married to? Rubbish.

    :yes: Whatever happened to ambition!?
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Not even ambition. Just a clear sense of who they want to be. I want to teach, I want to have a good job, I want to learn to ski.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Pretty much what fiend & White Lillies said.

    There definitely are potentially role models out there, and that was one of the good things about the olympics - it added to the mix of teachers/youth workers. The limitation on teachers being role models though is possibly the value that the home places on education. If parents have no respect for teachers/education then that's likely to rub off on the child who won't either, which rules out teachers as a role model.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    This chick especially we all know that most athletes come across as a bit privileged, but not her.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Most of my teachers weren't great role models, and especially with zero male teachers I don't know how I could have related anyway. I admired my Dad a lot and always wanted to do what he did: work really hard (8am - 6.30-7.30pm 6 days a week) at a job he didn't love, to support us, and not really receive a huge amount of recognition every day for it.
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