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Being overweight
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
Hi,
Just looking for some feedback on this issue with regards to whether it reduces your chances of getting into a relationship.
I'm overweight, maybe by about 4 stone, and I can't help but feel this reduces my chances of getting a girlfriend as being overweight has an effect on your physical appearance of course.
Or does it not impact too much ? From a confidence point of view I think I'd feel better if I was lighter, but I find it very hard to lose weight because of the medication I take.
I've been overweight ever since the medication regime was started when I was 19 and I'm now 27.
The thing is I've never been that confident with in terms of the opposite sex. Personally I think psychological bullying as a teenager made me ill and it was around my appearance and chances of getting a girlfriend that they picked on.
However, at university during a brief period of 'slenderness' I did ok with girls, but then having already been bullied that's where things got confusing and for a lot of complex reasons which I don't fully understand from a psychology point of view I became ill.
But body image has always been an area of lack of confidence, although as I said when I was a bit more slender when I was younger I had some success just in the odd kiss in nightclubs, but as yet have not had a girlfriend.
I think the best way to look at your appearance is you are fine as you are ie self acceptance, but from a weight point of view I could definitely say I'm several stone overweight and from that point of view there is room for improvement
Just looking for some feedback on this issue with regards to whether it reduces your chances of getting into a relationship.
I'm overweight, maybe by about 4 stone, and I can't help but feel this reduces my chances of getting a girlfriend as being overweight has an effect on your physical appearance of course.
Or does it not impact too much ? From a confidence point of view I think I'd feel better if I was lighter, but I find it very hard to lose weight because of the medication I take.
I've been overweight ever since the medication regime was started when I was 19 and I'm now 27.
The thing is I've never been that confident with in terms of the opposite sex. Personally I think psychological bullying as a teenager made me ill and it was around my appearance and chances of getting a girlfriend that they picked on.
However, at university during a brief period of 'slenderness' I did ok with girls, but then having already been bullied that's where things got confusing and for a lot of complex reasons which I don't fully understand from a psychology point of view I became ill.
But body image has always been an area of lack of confidence, although as I said when I was a bit more slender when I was younger I had some success just in the odd kiss in nightclubs, but as yet have not had a girlfriend.
I think the best way to look at your appearance is you are fine as you are ie self acceptance, but from a weight point of view I could definitely say I'm several stone overweight and from that point of view there is room for improvement
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Comments
i think it affects you if your overweight and you want a gf or bf.
i went out with maybe 3 or 4 guys and it last only 1 day.
i stopped trying to have a bf because i felt so tired,and other guys that wanted to go out with me and there was alot all they wanted was to have sex with me and that's all.
so i guess it is difficult sometimes.
Yes, it does make a difference, but probably not as much difference as you would think. I think it is easier to get noticed if you're a bit more slender, but I think that as people get older they get more interested in personalities. Put simply, a confident overweight man is going to have more success than a slender shy man. There are plenty of fat bankers and stockbrokers who don't struggle for girls, mostly because they simply don't expect to struggle for girls.
I think if you get out and do some exercise, no matter how little, it will help. I've lost some weight but still carry about two stone too much, again because of meds as far as I can tell, but being active helps. Even if I'm fat I get noticed because I'm out doing stuff- cycling, running, walking, whatever- and that's far more interesting than being skinny and doing fuck all.
x
Of course there are some people who'll only ever look at whats on the outside.
I use to think it was important how others saw me when I was younger, so I tried to live up to those expectations. I believed I was fat and ugly. But I have always been pretty average looking, and was only 6 stone at the age of 14, still thinking I was fat.
As I got help with counseling, I started eating properly, (I was skipping meals) and realized that it didn't matter how I looked to the rest of the world, it's what I felt about myself. And do you know what, I have had a few guys interested since I've become more confident, I like to think they noticed my loud mouth, bubbly character first. -But I'm happy being single for the moment.
xx
It does seem from your post that there is a confidence issue here. As Annaarrr!! says, every girl likes different types of guys; bigger, thinner, taller, smaller etc and sometimes personality is the most important aspect of falling in love.
Have a look at this previously asked question on askthesite. I linked you to the latter as it's a girl's point of view and shows how while they were friends he was actually confident - but once they got together he felt insecure. This shows that sometimes the simple thought of relationships - or even just speaking to girls - can bring up this anxious self-consciousness. When in fact you could very well be confident around friend - so it's in there somewhere. Generally confidence truly what is attractive :yes:
Also have a look at this article on Male body image and Looks vs personality.
Hope this helps
If it's someone who's obsessed by their own looks, then you may have problems, but who wants that type of gf anyway? Unless you're equally vain of course.
One of my best mates is way overweight, has no hair and (thanks to a particularily nasty incident in his teens) no teeth. He's now very happily married to a lovely Lady who could see through the surface detail to the fact that, actually, he's a great guy.
I doubt you'll ever find a lasting relationship based on looks alone.
Thanks for the replies and I'll have a look at the links you have provided. Yes, it is a confidence issue I think.
Personally I think my teenage experiences haven't helped - put downs and criticism about appearance and chances with girls mainly and it took a while to unlearn the comments that became beliefs. I think the criticisms played a role in making me unwell and in the process of being unwell was put on medication that has had an adverse effect on my weight. I do think I have had confidence and self esteem issues which have been improving over the last few years, but body image and confidence with women is something I still need to work on.
I did go speed dating last week though which was brave - couldn't have done that a few years ago.
Obviously it'll benefit your health as well as your aesthetics.
"I doubt you'll ever find a lasting relationship based on looks alone."
If people are honest with themselves deep down, looks do play a part. I've never seen anyone get in a relationship with someone they don't consider attractive.
I think you have a very narrow minded view about what people might find attractive. Yes I will admit that deep down looks play a part, but certain looks mean different things to different people. You say that losing 4st isn't that hard, and in fact it does seem quite easy if you do as you say. If everything in life was just as simple as "just do this" and its easy then people would be able to do anything. Unfortunately life isn't like that. Losing 4st for some people can be quite hard and a big challenge, some people have quite weak will power when it comes to munching down on a nice tasty takeaway (myself included).
What the poster says about it taking 6-10 months is right, and the being increasingly active too. Losing 4st will take time, but if you do it properly without using fad/crash diets then it will work a lot better.
Which part is narrow minded?
I'm well aware that everyone has different views on what's considered attractive, but there is such thing as consensual attractiveness; hence you get so many men who want to bang Megan Fox and so many women who want to bang Brad Pitt or David Beckham. What I've seen in people, and women especially is that their actions are different to what I say. "I love cuddly chubby men" .......... same girl is always with some fit footballer, gym enthusiast or slim club-goer.
It's not easy no, but if people don't think improving their physical & mental health as well as their aesthetics is motivation enough to cut down (yes cut down, not cut out) on junk food, eat a balanced diet and get some regular exercise then I really don't know what is short of an incoming heart attack or ending up immobile. There's people who have had far worse weight problems than the TC that have managed to get down to a healthy weight with consistent discipline and exercise. There's countless success stories out there.
It's a reasonable amount of time really, and it won't be long coming around.
So, because you, Arctic Roll, don't consider her attractive, it means that she isn't considered consensually attractive and that most straight men would kick her out of bed? I suppose you'll next be telling me that you know that one woman who thinks Brad Pitt in Fight Club looks like a mong lol
I brought celeb examples up to help my point made to G raffe about what people generally tend to consider attractive, despite the fact everyone finds different things attractive. What was the point in your retort other than to inform me that you don't like Megan Fox?
Perhaps it was that you were coming across all pushy and authoritative and he didn't agree with what you were saying? No need to get your knickers in a twist. Tbh I reckon a lot of these celeb men wouldnt kick out of bed might well be really really annoying when you get them home after a night out.
In any case, I appreciate a proper response rather than a vague one line response.
To be honest I've not been meaning to come across that way either, so apologies if I have.
TC: Sorry for derailing your thread.
My point was amazingly simple: there is more than one idea of attractiveness in this world.
Do you think I disagree?.. I find all kinds of people attractive and have dated a variety of 'em. Red-heads, brunettes, blondes, slim, tall, small, curvy, black girls, mixed race girls, etc.
But the point I was making in my previous posts was that there are traits which both the majority men and women generally tend to find attractive in the opposite sex, hence, you get people considered universally or consensually attractive. Regardless of the exceptions. Hence the archtypical tall, dark, handsome man with washboard abs and the beach babe with a small waist, wide hips and large breasts.