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hormones making me feel crazy

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
I'm pregnant so can potentially blame all of this on hormones.

I woke up last night and felt myself getting angrier and angrier. At my boyfriend, at my situation. Everything. So angry I couldn't even sleep and was contemplating waking him up just to tell him how pissed off I was.

I just want to run away, right now. Or talk to someone. I dunno. I can feel myself crying and then stupid irritating voices in my head saying 'stress isn't good for the baby'.

I do the same routine everyday. Usually washing up and cleaning the sides in the kitchen, laundry. But everything gets messed up again. So why bother.

I am getting increasingly angry at my boyfriend despite the fact that he is now working an extra job to support us financially and I am at home so I feel it's my place to do more. Which I would be happy to do but I am sick of cleaning up and having his friend, our housemate around. He moves out on the 15th so not long to go.

I get pissed off with my boyfriend's obsession with Warhammer and ordering Warhammer. An order arrived yesterday. I thought he was done ordering things because of our finances. But how do I legitimately complain when I am contributing zilch right now? He joked that Im not letting him have any hobbies. For the past few weeks I've been turning down invitations from friends who live pretty locally because I cant afford the train fare. And he speaks about not being able to have hobbies?

He's now working a full time job as well as Tuesday and Wednesday evenings and Saturdays 11am-6pm leaving him with not much time. We are moving out on Friday 16th. I packed all of our books yesterday but I'm limited with what I can do now. His brother is coming over the Sunday before we move to do Warhammer. Im failing to see how we are going to get everything done and the house all cleaned in time.

I am just fed up and am already imagining the resentment building up in him from having 2 jobs. My worth has been reduced to boring domestic shit. I have nothing exciting to contribute other than 'I'm a bit more pregnant today'.

But I am excited. I am painting him out to be horrible but I know that I'm incredibly lucky to have him. It's just hard when things/roles feel so unbalanced right now. Today he asked me what I was gonna do and I always feel the need to list chores to warrant my staying at home-ness. Today all I could manage to think of was 'Clean the toilet'.

I have a degree. I'm not thick. I want his housemate to piss off because he makes me even more irrate. But I only have two weeks left here and then we move.

Comments

  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I wanted to add that I'm feeling less insane/angry. And I dont want anyone to think I'm regretting having a baby. Things are just really hard right now- even it is for two weeks until we move.

    So thesite gets lumbered with a big Rachael vent of epic proportions again. Sorry
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    You are not feeling anything unusual here. Part of it is hormones, but a good deal of it is just the way things go.

    Having a baby massively changes both yourself as a person and your relationship with your other half. People have visions of being the perfect family because that is what they see on tv, but in reality I don't actually know anyone who is like that in real life, and tbh I am suspicious of people who claim that is what they have.

    Objectively Mr Kaff is a good husband and a great father, but sometimes I actually want to rip his face off because he just does not understand how my life has changed, and I'm sure sometimes he feels that way about me too, cause his life has changed too in ways that I can't understand. I think the only way through it is to listen to each other, be honest, and respect each other's feelings even if you don't understand them.

    Having a baby is great. But it is also HARD, and your life will never be the same again. There's nothing wrong with struggling with it now and again. It doesn't make you a bad parent. Just an honest one.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Thanks Kaff.

    We do talk and we talked tonight and I'm grateful for that. I just felt so overwhelmed by things today- a lot of trivial things or temporary problems.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I know exactly how you feel. I was in the similar situation except my boyfriend now husband contributed to me losing my job while just finding out i was prego just so he could get a job to go back to his ex and quit his job while i was prego. Now I have been a stay at home mom for 7 years and feel like I am going crazy I am constantly feeling like he will leave me and constantly under his thumb. My advice once you have the baby get him or her into daycare somewhere you trust and can be flexible to your hours. Then get a job. He sounds just like my husband. Needs the games rather than food or diapers soemtime. Now I hear it every payday I am just a paycheck to you. For some reason men like them think about them before us and what they "have to do " for us because we are lazy and dont want to work. Me here in this state cant get a job because of the fact I havent worked in so long now I am back in school for the asl program. But still under his financial issue and it sucks I just wrote hima 5 page letter telling him how he pushes me away and that he has not come up to me to tell me why he loves me since we have been together I am very insecure since my second child like worse than before. But now I am to a point where I dont want to get out of bed think constantly about killing myself and also started self mutilation in my sleep. Now it is almost 1 am and I cant sleep because he wouldnt delete a womans number out of his phone someone he said didnt mean anything it was a work contact. but beside the point I cant tell you enough to not hammer him about it. Let him know calmly that you are feeling overwhelmed as you are not used to this work and you are used to giving your share. Remind him that money is tight and if you could control the bills being paid first in the budget that is what I had to do the money goes in I pay the bills first then he gets his alloted amount if there is anything. Or make a compromise believe me if you want it to work and not turn into me you must compromise. Tell him to order one thing every three month and you will budget that in and save a little each month and he can get one thing so you can save for the baby. But if you cant handle it now it will be fifty times harder with the baby there and wondering if you will have diapers or bottles etc........... not to scare you or be mean but i have been there done that type thing and dont want anyone to expirience the insecurity that i have not only about money and food and shelter but about being in a faithful relationship.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    How pregnant are you?
    I think its normal, but its wise to try and keep a check on it. You ARE going through major physical, emotional, hormonal changes. Hes not going through it in the same way. It sounds like hes taking his responsibilities seriously though. It might be worth talking to your midwife about your feelings, or your mum, or calling in the support of your female friends at this time
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Shelby thanks for your reply and I'm really sorry to hear what you're going through but I know I'm with a good guy and he'll be a great dad.

    We have spoken about money and he recognises that his gaming is gonna come to an abrupt end once baby is here. But he is also very much looking forward to his 2 week paternity leave and saving up holiday time from work for when the baby arrives.

    SCC I'm 28 weeks next Thursday. I'm seeing my MW next Wednesday so will let her know about my scary night of overwhelming 'angry'. Im hoping it was a one off incident. She has a record that I've suffered from depression in the past tho and is pretty supportive.
  • Indrid ColdIndrid Cold Posts: 16,688 Skive's The Limit
    I don't know what to say really but *hug*
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    thanks yorghos *hug*

    i'm feeling a lot, lot better now.
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