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Would this bother you?
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
Basically, I've been having a lot of issues with my boyfriend recently, and I've come here to ask for a second opinion over whether or not I'm being reasonable in finding this a little bit unsettling. Since I suffer from anxiety/paranoia and have an overwhelming fear of losing the people I love, little things do quite often get to me a lot more than they should do, but this is something that's been bothering me for a while now, so I'm starting to wonder whether actually, it might not just be my anxiety, and this could actually be a cause for concern.
There are a number of different things which are bothering me, but I'll just give the main ones. Me and my boyfriend have been in a relationship for over a year, and I do trust him, but the way he's been acting recently seems kind of weird. He keeps making jokes about being gay, announcing on Facebook that from now on, he plans to be everyone's 'gay best friend', and he obviously thinks that this isn't at all disregarding towards me, but it does make me feel a little uneasy.
He also half-jokingly flirts with other guys a lot, talking about wanting to have sex with them and things like that. We have a mutual friend who he does this with a lot, and he frequently says that if he wasn't with me, he'd definitely want to be in a relationship with this other person. He admitted a while ago that he even used to have a crush on him a few months ago, but never told me because he thought it didn't matter, and he does say that he doesn't feel that way anymore and he thinks it was just confusion.
Another thing is how he acts with me in public and when he's around his friends, he'll often be making sexist jokes with them and completely ignoring me, and sometimes it seems as though he's ashamed to be seen with me in public, like he'll say he feels awkward about hugging me or holding my hand. The thing is, when we're alone together, he's the most amazingly romantic and sweet guy ever, he'll be all over me, kissing and hugging me.
So... is it just me, or would some of these things bother anyone else too? I just really need to know if these fears and concerns are rationalised or not.
There are a number of different things which are bothering me, but I'll just give the main ones. Me and my boyfriend have been in a relationship for over a year, and I do trust him, but the way he's been acting recently seems kind of weird. He keeps making jokes about being gay, announcing on Facebook that from now on, he plans to be everyone's 'gay best friend', and he obviously thinks that this isn't at all disregarding towards me, but it does make me feel a little uneasy.
He also half-jokingly flirts with other guys a lot, talking about wanting to have sex with them and things like that. We have a mutual friend who he does this with a lot, and he frequently says that if he wasn't with me, he'd definitely want to be in a relationship with this other person. He admitted a while ago that he even used to have a crush on him a few months ago, but never told me because he thought it didn't matter, and he does say that he doesn't feel that way anymore and he thinks it was just confusion.
Another thing is how he acts with me in public and when he's around his friends, he'll often be making sexist jokes with them and completely ignoring me, and sometimes it seems as though he's ashamed to be seen with me in public, like he'll say he feels awkward about hugging me or holding my hand. The thing is, when we're alone together, he's the most amazingly romantic and sweet guy ever, he'll be all over me, kissing and hugging me.
So... is it just me, or would some of these things bother anyone else too? I just really need to know if these fears and concerns are rationalised or not.
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I didnt think it was that bad til you got down to the not wanting to hug/hold hands in public. But then again some guys are just like that. Have you discussed any of this with him?
Thank you for replying though, all of you. It does help quite a bit to know that I'm not being totally irrational, I just have no idea what to do about it now.
If he is gay, maybe he is still confused and thinks joking about it would help, or that if anyone says he is, he can say he was pretending to be- to save face. He might even be Bisexual, so he could be very much in love with you, but if you ever broke up might start seeing boys as well as girls.
Of course he could be just messing about, no matter how mature you are you can still have immature moments, and being a 15/ 16 year old boy I think there is a strong possibility of immature behavior.
I personally would have a talk to see where I stand. xx
It seems like this is something that has been bothering you for a while and you are completely allowed to feel this way.
The way you describe his behaviour towards other men can be confusing. Perhaps he is Bi-curious and is not sure how to react or how to tell you.
Sometimes the behaviour of our partners are hard to understand, and sometimes they might have reasons for them. Have you asked him why he's been saying all these things or acting this way?This is clearly something that has become important to you so it could help to talk to him about this and try to understand his actions. Have a look at our article on Communicating as a couple.
Good luck and let us know you it goes *hug*