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Ex-girlfriend trouble...HELP!
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
Hey guys,
I'm a 22 year old college male who dated a girl for 2 and half years. We've been split for 2 years, but I still have day to day turmoil with what happened. As of lately, my ex had become more frequent with messaging and was even throwing out some mixed messages. Examples go from going into to deep detail about an event from our past to admitting that she had the best time of her life with me (she's in a relationship). She's dating a guy who, I believe, was her safety net when things were going south with us and she was the guy she started being with a few months after we split (rebound). With all of these messages lately, I chose to tell her that we shouldn't really communicate unless she's single because it would put me in the spot that her current bf was in when we were dating..which I absolutely despise. I have that mentality with more than just her..but that's another story. I'm wondering where I should go from here..I'm completely lost and torn down since she seems to be frequenting my mind and my subconscious. I really have a strong gut feeling that something is still there and that something could really be revived..but I don't know how to approach this situation. Do I start up conversation again? (it's been about 2 weeks) Or do I just hold the no contact rule and hope that she shows up again? Any advice is appreciated! Thanks guys!
I'm a 22 year old college male who dated a girl for 2 and half years. We've been split for 2 years, but I still have day to day turmoil with what happened. As of lately, my ex had become more frequent with messaging and was even throwing out some mixed messages. Examples go from going into to deep detail about an event from our past to admitting that she had the best time of her life with me (she's in a relationship). She's dating a guy who, I believe, was her safety net when things were going south with us and she was the guy she started being with a few months after we split (rebound). With all of these messages lately, I chose to tell her that we shouldn't really communicate unless she's single because it would put me in the spot that her current bf was in when we were dating..which I absolutely despise. I have that mentality with more than just her..but that's another story. I'm wondering where I should go from here..I'm completely lost and torn down since she seems to be frequenting my mind and my subconscious. I really have a strong gut feeling that something is still there and that something could really be revived..but I don't know how to approach this situation. Do I start up conversation again? (it's been about 2 weeks) Or do I just hold the no contact rule and hope that she shows up again? Any advice is appreciated! Thanks guys!
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Can you really trust this woman if she is messaging you in the way she is when she has a bf? Would you really want to be her rebound?
I believe that we "went south" because of the inclination of stress that we were both undergoing. She has a very high work ethic and school is huge for her, so she was devoting a ton of time to her schoolwork. I was going through the same thing, but I've had some rough relationships in the past (multiple girls have cheated on me), so I feel like my underlying problem was being insecure. So, in a nutshell..stress just created a problem for us because we both were leaving home for the first time and we ended up having stupid, minuscule arguments. I'm more than willing to go ahead and try again with her because I know she's a great girl. She has high morals, is intelligent, fun, etc. (I could go on and on) In my mind, she never got the chance to actually experience the break up because she went to this guy in a short period of time. At the end of my "no-contact" message, I emphasized that if she were to become single again..I would really like to sit down and get to know eachother again. I really mean that and she agreed with me.
Yet it sounds as if things didnt work out and she ran off to the nearest thing she could, did she get with this guy really quickly or were there things going on whilst you two were still an item?
Welcome to the boards :wave:
Seems like from your post that you miss your ex and feel like you have grown as a person in the last 2 years, making you want to give this relationship another go.
Considering you have been in contact lately, could this be something you could talk to her about? You say you were getting mixed messages, but has she given you reason to believe she might be interested in rekindling things?
You have said clearly that you don't want to get in between her and her boyfriend, as this seems to have been something you have experienced, and good on you for having that respect. However could this "waiting" be stopping you from moving on?
It seems like you have a couple of choices; Talking to her about how you feel and getting an idea as to whether she is interested (which could eventually give you some kind of closure_ - Or like you say, let her go and see if she comes to you. Staying mates with your ex can sometimes be tricky!
Good luck and keep us updated
You also say that on 5 or so occasions in recent times you have randomly encountered her, what about the 50 million times where you have not?