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  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I don't actually like the name "support"- as you say, managing expectations is important and it does imply that the chat is more than peer discussion. That would encourage people to talk about serious mental health problems that probably aren't appropriate for the medium.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Agree with Arctic tbh. I liked chat when you'd get in there, have quite a bit of banter with people, get to know each other better as then occasionally someone might say 'look guys, been having a few problems - mind if I share?' We'd talk through that and then move back to some probably either light-hearted stuff or one of the worlds deep philosophical questions ;) I can't explain it without sounding like a bitch but sometimes people come in and almost demand help - like it's their right to receive 1 to 1 attention, and get in a humpf if people are maybe focusing on something else / even miss one line of what they've said.

    And I'm not sure if calling the chats support chats helps all this.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I don't actually like the name "support"- as you say, managing expectations is important and it does imply that the chat is more than peer discussion. That would encourage people to talk about serious mental health problems that probably aren't appropriate for the medium.
    I agree with this.

    I think it is appropriate to talk about how to solve a real life problem in real life ways e.g. I'm struggling with self harm these days, I was thinking of going to a doctor, what is that like to see a doctor for this? Rather than specfically dealing with urges which is very triggering e.g. I want to cut my xxx open now, I'd love to see the blood, so and so has upset me, right that's it I'm going to self harm (insert method here). It should be support around getting support in real life or from the Samaritans etc rather than the chat actually providing the support if that makes sense.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Yea I think you guys have hit on an important point that none of us are professionals and we can't really / shouldn't really be expected to replace one when someone is at crisis point for SH or suicide.

    I mean whenever I have problems I do get support, but it's normally just me moping about relationship stuff. You know, every day normal issues that affect everyone. And there's plenty of those kinds of questions that fly about which in general chat are kinda avoided.

    One group I've been involved with does have two chat rooms: one is general / chat where you can chat about anything (including moping about your life), and one is specifically support, which has no 'banter', so it's extremely focused and I think that helps. I would say the downside if any is the support room is often veerrry quiet, but thesite has trained mods who can pick up the slack.

    I would say honestly it doesn't seem clear cut even for the mods where the line stands and whether we are trying to offer mental health support almost like a support / counselling group, or whether the 'support' is more general and we will be here to chat and listen but ultimately we can't provide the answers to all problems.
  • **helen****helen** Deactivated Posts: 9,235 Supreme Poster
    Randomgirl wrote: »
    It should be support around getting support in real life or from the Samaritans etc rather than the chat actually providing the support if that makes sense.

    You've pretty much summed up what we as mods see as one of TheSite's main reasons for existing. :)
  • **helen****helen** Deactivated Posts: 9,235 Supreme Poster
    ShyBoy wrote: »
    I would say honestly it doesn't seem clear cut even for the mods where the line stands and whether we are trying to offer mental health support almost like a support / counselling group, or whether the 'support' is more general and we will be here to chat and listen but ultimately we can't provide the answers to all problems.

    Really enjoying your analysis Shyboy, you're providing a really balanced perspective. This point above is particularly useful for us.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    **helen** wrote: »
    Really enjoying your analysis Shyboy, you're providing a really balanced perspective. This point above is particularly useful for us.

    Missed you
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I think Randomgirl summed up what I'm trying to say. Part of any community is having a safe space to vent when life is shit. That's the function of the chat. What deeply concerns me- as someone who has had and continues to have mental health difficulties- is the way the boundaries are very unclear. This encourages people to push the limits in exactly the way that Randomgirl has said. I can think of specific examples but won't bring them up here.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Is it possible that the chats could be designated topically - I.e. have a sex & relationship discussion/a well being chat/etc on different days so that people can get support when they need it and it can be specific. Or have two rooms going on at the same time with a mod in each? There were lots of suggestions made in the focus group today about chats.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I pretty much agree with what arctic, kaffiyeh and RG have been saying.

    I used to be a relative chat regular and the change over the last 6 months ago has really put me off. The advent of the split between support chats and other chats helped a bit, but on a personal level the timings don't work for me. The early session is when lots of life is busy, and thus not around for - then when bored and lonely later in the evenings it's support chat which generally just crushes my soul.

    Managing expectations is one key thing, support chat really doesn't feel like the right name for what thesite does ( at least in my understanding) much if what's been talked about in the support chats I've been in is definitely in the remit of childlike/beat/ Samaritans rather than a community.

    Personally I'd be happier to see the split between "support" and regular swing much mote the other way,with the majority being regular with a weekly support thrown in to help signpost people who need more 1:1 to the right places rather than becoming dependant on a community that can't really provide what's needed. To me it feels the current set up has a bit of a vicious circle effect, you get the same people in, with the same ( serious) mental health issues that to me seem to be in the wrong place. The frequency of support chars means it works for them as a support system and the conversation constantly being centred on " I'm more depressed and my life is shitter than yours" drives other people out who might have oreviosly helped provide distraction.

    Chat used to offer a mix of assassinating this weeks x factor, advice on how to ask someone out and exactly what to wear on the date, quick suppers based in a persons current fridge contents, distraction techniques for someone having a rubbish day and help with maths homework.

    It's not really the answer, but somehow that mix has gone and I think it's a major loss.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Agree with SM, especially
    Personally I'd be happier to see the split between "support" and regular swing much mote the other way,with the majority being regular with a weekly support thrown in to help signpost people who need more 1:1 to the right places rather than becoming dependant on a community that can't really provide what's needed
    .
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Randomgirl wrote: »
    It should be support around getting support in real life or from the Samaritans etc rather than the chat actually providing the support if that makes sense.

    Agreed. I hope Helen won't mind me saying that the moderators are encouraged to signpost to sources of support and information and not to try and offer any sort of counselling-style support ourselves. This is different to other websites people may use, of course.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    The line seems to be a bit more vague with some mods more than others though.
  • **helen****helen** Deactivated Posts: 9,235 Supreme Poster
    piccolo wrote: »
    Agreed. I hope Helen won't mind me saying that the moderators are encouraged to signpost to sources of support and information and not to try and offer any sort of counselling-style support ourselves. This is different to other websites people may use, of course.

    Don't mind at all - what you say is accurate. I guess it's also worth noting (to give the whole picture) that mods are encouraged and given guidance on how to provide emotional support in terms of recognition and empathy, but this isn't counselling and just like anywhere on TheSite - we're not telling people what to do or in any way trying to replace experts in a specific field, we're encouraging people to consider their options.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I think it is clear enough that thesite chats are there to help facilitate support rather than provide answers and solutions to the issues that people may encounter. It is the best way to be I think, after all it would take so many resources in terms of cost and peoples time to provide a completely universal solution. By sign posting towards support, thesite (and the MODs who donate their free time) can actively maximise the resources they have to the best effect.
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