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And I'm not sure if calling the chats support chats helps all this.
I think it is appropriate to talk about how to solve a real life problem in real life ways e.g. I'm struggling with self harm these days, I was thinking of going to a doctor, what is that like to see a doctor for this? Rather than specfically dealing with urges which is very triggering e.g. I want to cut my xxx open now, I'd love to see the blood, so and so has upset me, right that's it I'm going to self harm (insert method here). It should be support around getting support in real life or from the Samaritans etc rather than the chat actually providing the support if that makes sense.
I mean whenever I have problems I do get support, but it's normally just me moping about relationship stuff. You know, every day normal issues that affect everyone. And there's plenty of those kinds of questions that fly about which in general chat are kinda avoided.
One group I've been involved with does have two chat rooms: one is general / chat where you can chat about anything (including moping about your life), and one is specifically support, which has no 'banter', so it's extremely focused and I think that helps. I would say the downside if any is the support room is often veerrry quiet, but thesite has trained mods who can pick up the slack.
I would say honestly it doesn't seem clear cut even for the mods where the line stands and whether we are trying to offer mental health support almost like a support / counselling group, or whether the 'support' is more general and we will be here to chat and listen but ultimately we can't provide the answers to all problems.
You've pretty much summed up what we as mods see as one of TheSite's main reasons for existing.
Really enjoying your analysis Shyboy, you're providing a really balanced perspective. This point above is particularly useful for us.
Missed you
I used to be a relative chat regular and the change over the last 6 months ago has really put me off. The advent of the split between support chats and other chats helped a bit, but on a personal level the timings don't work for me. The early session is when lots of life is busy, and thus not around for - then when bored and lonely later in the evenings it's support chat which generally just crushes my soul.
Managing expectations is one key thing, support chat really doesn't feel like the right name for what thesite does ( at least in my understanding) much if what's been talked about in the support chats I've been in is definitely in the remit of childlike/beat/ Samaritans rather than a community.
Personally I'd be happier to see the split between "support" and regular swing much mote the other way,with the majority being regular with a weekly support thrown in to help signpost people who need more 1:1 to the right places rather than becoming dependant on a community that can't really provide what's needed. To me it feels the current set up has a bit of a vicious circle effect, you get the same people in, with the same ( serious) mental health issues that to me seem to be in the wrong place. The frequency of support chars means it works for them as a support system and the conversation constantly being centred on " I'm more depressed and my life is shitter than yours" drives other people out who might have oreviosly helped provide distraction.
Chat used to offer a mix of assassinating this weeks x factor, advice on how to ask someone out and exactly what to wear on the date, quick suppers based in a persons current fridge contents, distraction techniques for someone having a rubbish day and help with maths homework.
It's not really the answer, but somehow that mix has gone and I think it's a major loss.
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Agreed. I hope Helen won't mind me saying that the moderators are encouraged to signpost to sources of support and information and not to try and offer any sort of counselling-style support ourselves. This is different to other websites people may use, of course.
Don't mind at all - what you say is accurate. I guess it's also worth noting (to give the whole picture) that mods are encouraged and given guidance on how to provide emotional support in terms of recognition and empathy, but this isn't counselling and just like anywhere on TheSite - we're not telling people what to do or in any way trying to replace experts in a specific field, we're encouraging people to consider their options.