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Would it be a bad idea to lie/pretend?

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
Ok so a few months ago I started falling for a friend of mine, we've known eachother for a good few years and have always got on well but one night something changed and I started to see her differently. I ramped up our contact and flirting and she seemed to respond quite well and I've got to know her much better and my feelings got stronger.

To cut to the chase I eventually told her how I felt and she was surprised but not displeased, however she isn't as over her ex as I'd hoped and doesnt feel ready or able to persue a new relationship. This is fair enough and I don't want to push her at all. We both admit there is chemistry there as well as attraction and enjoyment of each others company. Her words were there is a chance just not now. We kinda carried on as before and while we were were getting on really well things have been a bit awkward at times, I realised that my feelings were growing stronger and while I'm not saying I'm in love yet, I can easily see myself loving her.

So I told her I needed to back off for a while and cut down on the texting she understood where I was coming from and accepted my decision. My dilema is this, I don't really see myself getting over this anytime soon, also I am unable and unwilling to cut her out of my life, even for the time being. So when I have my feelings back a bit more under control what do I say to her? Do I say It didn't work I'm still really into you, or do I pretend that I'm over it so that things can get back to normal and the strain can be taken off our friendship?

Normally I would say the truth but would a white lie be so bad in this circumstance? Who knows maybe with things back to normal things might happen in their own time naturally.

Comments

  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Hi there A-sense-of-purpose,

    Welcome to the boards :wave:

    Well done for being brave enough to open up about your feelings towards your friend, these things can be very daunting, and sometimes don't go the way you want it to.

    However in your case, it seems like she does feel the same for you - which is really good news :yes: but for now, she still needs time to get over her ex.
    My dilema is this, I don't really see myself getting over this anytime soon, also I am unable and unwilling to cut her out of my life, even for the time being. So when I have my feelings back a bit more under control what do I say to her? Do I say It didn't work I'm still really into you, or do I pretend that I'm over it so that things can get back to normal and the strain can be taken off our friendship?

    So there seems to be two main choices: Either you're honest with her and tell her time apart is hard and you would prefer staying in contact as you still really like her - Or, you hide your feelings and say you just want to be friends.

    The decision is down to you - which one feels more right? Do you think you could be honest with her? Perhaps talking to her about what kind of balance you two can work out during this "limbo" period could help? She might also be confused - and seems like she doesn't want to hurt you or lose you either.

    Do let us know how you get on :)
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Well last night I got amazingly drunk and massively pissed her off, I can't remember what I said or did but I do remember her storming off and slamming a taxi door in my face. I really really hate alcohol! I think she was annoyed that I brought it all up and spoilt the night I don't think I tried it on with her. I've apologised via text but she won't let me apologise in person or over hte phone. I guess I just gotta let her cool off a bit. I really hope I've not F'd up our friendship!
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