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Could I be Developing Bipolar?

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
I've always had cycles of depression and the odd cycles of being really happy and times of being normal... And whilst it has made things like relationships very difficult, only recently, has it been disabling...

I go through phases of being incredibly happy, my senses feel stronger, my thoughts bounce around my head like pinball and I feel like a fricken genius! In these happy phases, I'm a charmer, I do things like sign myself up for half marathons, I take on commitments I can't keep when I sink and sometimes I talk fast and conversation bounces around. Sometimes I get a lot of these symptoms, but can be angry or depressed...

I mostly get low cycles... Losing interest, withdrawing, feeling suicidal, sleeping loads... Often for no reason... I mean... I'm a level headed and rational woman, but I just wanna hide...

I used to think it was SAD, but I've been fine some winters. I had a really bad crash where I had to take time off work (I'm normally ok at my job). A psychiatrist gave me Sertraline/Zoloft and I think it's taken the edge off (though I had a few days of racing thoughts and being super talkative, even to strangers at the polling station).

My Mum had an old report from ten years ago... It said I have symptoms of cyclothymia and if they get worse, I need to seek medical help. My grandfather and his brother on my Mum's side were suspected to have bipolar... Great grandfather killed himself.

What do people think, or am I thinking too deep?

Either way, I'm determined not to have it hold me back (I struggle with relationships and have to withdraw a lot, but otherwise live ok), but wondering what to do if I get worse.

Comments

  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Forgot to add.. I had this crazy high period in September, but it may have been triggered by dating, or may be unrelated, but I was sleeping about 4 hours a night.

    For a period in January (I was OK in February) and early March, I was in bed at 7pm... And mid March I just crashed. I haven't been able to not manage my illness before. :( I feel it's getting more extreme.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Hi Namaste

    Thanks for posting. The experiences you've had especially over the last few months sound like they have been tough.

    Obviously, something as serious as bi-polar can only be 'diagnosed' as such by a medical profession, but I think the important thing here is that your not feeling right within yourself. Clearly you have a lot of insight into what you've been experiencing and know your body/mind best.

    I would recommend going back to your doctor and explaining what's been going on over the last few months and see what they have to say.

    The BBC website has a lot more info on Bi-polar disorder for those that might be interested in taking a look. It talks about causes of, diagnosis and treatment. For example, see below for what they describe as Bipolar..
    Bipolar (also known as manic depression) causes severe mood swings, that usually last several weeks or months and can be:

    Low mood, intense depression and despair.
    High or ‘manic’ feelings of joy, over-activity and loss of inhibitions.
    A 'mixed state' such as a depressed mood with the restlessness and over-activity of a manic episode.

    http://www.bbc.co.uk/health/emotional_health/mental_health/disorders_bipolar.shtml

    I know that in itself doesn't answer your question, but speaking to your doctor will be the best place to start.

    Phil :thumb:
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I think the problem with these kind of mental illnesses is the difference can be subtle and the diagnosises are quite strict. I was diagnosed with rapid cycling mild bi polar but then the last psych I saw deemed me near enough fit and healthy because I'm high-functioning/aware of my illness and have been in a good place mentally for about 9 months.
    I think its worth looking into if you think having the diagnosis would help, but if not I would work on treating the triggers and behaviours instead.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    you probably already know all about the symptoms of bipolar and it is a pretty heavy diagnosis to have and isn't usually given lightly. there are different subtypes and the diagnosis you are given is based on the most recent episode (i.e. whether it was manic, hypomanic, depressive or mixed). it might be a good idea to try to draw a graph of your mood cycles (perhaps a simplified version of something like this: http://www.cqaimh.org/pdf/tool_edu_moodchart.pdf) so that you can see any patterns in them and so that you can have something to show a doctor if you choose to see one. it's the kind of thing they would probably ask you to do anyway so it would save some time. the sertraline obviously helps to lift your mood but won't be much help with mania, you'd need a mood stabiliser/anti-psychotic. bipolar disorder is completely biological so if you were to receive a diagnosis you would almost certainly be treated with meds although they should offer some form of therapy too.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I have a psychiatrist appointment on 10th July, so hopefully I'll have somebody to talk to. I wanna move off the meds I'm on, as they've made my moods more bouncy...

    Last week, my mind was racing like fuck, I was a genius in work and management commented on how good my ideas were... But it got like, too much. I started to get irritable and frustrated.... I had no apptetite and was sleeping about 5 hours per night...

    The beginning of the weekend, I had calmed down and got my appetite back... Well... I mean I became a bit of a recluse and lost interest in everything. I'm having a few thoughts of self-harm and am just feeling down in myself. The last two days, I've gone home from work early to rest... I'm just so tired and know that when I'm like this...

    It's like I'm different people. When I feel 'normal', I kinda think I'm fine and not ill and have overcome it... But it keeps coming back and it's getting now, to the point where it is interfering significantly with my life...

    Thing is... I don't wanna take a day off, go to the doctor, then be treated like I'm an idiot, or wasting their time because some people are worse off. I don't self-harm (often) and I haven't attempted suicide in years.... But I just wanna be able to feel like I can have relationships, have a career and live a normal life.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I'm Dysphoric and I go through rare feelings where I feel normal and most of the time I feel really depressed that I sit in a room shaking and hitting myself but it's due to me being trans and the fact that society call me a boy. What I'm trying to say is something may be the cause of your depression and so you should find it out before trying to fix things.
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