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Getting my mother to leave
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
The relationship between me and my mother has not been fantastic since I before I left home at 15. We moved back together coming up to 2 years ago because we both had health issues and needed the mutual support. Since moving to this new house (which has been pretty hard considering the problems with state of repair of it and our arsey landlord) she has been increasingly difficult to live with. We now share the house with my best friend who is very clean and tidy and pays most of her bills etc on time (unlike my mother who owes me 2 months worth of bills and 1 months rent and thats just for starters). She hardly speaks to me unless its to either have a go at me, ask me to do something or to apologise for something she'll go and do again a few hours later. Its having a huge affect on my mental health and the general atmosphere in the house.
She's been saying for months that she doesn't want to stay here, but sees me as incapable of looking after myself and thus she has to stay. Yes I do need support, but I'd rather get it from other sources or go without and have my mental health recover rather than be put down constantly and made to live how she wants and not how I want. Its a joint tenancy so she could leave and my housemate would just take her place on the agreement (my landlord has now agreed to have her on the agreement anyway, so it would just be a straight swap). But I don't know how I can ask her to leave without it getting hugely heated. I'm getting so angry with the whole situation that I've started self harming rather than breaking stuff, and my housemate is being really badly affected by the situation, she has said to me that either she goes or my mother does. I get so much more support from my housemate (who has also beena good friend for more than 12 years) than I do from my mother.
So how can I ask her to leave without blowing my top and screaming in her face until I'm blue? She's getting drunk almost every evening and just turning living here into a nightmare that I can't cope with.
She's been saying for months that she doesn't want to stay here, but sees me as incapable of looking after myself and thus she has to stay. Yes I do need support, but I'd rather get it from other sources or go without and have my mental health recover rather than be put down constantly and made to live how she wants and not how I want. Its a joint tenancy so she could leave and my housemate would just take her place on the agreement (my landlord has now agreed to have her on the agreement anyway, so it would just be a straight swap). But I don't know how I can ask her to leave without it getting hugely heated. I'm getting so angry with the whole situation that I've started self harming rather than breaking stuff, and my housemate is being really badly affected by the situation, she has said to me that either she goes or my mother does. I get so much more support from my housemate (who has also beena good friend for more than 12 years) than I do from my mother.
So how can I ask her to leave without blowing my top and screaming in her face until I'm blue? She's getting drunk almost every evening and just turning living here into a nightmare that I can't cope with.
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Comments
Have a date worked out that gives her reasonable time in which to move out. Quite frankly it sounds like one of the best ideas you've come up with for quite a while. You'll probably have to accept that it will get heated as she's unlikely to take it well, but be prepared to stand your ground.
I'm really torn about all of it, because at the end of the day she still is my mother. But everyone has been agreeing with me that this is the best thing to do. I need to work it all out and talk to my housemate about it so we can do it together because it is a joint decision.
There's a simple way to deal with violence.........
It sounds like it has been a very stressful time for you at home just lately, but you seem to have made some very positive decisions in that time and are making the steps towards a better future, so good for you! :yippe:
I really hope you and your housemate find somewhere nice to live soon and perhaps some time away from your mother may actually improve your relationship with her. It's important that you have noticed how your relationship affects your mental health and it sounds like some time apart may be good for you. It could also help your mother to re-evaluate her own life as well and you can still be there to support each other without the intensity of living together.
I hope everything works out. Let us know how you get on!
I feel like not talking to her once all the house stuff, but then I'll have no parents. But she is so damaging to my state of mind...
What do I do?