If you need urgent support, call 999 or go to your nearest A&E. To contact our Crisis Messenger (open 24/7) text THEMIX to 85258.
Long distance friendships
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
Hi,
This is just something I would like to discuss.
Don't know if people out there are in the position where they know a lot of people who don't live close to them, but how do you keep the friendships alive ?
Is it possible from your experience to keep a long distance friendship going despite the obstacle of miles between you ?
Personally I think it's a challenge.
Over the last few years things have inevitably changed a lot - leaving university, people starting their careers.
Unfortunately I think that it's inevitable that I'll lose touch with a percentage of the long-distance people - it's pretty tricky to keep up with them - I guess they are very busy with new jobs/new lives and they don't have much time.
Or then again have people found that they have been able to have long term friendships despite distance ?
Also is it normal for there not to be that much contact in long distance friendships ? What I've always found as a general rule is that you hear from local people, but not those further away. I don't think I have very high expectations as people are quite far away. Maybe it's just like that, but if you are able to meet up things would go well and it's just that people are leading separate lives.
This is just something I would like to discuss.
Don't know if people out there are in the position where they know a lot of people who don't live close to them, but how do you keep the friendships alive ?
Is it possible from your experience to keep a long distance friendship going despite the obstacle of miles between you ?
Personally I think it's a challenge.
Over the last few years things have inevitably changed a lot - leaving university, people starting their careers.
Unfortunately I think that it's inevitable that I'll lose touch with a percentage of the long-distance people - it's pretty tricky to keep up with them - I guess they are very busy with new jobs/new lives and they don't have much time.
Or then again have people found that they have been able to have long term friendships despite distance ?
Also is it normal for there not to be that much contact in long distance friendships ? What I've always found as a general rule is that you hear from local people, but not those further away. I don't think I have very high expectations as people are quite far away. Maybe it's just like that, but if you are able to meet up things would go well and it's just that people are leading separate lives.
0
Comments
As for my long distance friends, we dont stay in contact that often but i know thats because of time etc, and as you say, leading seperate lives. I still know though that we remain close and good friends.
Its just a case of making more effort. When my 'original' friends are home for the weekend to see their parents they let us know and we meet up for a drink or a night out, and i have another uni friend who i occassionally text and chat to.
I think it is possible to keep long distance friendships going. Like i say, just because we dont speak 24/7 i know that the friendship is still there.
Regarding long distance relationships. I went off them, because I had a couple go wrong and it's just too emotional taxing for me. If you have been with your partner in a relationship for some time and then he or she is gone for a couple of months it's no biggie, but starting to "go out" with someone who lives a couple hours of plane flight away became a unwise concept to me. There are so many people in your own country and/or city and you pass up on all of them, by holding a promise to someone you basically never see.
Like StrubbleS said long distance relationships are a different ballgame, but you can still use the same techniques. It works better if you can still see each other at least a couple of times a month - i.e. live a few hours drive away rather than in a different country - I did that too, and that was very hard!
Is the reason I don't hear from them because of the distance/time constraints ? How is it best to view the nature of one sided contact in quite a few instances ie I contact or attempt to contact them and they don't contact me.
Or should there be more balance in terms of who keeps in touch with whom ?
How do you know if a friendship is over ? That's a question I need to ask as it's not immediately obvious to me when a friendship is over or not. With some people when I've messaged them and consistently got no reply I thought that meant it was over or if they have deleted me off facebook I've taken that as an ominous sign.
It's easy to overanalyse things, especially if your friends are also shy. Sodbaby's Godmother is like that, never stating she's wanting anything but making "random" holiday trips to places like Bradford. Equally im not alwaysbrilliant at contact, there's one good friend I speak to about every nine months as were both as hopeless as each other. Crucially the conversation picks up exactly from where it left off.
I don't think friendships "end" that often, so much as gradually get leas close until little binds anymore. If you're not getting replies to emails that's a good sign contact has gone, although don't look at Facebook in isolation. I delete my account every so often, when I'm bored, but that doesn't mean anything about people on that website.
So if there's a lack of contact it could just be down to their busy lives I suppose or that they are bad at contacting others.
If however, people aren't replying that's possibly a sign that things may be ceasing.
I possibly overanalyse, but I don't find it easy to think about these things.
The way I see it these days, there are so many different methods of communication it is easier to have long distance friendships - they just become a different kind of friendship.
I have fears that I may lose a number of long distance friends - I haven't seen many for ages, but it's more the fact that I put the effort in and they don't that gives me doubts. Or is it just the distance factor that is responsible for the general lack of contact - I get contact from local friends, just not the long distance ones really.