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Never Enough

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
Hey lovely people :wave:

This is about my relationship with my sister. Let me explain abit about the situation...


I've seen her today. The last time i saw her was several months ago. I think last year for a family birthday. On that day was the first time i had seen her for many years (2 1/2- 3 years.) I felt so great that i had my older sister back in my life.

She stopped talking to me shortly after me going into care due to "how i treated mum" during this time and because of my self-harming was out-of-control then. Back then i learnt that i could 'get over her.' When we lived together as children i guess we were close as siblings go. She spent more time with my brother as he is very close to her in age.

I feel as a person i am very loyal and would have done anything for her. My sister is extremely selfish. Some family agree. This isn't to sound nasty, it's just the way she is. I don't know if there is a reason why but she's always been this way.

As some of you may know, recently it was my birthday. I didn't expect anything from anyone for that matter but when i saw her today she didn't even ask how my birthday went or what i got up to. If it doesnt directly affect her, she's not interested.
I feel so small right now. She made very little effort conversing with me and to be honest, i found her real hard work. I really hope this doesn't come across spiteful because i'm not trying to be. I just want to be upfront about it.

She told me i " should get a job." I explained to her that currently i'm doing voluntry work, unpaid though right now i'm not able to work due to health reasons and i feel she should accept that. I know that i have some exciting things coming up with placement and hopefully i'll get into college to re-do what i tried to accomplish before i was sectioned last year. I just feel i am constantly having to justify myself to people though mainly to my sister.

I always come away from seeing her, so low. I feel so worthless.
It also pissed me off how she doesn't pay for anything. When we went for lunch she got her BF to pay for her food and drinks. Though she has the money to buy a new outfit yesterday??? I mean, she could have said, "sorry i wasn't around for your birthday, let me get this." It isn't about expecting anything, more of a case of her offering out of politeness.

Is this relationship i should try to hang onto or should i just stop making so much effort? She's my sister and i care so much about her but i feel she only wants me to feel very little of myself. She doesnt want me to feel happy.

I'm a great believer that time is a healer though, for this relationship it doesnt seem to be the case. It's a more one-sided relationship.


Sorry for it being so long...help please!!

BB x

Comments

  • Starry nightStarry night Incredible Poster Posts: 674
    I feel really bad for you. You are right, she is being selfish, she could have asked about you, that is general conversation. However, I can't but get the impression that she is hiding. People can hold back, not give too much, so that they don't get hurt. Perhaps she cares for you, really cares for you, perhaps she feels that being involved in your life would be bad for you considering how you are feeling and what you are coping with. People can put up very confusing defences-that's all I can think. Nevertheless, it's not the best one, it's bloody cruel in some ways. Everything else, they're her faults, can't change that, tell her, get them out in the open and feel honest or keep quiet to avoid arguments.
    What I would advise is just to keep going. Sounds really difficult I know. But, if you make a massive effort, you will become closer as her suspicion and apprehension slowly comes away. Or, it won't happen, and you will be pefectly justified in saying taht it is one sided-you'll have all the evidence. Either way, you made a big effort, you are being the brave person. Soory if this sounds pretensious, or nonsense, but that's the feeling I got. Hope things work out well for you *hug*
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    People can put up very confusing defences-that's all I can think. Nevertheless, it's not the best one
    What I would advise is just to keep going. Sounds really difficult I know. But, if you make a massive effort, you will become closer as her suspicion and apprehension slowly comes away. Or, it won't happen, and you will be pefectly justified in saying taht it is one sided-you'll have all the evidence.

    Her holding up a defence would make sense. I wonder if she has got low self esteem deep down were no one can see. I just don't get why we can't be like how we were when we were younger. I know this sounds pretty niave but shes my big sister so surely she should protect me? (Am i being stupid??)

    It is really affecting me so i can't see how to face carrying on as we are. It's painful.
  • Starry nightStarry night Incredible Poster Posts: 674
    No, you are not being stupid. Remember, the change between childhood and adulthood is massive, and everything can change in that time, so many insecurities and complex emotions come from there and can affect us for the rest of our lives, that's for everyone.
    She is hiding. She is being cruel, and making it painful for you. She may have issues about feeling abandones, so often people who feel like that want to push you away, just to prove that they are right:that everyone will leave them. If you stay, and grimace, and smile, and laugh through it all-she is going to run out of ammunition eventually-what else can she say? You are being the good person, she is being cruel.
    I wouldn't be surprised if she went home and felt like crap too. Smile through it, even when you know that she can tell you feel terrible, because the people whom it is most difficult to argue with are the good ones, who carry on. You are the brave one, you can do it. She will probably try to do alot just to make you feel that crap, becuase of her insecurities (and I bet they are really horrible for her to be like this) but just keep with it. Of course, I realize this is a massive 'Easier said than done' and I am not in your situation, but I hope it helps in anyway. People will deny themselves love and happiness in so many different ways. Hope it gets better *hug*
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