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I've started self-harming again.

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
Oh boy, this is gonna be like an essay... Congrats if you read to the end, you deserve a medal :razz:
I've never been good with words, but I need some help.

In short: I've started self-harming again.

I know it's not a smart thing to do, and I know that it's a problem I should speak to someone about, but I just can't. I don't want to tell anyone, I just want to stop by myself, like I did last time, but it's so damn hard and it's worse than last time.

Now, for the not so important background info:

A couple years ago, I was depressed, and it soon got to the point where I started self-harming. I smiled and covered it up so well that my friends nor family noticed, and I still haven't told them about it.
I started self-harming when some serious bullying really got to me, I started giving myself eraser burns, hitting myself off of things deliberately in order to bruise myself, and I used a penknife to cut my arms and legs, usually my legs since they were less visible. The cuts weren't very deep, and the penknife was pretty blunt anyway..
I got over it just over a year ago, and I stopped myself from SH a little while before that.

I know that there's a hell of a lot of people that's got/have had it worse than I have, so I shouldn't be complaining really.


Lately things have been stressful and I've been feeling generally like shit pretty much everyday for around a couple of months now and I can't see a decent reason for it. A few weeks ago I just seemed break down, I ended up giving myself a large eraser burn on my leg, and since then when I get upset, angry at myself, overwhelmed, I hurt myself in some way. Usually eraser burns, and I've started cutting again.
I'm actually scared.
I don't want to go back to how it was before, but I don't know what to do, I don't even know why I'm doing it.

To me, it's a personal thing that I'd rather just cope with alone. I feel like if I told anyone, they'd either not take me seriously and think I was being silly and looking for attention, or that'd they'd be disappointed in me. I'd only be adding a burden to them anyways, so there's no point.

I don't know what to do, I usually know what I should do and how to go about doing it, but this time I'm seriously lost.

Comments

  • AuroraAurora Posts: 11,722 An Original Mixlorian
    Hello Vampenstine, :wave:

    Welcome to TheSite.org boards :wave:

    I'm glad you have reached out for help and support on here, that's very brave off you :D It's taking the first step (Telling somebody) Well Done :D I am personally very proud of you, you should be to, it takes guts to write something like this!

    Sounds like you have a lot off stress on you, but their are other ways you can cope with stress other than cutting, maybe you could look in to this? http://thesite.org/healthandwellbeing/mentalhealth/anxietyandstress/copingwithstress It's a article 'Coping with stress' and alternative things you can do to reduce stress! *hug*

    I'm glad you were able to stop self harming last time by yourself, and I know, as scary as it is, maybe it's time to reach out for help and support? How about visiting your GP, what you say to your GP stays between both off you, unless you, or somebody else's life is at risk. Here's a video about what would happen if you did visit your GP http://thesite.org/audioandvideo/video/healthandwellbeing/selfharmgpinterview Let me know what you think :) Your GP will not judge you and may be able to get you in to extra support, Another article with what to expect when visiting your GP http://thesite.org/healthandwellbeing/mentalhealth/selfharm/visitingyourdoctor

    When you do feel like harming yourself, maybe you could do something else, how about giving yourself harmless pain? Cold Showers? Rubber band? Or Ice cubes? How would you feel about that? TheSite.org also have a list off coping tips and distractions that may be useful when you feel like hurting yourself, why not check them out and give some a go, and you could always log on to here if you needed support, *hug* http://thesite.org/healthandwellbeing/mentalhealth/selfharm/copingtipsanddistractions

    Let us know how your doing, and keep us updated *hug* Here for you!

    Take care.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Hi and welcome to the boards:wave:

    Like Angel has said, very well done for coming here and telling us about it, that's the first step. And also very well done for being able to stop by yourself last time, I know how hard that is*hug*

    I know you've said you don't want to tell anyone, but your friends and family are there to help you. I know telling someone seems scary, but in my experience telling my friend was the best thing I had done. I told him by text 'cos I was too scared to say it outloud, but he was sat next to me at the time. Now I just text him when I'm feeling bad and he helps me through it.
    I understand what you mean when you say it might feel like a burden to your friends, in my experience it was different because I support my friend in the same way so it's kind of mutual, but you could still give it a go, that's just my experience.

    Also like Angel said, could you try other things like ice cubes, which cause pain but don't leave a mark afterwards?

    Let us know how you're getting on, and feel free to PM me if you want to talk*hug*

    Nina x
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Thank you for your replies, they mean a lot and have been a big help :)

    I know I need to talk to someone this time, and I'm actually considering visiting my GP, which is highly unlike me :razz: I just feel like I've let my family down somehow, and if I told my friends/boyfriend, I just feel like I'd cause them unnecessary hurt.
    I just feel like I'd be adding more drama to the family than need be. I've made a list of distractions and alternatives to self-harm, and I'm going to give that a try. It seemed to work last time, after all.
    I'd never actually heard of using rubber bands or squeezing ice cubes, so if my list ends up failing, I'll try that :razz:
    Thanks again :)
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Hi

    It's good to hear you're thinking of getting help. If you don't like the idea of visiting your GP, you could try writing everything down and giving it them rather than having to say it.

    Let us know how you get on*hug*

    Nina x
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Hello and welcome, i'm new too.

    I'm in the EXACT same position as you, you're not alone, i stopped over a year ago but now some bullying has started AGAIN and i SH again, they're not very deep but they're enough to relieve my pain. Anyway, i just want you to know whenever you need to talk, I'm here, i understand and I WON'T be disappointed in you, we can get through this :)
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Thanks for the replies :)

    Once I've decided who I'm going to talk to, I might try writing everything down, that would be a lot easier than talking xD
    I'm still torn between talking to a GP and not. I don't actually know who my GP is for a start :confused: and also getting a/going to an appointment without my parents noticing would be a bit tricky.. I'll have to research it a bit.
    I'm sorry to hear you're in the same position Roxie, we'll get though it though *hug*
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