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Stick or Twist? Dating A Single Social Mum! OPINIONS PLEASE!

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
First post, sorry if this is long winded but this is mighty important and anyone commenting needs to know the facts.

The Get Together: Meet SARAH (7 years ago) at work, when she arrived I was in a relationship with another work colleague, that relationship lasted 8 years then I decided enough was enough, the girl had become a Work Wife & I never saw her outside of those 4 walls. It ended.
SARAH and the other girls in the office we supportive and we spoke frequently of the why's, when's & who's etc.
Was single for 6 months when SARAH (a single mum to a 6 year old girl) decided to leave the company and on her last day I asked her out, she said she'd been wanting to ask me for ages but was too scared. RESULT!

The Situation: We went on a couple of dates that went well (at least she said they did?), I meet her Daughter, and we started to see each other once a week, going for meals or meeting at her house. She was hurt before and asked to take things slow so we did, we got to know each other more and time passed.
I've always had issues with the frequency at which I get to see her, she's always 'busy' but for saying the daughter is in bed by 8pm every week night that not possible but hey I really like this girl so went with it, let her set the pace.
I meet her mum, our old work colleagues (I left not long after felt getting the EX out of the way would help this new relationship flurish) found out and were chuffed for us both, all wondering what took so long clearly they'd seen something previously I had not.
We each had birthdays, got through Christmas and Valentines but still it didn't sit right only spending a couple of hours a week with her, and 'I promise' you she's wasn't using me for gifts or anything physical. Getting Physical is kind of a problem when you've only got 1 hour after Coronation Street, and usually theres a headache, although we've had food poisoning, strained wrist, colds, daughter playing up etc etc, she's always tired and she gotta be up early next morning for work and school run (you're getting the picture)

I only get her to myself for a couple of hours one night a week and as my fondness turned to something more after 6 months I expressed my frustration with the situation (Mistake? time will tell).
So one night we sat and I talked she listened, i explained (and it might sound corny to you guys) I was looking for my happily ever after, that she and her daughter both made me very happy (and I' sure she feels the same from the look in her eyes when we talk),
that she was everything I wanted and more, I understood and accepted daughter is number 1, but if this was going anywhere I need more of her.
She expressed that she didn't think she could give me what I wanted. She was just too busy seeing Friends & Family to make more time for me, and if we lived together would I expect her to be there all the while waiting for me. Well clearly at that I felt really special, I don't expect her to be there, I'd like her to want to be there sometimes etc, but I wasn't going down without a fight, I told her you can make time if you want you maybe just need to be a little creative, I left and invited her to my place for Sunday lunch.
Since that conversation we've only missed dinner on a Sunday twice, an improvement for sure, but this is 'family type time' not 'couple time'. BUT everytime I say lets hang out Saturday night she's busy and says lets do lunch, on our mid-week meeting last Bank Holiday I suggested hanging out on either Sat or Sun night with a bottle of wine and a DVD, even text her on the Saturday asked to see her one night (as no early morning school run etc) in the text it even said 'lets see if we can get up to some mischieve', take that as you want I'm not going to force anything, instead I got Sunday lunch at a pub, Sat night (she played online games) Sun night (she watched TV with mum), really busy!

SO IN SUMMARY (coming upto 10 months now):
60% of time spent is dinner dates
40% of time spent is TV Soap Night Dates (I hate soaps)
85% of time includes the Daughter
4 nights out in total WITHOUT Child (2 in the first week of dating)
When she gets a Babysitter she goes out with Friends
Friday & Saturday Nights appears to be Mother/Daughter Nights
NO chance of anything more than a Kiss, Cuddle and the occassional wandering hand

AM I BEING USED?
Crossed my mind once or twice, you know gets her family and friends off her back for not dating, maybe if/when this ends it buys her a few more years of silence.
BUT honestly shhe doesn't strike me as that type of person, I feel bad that it even crossed my mind, but hey when you think about someone 24/7 and see them for about 6hours a week, the minds gonna do some strange things.

Is she scared to let me in? for fear of getting hurt
Why let me get involved with the Daughter? if it ends surely she'll get hurt too!

I'll put it out there I am nuts about this girl and truthfully have been for a long time, I only have to think of her smile and it brightens the darkest day, but worse than that I've taken to her daughter, we laugh, joke, play games etc etc, I really could imaginea future there, it really is perfect, there's just not enough of it!

I'm 30 now and times a ticking for me, I always wanted the white picket fence and 2.4 children etc. I'm kinda on the clock.

Do I 'Stick' or 'Twist'?
All comments appreciated postive and negative, after all everyones entitled to their own opinion :wave:

Comments

  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    AM I BEING USED?
    Is she scared to let me in? for fear of getting hurt

    Sounds like you're willing to offer her what a lot of other women in her situation dream of, so its one or the other. If she's scared to let you in then you convince her to let you in. If you can't establish what she really wants, lay your cards on the table and give her the option to stick or twist.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    You have to remember that she has a daughter, who needs to come first.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I think maybe you just aren't ready to date someone who has other priorities. It doesn't sound like either of you are behaving badly, per se, but that you have opposite expectations.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Melian wrote: »
    You have to remember that she has a daughter, who needs to come first.

    110% with that and I wouldn't have it any other way, a Mothers connection to her child is gonna override anything a man can offer, its natural.

    Remember almost everything we do involves her and we get on great.

    BUT would you start a relationship if you weren't prepared to make the effort &/or alterations in your routine to allow it to develop? Its not like we just meet.

    Would you stay up till 10.30pm on Friday & Saturday night watching TV with a 7 year old, or spend with a man who clearly wants to be with you, hey wouldn't still be there if I didn't.

    I think I might be taking on an unwinnable battle.
    Think its time to lay it all on the line and walk away with an improvement or looking to make a new start.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Welcome to thesite joe_bloggs! I hope you find this a useful place to vent your feelings and get support and advice.

    How did you feel after writing all of that down? Writing everything down that you feel can be a good way of putting things into perspective.

    It is clear from your post that you really care about this woman and you want a future with her. But does she want the same? When you expressed your needs to her you said
    joe_bloggs wrote: »
    She expressed that she didn't think she could give me what I wanted. She was just too busy seeing Friends & Family to make more time for me, and if we lived together would I expect her to be there all the while waiting for me
    This response sounds as though she may be a little apprehensive about getting more serious and making changes in her life. However, the only way to know for sure how she really feels is to talk to her about it. we have some good articles in the Sex and Relationships section of thesite including one on communicating as a couple. You may also find the Relate website helpful for support and advice on relationships http://www.relate.org.uk/life-channel-relationship/index.html.

    I hope you find these resources useful.
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