real predicament im in

Former Member · April 2012

So first of all hello (yeah i joined just so i can get advice)

Okay ive got myself into a bit of a bad situation and i just want an opinion from other people who are not involved in it.

so i met a girl recently who i immediatly started seeing. she approached me and gave me her number. but she told me she has a fiance who she wants to leave because she doesnt see him alot anymore. (he works away alot but i dont know what he does)

so i carried on seeing her knowing this and its got to the point now where i am feeling something for her but she still hasnt broke up with him and when i bring the topic up she gets a little defensive.

After i told her that i dont want to be in a relationship if shes still with him.
she told me that when shes around me she takes her ring off, she says she really likes me and that shes alot happier being around me and she does want to be with me.
But the thing is she hasnt chosen me or him.
She left the choice upto him by telling him that its her or his job

honestly i feel like im now just a backup plan if he decides to stay with his job
ive spoke with friends and family and im getting 50/50 on whether to carry on seeing her or just stop all together

i dont want to stop seeing her but i dont want to get hurt if things dont workout

and yes i know i sound like a bad guy asking someone to break up with their fiance but i really do like her

just need some opinions on what i should do if you need more info just ask thanks

Former Member · April 2012

to be honest i think she is sort of leading u on, like you said it does sound like you are a 'backup plan' to her and it seems like you've developed alot of feelings for this girl (the fact you've posted this proves that) and my advice is tell her straight that you dont want to see her anymore until she breaks up with her fiance, because its not fair on you because you may end up falling in love with this girl and she may end up choosing her fiance. so for your sake tell her straight the last thing you want is to get hurt, if she likes you as much as she says she does she wont really find it a problem leaving her fiance. good luck *hug*

Former Member · April 2012

If she's done it to her fiancee, there's a risk she'll do it to you down the line. Tread carefully before you invest too much.

Former Member · April 2012

Maybe I am generalizing this too much, but one of the things that alarm me most at the current girl of interest if she can't make up her mind. It's one of the worst things. She will leave you hanging, because her shitty almost ex boyfriend. Then there is only you, but she still can't decide. Suddenly an asshole comes along and kinda just goes for it, taking away the decision from her. She is not really happy about it, but banging him anyway. You tell yourself, "ah, she tells me she appreciates me and likes me more than just friends, it's just a matter of time until she realizes." She can't make a decision and is oblivious to your feelings. Some weeks or months down in time you say, fuck it, suddenly she comes forth and asks you what's up and what she has done wrong. She is oblivious to her shitty behavior. Blames you for a couple things (i.e. just wanting sex, not being patient).

Girls who can't make up their mind.

Worse than constipation. Don't waste your time.

Former Member · April 2012

From the info you provided, it appears she wants to be able to have the best of both worlds. Look at it from her perspective, it must be exciting, a thrill even... away from her boring everyday life?
But, who will hurt most in the long term? I think you will, only my opinion mind you.

What will be easiest for her? To break up with you or her fiancé.

Be careful, dangerous ground.

real predicament im in

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