Home Health & Wellbeing
If you need urgent support, call 999 or go to your nearest A&E. To contact our Crisis Messenger (open 24/7) text THEMIX to 85258.

im at a loss right now,

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
this is quite long, sorry about that,

i haven't been into uni all week, i can barley bring myself to step outside for a quick fag, being around people is difficult right now,
i have 3 projects, a referral project, and an essay due soon but i haven't done any work what so ever,
i know im royaly screwed right now, (and i know its down to me constantly procrastinating, i have no one to blame for me being such a fuck up but myself, im not going to pass the blame or nout, i also know how pissed my parent shall be when they find out ive failed my first year at uni or whatever)
but scratching, cutting, and drinking (a three liter box of wine, a bottle of wine, a 70cl bottle of rum, 2 liters of cider and half a dosen alco-pop's in the last 2 and a half days) seem to be the only things i want to/can do, that and sleep, im always tired, no matter what, yet i can never seem to fall asleep till 5am or something stupid like that, its very frustrating, i have to overdose on caffeine drinks just to function minimally, and my arms and legs keep hurting (but not where i cut, :/ )
my arms are currently taped up with masking tape to stop myself from picking at my fairly fresh wound's,
i spent half an hour last night trying to work out if i had enough pills that would be enough to end my life, this worry's me as i haven't had those kind of thoughts in years,
i seem to hate my self even more every day, (im not going to end my life, i want to go to download festival again this year, its where im happiest in life, :) )
i know i need to do something to sort my self out but i cant, i just want to curl up on my bed and cry, i feel like this all the time nowadays,

i've always talked to my self, i tell my self off or shoot down my own idea's, but in a manner as if there were/are two or three me's in my head, if you know what i mean? but more and more instead of this talking place 100% in my head im physically verbalizing about 60% of it now, like out loud, i dont know if this is another thing i should be worried about,

i just feel really down and bad at the moment, yet i feel numb at the same time, i want to do something to hurt my self, cutting doesn't hurt tho, and the girls i live with hear me if i punch a wall or whatever,
i know im being stupid and crazy right now, i just...., im at a loss right now
i need, something, someone, i dont know,
this is, i guess, a plea for help, :/

Kevieve Xx

Comments

  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Hi kevieve

    Today sounds like its been a tough one for you.

    It can feel like the walls are closing in when uni deadlines loom. The stress of approaching deadlines can be enough to stop you doing work in itself.

    I know its probably crossed your mind already but have you spoken to any of your tutors about how much stress you've been under. From my experience being open about struggles with uni has made things easier. You could always check to the extenuating circumstances policy of your uni, this can often include extensions etc for stress related issues.

    Drinking and staying up late can make it even more difficult to get into the right mindset to make a crack at uni work too. If you are feeling low at night you could always see what services your uni might have to offer to distract yourself from negative thoughts. A lot of unis have 24 student support/advice lines, again it might be worthwhile checking out exactly what services your uni has that might be able to help.

    Taking some time out tonight to block all of the uni work out (easier said than done I know) and maybe looking at your situation again in the morning with a clear head and a fresh week to tackle the difficulties your having might also help a bit. I know it sounds idealistic, but i've often found it helpful when stressing about uni deadlines/work.

    Regarding the self harm, have you looked at the section on TheSite that talks about 'dealing with urges'. It has some useful information on self help tips and distractions that might help. The link for that is below.

    http://www.thesite.org/healthandwellbeing/mentalhealth/selfharm/dealingwithurges

    Let us know how things go for you over the next couple of days.

    Theres always someone here that will listen, even if you just need to vent in a private space.

    Phil :thumb:
Sign In or Register to comment.