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assualted, lost job and now self harming!! new to site so be gentle with me!
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
Hi all,
just nice to be able to share in an hidden safe place without ( I hope judgement).
I am new to this and have always been a professional person who is seen as independant and a pretty strong if humourous personality. However i now find myself in a new position, that of being a survivor. Sadly I do not feel much like a survivor since being assualted two years ago and my life has gradually become a smaller place to live. And live is more of an existance. It has affected everything, my home life, my worklife, my friendships. I have lost my job in November since not coping and going into panic attacks and flashbacks, so let go through and hearing which concluded in loss of post due to capability affected by ill health.
My self esteem has always been wrapped up in my work an so now diagnosed with PTSD depression and anxiety! During the therapy it has emerged that i was abused by my father as a child, although i do not remember much of that.
I am about to say I started self harming in the last few months but the more I think about it the more I realise I have nearly always self harmed in some way to some degree in different ways.
I am now cutting and burning my arms and stomach. But I have taken more medication (on quite a large scale) and was considered a suicide attempt. In the past when I consider things I have purposely hit my head, my arms, I have withdrawn from eating and drinking for 6 days, and was admitted to hospital for a week. I even remember when I was younger I pulled massive lumps of my hair out.
I have confided in two friends about my self harming behaviour. I find myself lucky to have such good people around me. I am mindful of how much i rely on them although at times in my darkest times my thoughts are less on them and I worry I could be too much for them to cope with. Sometimes I feel i am quite selfish.
Its taken what seems an age to start any therapy and it is stiring the waters but I know to move forward I must go through this. I have a mental health social worker, who is a little hit and miss but has a heart in the right place.
I feel quite asshamed to be at this point in my life but I know if I was talking to someone who had my problems I would just accept what they had to say and listen. Just seems different when its ones self.
Any comments advice, constructive please most welcomed.
just nice to be able to share in an hidden safe place without ( I hope judgement).
I am new to this and have always been a professional person who is seen as independant and a pretty strong if humourous personality. However i now find myself in a new position, that of being a survivor. Sadly I do not feel much like a survivor since being assualted two years ago and my life has gradually become a smaller place to live. And live is more of an existance. It has affected everything, my home life, my worklife, my friendships. I have lost my job in November since not coping and going into panic attacks and flashbacks, so let go through and hearing which concluded in loss of post due to capability affected by ill health.
My self esteem has always been wrapped up in my work an so now diagnosed with PTSD depression and anxiety! During the therapy it has emerged that i was abused by my father as a child, although i do not remember much of that.
I am about to say I started self harming in the last few months but the more I think about it the more I realise I have nearly always self harmed in some way to some degree in different ways.
I am now cutting and burning my arms and stomach. But I have taken more medication (on quite a large scale) and was considered a suicide attempt. In the past when I consider things I have purposely hit my head, my arms, I have withdrawn from eating and drinking for 6 days, and was admitted to hospital for a week. I even remember when I was younger I pulled massive lumps of my hair out.
I have confided in two friends about my self harming behaviour. I find myself lucky to have such good people around me. I am mindful of how much i rely on them although at times in my darkest times my thoughts are less on them and I worry I could be too much for them to cope with. Sometimes I feel i am quite selfish.
Its taken what seems an age to start any therapy and it is stiring the waters but I know to move forward I must go through this. I have a mental health social worker, who is a little hit and miss but has a heart in the right place.
I feel quite asshamed to be at this point in my life but I know if I was talking to someone who had my problems I would just accept what they had to say and listen. Just seems different when its ones self.
Any comments advice, constructive please most welcomed.
0
Comments
To help offer advice and befriend somebody who is self harming It mite be a help to you facing your own issues of selfharm.I really hope you find your way.If u need someone to listen please feel free to contact me Im not a counceller or trained theripist I cant give you advise but will listen if you want to talk to someone take care x
Welcome to The Site :wave:
Thank you for sharing your story with us. It seems the last couple of years have been tough for you in more ways than one.
Checking out the section here on TheSite about self harm could be a good place to start. It has a host of information around self harm such as confiding in someone, coping with stresses as well as various self help sections. The link is below
http://www.thesite.org/healthandwellbeing/mentalhealth/selfharm
Having such great friends that you can rely on must have been a good help. Support and friendship can be powerful healing tools.
Please check out more of TheSite and continue using the forums. The members here can offer some great peer support.
Let us know how things are going for you.
Phil :thumb:
I have been such a terrible person to my friends, I have lied and decieved them in the worst way. They know this is the case as I confessed everything. I have lost my job over what I have done. I lied to my manager who has been nothing but supportive before during and continues til this day with all that has happened which again I find difficult to understand. Even my employer who was a local authority have been more than reasonable, they could have been much harder on me at the hearing than they were, and even though dissmissed they agreed to it being on medical grounds regarding my behaviour which was totally out of character. I have lost my home my work my reason for being and my world has just got smaller and smaller and my self worth less and less. Being supportive to other people is what I am best at it is what defines me as a person, accepting the help I need is much more difficult. Supporting you in that small way bexiexox gave me a small sense of purpose. it touched on who i was before all this bad stuff. I have been having some therapy and that has brought up many ghosts for me, not only dealing with all my losses, the sexual assualt but also some memories that have been reactivated that my father sexually abused me and stubbed cigarettes out on my back as a young child. I don't know what to feel about these things, i almost have no feelings about it, which I know is my own mind trying to protect me. the way I used to cope with things no longer works and so now I find myself in a position of self harming, again I know only too well this is a way of coping and in some ways protects me from doing the end game plans! You see I sounded quite altogether when working with you on your situation, however reeally I am feeling well in a mess. I don't expect to be fixed overnight bexiexox and it is kind you offered to let me off load somewhat. But knowing your own situation i must say to you not to take on my situation too seriously, you have plenty to manage of your own. I am so glad you found your way forward with your parents, it cheers my heart. x