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Breaking the anxiety barrier
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
Its an odd way to describe it, but it does feel like living behind a perpex wall, where all the things I used to be able to do and the things I am yet to do but want to do. All my dreams and hopes and ambitions are that side of the wall, and yet I'm sat on this side watching people live their lives whilst I'm stuck living my life in constant fear.
I desperatly need to sort myself out, I feel like I'm so far behind my peers (I met someone a few weeks ago who is my age and doing exactly the job I want to be doing with the company I want to work for, but I can't even go into the centre of my city - which is fairly small btw - on my own, and I struggle with other people when its busy). I've tried the whole going to groups and stuff to meet people and theres no one with similar interests or even a similar age often (local knitting group for instance is all 50/60+). I'm also kind of scared about just going to things on my own, the getting there and back and all that jazz is difficult.
Yet for all the excuses, I've got to get over this. I've wasted 4 years of my life like this, this being the worst its got. I have asked for so much help from my GP/CPN/support worker etc and I've gotten no where, so I've got to do it myself. I just keep pushing myself forward to doing stuff and then something happens and I end up where I was before I even bothered.
What can I do? Where do I even start? I'm seeing a trainee therapist whilst I'm on the waiting list, I'm drug resistant pretty much, and I can't do CBT related stuff because I find it triggering (long story but its linked to crap from my childhood). I'm giving every alternative therapy I can get my hands on a try, because this and the pain is ruling me
I desperatly need to sort myself out, I feel like I'm so far behind my peers (I met someone a few weeks ago who is my age and doing exactly the job I want to be doing with the company I want to work for, but I can't even go into the centre of my city - which is fairly small btw - on my own, and I struggle with other people when its busy). I've tried the whole going to groups and stuff to meet people and theres no one with similar interests or even a similar age often (local knitting group for instance is all 50/60+). I'm also kind of scared about just going to things on my own, the getting there and back and all that jazz is difficult.
Yet for all the excuses, I've got to get over this. I've wasted 4 years of my life like this, this being the worst its got. I have asked for so much help from my GP/CPN/support worker etc and I've gotten no where, so I've got to do it myself. I just keep pushing myself forward to doing stuff and then something happens and I end up where I was before I even bothered.
What can I do? Where do I even start? I'm seeing a trainee therapist whilst I'm on the waiting list, I'm drug resistant pretty much, and I can't do CBT related stuff because I find it triggering (long story but its linked to crap from my childhood). I'm giving every alternative therapy I can get my hands on a try, because this and the pain is ruling me
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Comments
Sounds like this is a tough situation for you.
It can't be easy feeling the world and everything else is passing you by.
One thing that is important is not to compare your situation too much to others as that isn't always helpful or motivating.
Having said that, it does seem that you are trying very hard to overcome this problem, especially in spite of the difficulties your having with various medical professionals etc.
Have you tried setting yourself small goals as Friend_85 suggested, something like little tasks such as going to shops close by and then a little further the next time. Maybe even trying it on the spare of the moment could be better, rather than building up to it as that in itself can increase anxiety.
Hugs for you and let us know how you get on. *hug*
Phil :thumb:
I don't think it helps that I feel like I'm being watched all the time for the moment I had a good day or push myself that little bit further to suddenly have the DWP fraud squad jumping out of the bushes at me... Obviously I'm trying to be humourous here, but its a serious worry that they'll see my one good day or my one single improvement as any excuse to cut what I have left. I want to get better and be able to work but I know I'm not there yet, nor will I be tomorrow or next week for that matter. I'd like to be ok within a few months (hoping the pain is under control), but it really scares me that they take everything out of contex and never see the bigger picture. I feel like I'm being monitored constantly being sent more paperwork to fill out and this that and the other...I know I'm just being paranoid and over anxious about it all, but it feels scary. I almost feel like I shouldn't say anything about how i feel incase it gets me put on some kind of watchlist. My support worker told me that I shouldn't be worried because I wouldn't be watched unless someone had reported me for fraud, and my stupid mind then went off on one wondering if anyone thought I put all of this on...
argh, I don't even know if I should be posting this